Difficult People
Difficult People
Let’s just get this out of the way. Some people are mentally ill, and not interested in getting treatment. There, I said it. Sometimes, these people are in your workplace or in your neighborhood or in your gym or in your family tree. This article is not about how to deal with the mentally ill – no, that’s for another writer in another venue.
This article is about how to deal with the run-of-the-mill Difficult Person who gets on your last nerve. You know who I’m talkin’ about.
They’re the people who annoy you with their incessant, inappropriate chit-chat, or stymie your plans with pointless roadblock after pointless roadblock. They run late, they're absent-minded, they can’t “move on”, have body odor, halitosis and are way too needy.
Guess what? They all have something in common -- they're not doing what WE think they should be doing. They should shut up, go along, get along, let us lead, remember stuff, shower, brush their teeth and pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. If only they’d do what WE want them to do, they’d be so much easier to get along with!
The difficulty is that they don't do what we want them to do, do they? And we invest a lot of time and energy trying to get them to be different than they are, don't we? Hey, let's accept it -- we can't control them. But we can control ourselves. So, boys and girls, what you’ve got to do is check your own expectations and motivations to see why you react to the Difficult Person the way you do.
One of the best tools I've used to help clients deal with Difficult People is this: take a piece of paper and write down everything your Difficult Person does to drive you up the wall. Don't leave anything out, don't censor yourself, don't hedge. Let it all hang out.
Feel better now? So nice to get that off your chest, right? OK. The hard part. Go back through the list. Anything there something you wish you could do, or something you dislike about yourself? I had a client who was cheesed at a brown-nosing co-worker, who she called “Miss Thing”. Seems Miss Thing would walk down the hall, see the boss and say, “Charlene, want to get some lunch?” – and proceed to have coveted one-on-one time with the boss. My client was irate! Who did Miss Thing think she was?
I asked my client to write down everything she disliked about Miss Thing and then go back through it. The proverbial light bulb appeared overhead. “Someone once told me I ought to know my place, and not be too big for my britches," she said. "I am afraid of being seen as too forward.” I queried, "So, it’s not so much about Miss Thing, is it?" "No," she responded, "it’s that she’s doing something I wish I could do.” Yes, my young Jedi – that is exactly the problem.
It’s ultimately not so much about the Difficult Person, it’s about you. Understanding yourself makes the behavior of others easier to manage. You may come to find that you don’t mind somebody else brown-nosing, or running late, or being weird. After you get to that point it’s mind over matter -- if you don’t mind, it don’t matter.
Keep author Byron Katie's advice in mind: "There are three kinds of business in the world: your business, my business and God's business." Getting into someone else's business is a futile exercise. Waiting for someone else to change is likewise pointless. Let me tell you this: there is no magic incantation you can make, no string of words you can utter, to get someone to change his ways.
Change? That's their business. And your business? Simple. It's what you choose to do about yourself and for yourself. Difficult People are only difficult when you mistake your business for theirs.
Difficult People - To learn more about this author, visit Michele Woodward's Website.
Like this article? Share it with your friends
Ever have a really difficult person in your life? I see all those heads nodding out there – and a few hands in the air. So, many of us can agree: Difficult People are a difficult challenge. Dealing with them sometimes proves so challenging, in fact, that some folks exit, stage left, rather than continue to engage with someone so… difficult.
Let’s just get this out of the way. Some people are mentally ill, and not interested in getting treatment. There, I said it. Sometimes, these people are in your workplace or in your neighborhood or in your gym or in your family tree. This article is not about how to deal with the mentally ill – no, that’s for another writer in another venue.
This article is about how to deal with the run-of-the-mill Difficult Person who gets on your last nerve. You know who I’m talkin’ about.
They’re the people who annoy you with their incessant, inappropriate chit-chat, or stymie your plans with pointless roadblock after pointless roadblock. They run late, they're absent-minded, they can’t “move on”, have body odor, halitosis and are way too needy.
Guess what? They all have something in common -- they're not doing what WE think they should be doing. They should shut up, go along, get along, let us lead, remember stuff, shower, brush their teeth and pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. If only they’d do what WE want them to do, they’d be so much easier to get along with!
The difficulty is that they don't do what we want them to do, do they? And we invest a lot of time and energy trying to get them to be different than they are, don't we? Hey, let's accept it -- we can't control them. But we can control ourselves. So, boys and girls, what you’ve got to do is check your own expectations and motivations to see why you react to the Difficult Person the way you do.
One of the best tools I've used to help clients deal with Difficult People is this: take a piece of paper and write down everything your Difficult Person does to drive you up the wall. Don't leave anything out, don't censor yourself, don't hedge. Let it all hang out.
Feel better now? So nice to get that off your chest, right? OK. The hard part. Go back through the list. Anything there something you wish you could do, or something you dislike about yourself? I had a client who was cheesed at a brown-nosing co-worker, who she called “Miss Thing”. Seems Miss Thing would walk down the hall, see the boss and say, “Charlene, want to get some lunch?” – and proceed to have coveted one-on-one time with the boss. My client was irate! Who did Miss Thing think she was?
I asked my client to write down everything she disliked about Miss Thing and then go back through it. The proverbial light bulb appeared overhead. “Someone once told me I ought to know my place, and not be too big for my britches," she said. "I am afraid of being seen as too forward.” I queried, "So, it’s not so much about Miss Thing, is it?" "No," she responded, "it’s that she’s doing something I wish I could do.” Yes, my young Jedi – that is exactly the problem.
It’s ultimately not so much about the Difficult Person, it’s about you. Understanding yourself makes the behavior of others easier to manage. You may come to find that you don’t mind somebody else brown-nosing, or running late, or being weird. After you get to that point it’s mind over matter -- if you don’t mind, it don’t matter.
Keep author Byron Katie's advice in mind: "There are three kinds of business in the world: your business, my business and God's business." Getting into someone else's business is a futile exercise. Waiting for someone else to change is likewise pointless. Let me tell you this: there is no magic incantation you can make, no string of words you can utter, to get someone to change his ways.
Change? That's their business. And your business? Simple. It's what you choose to do about yourself and for yourself. Difficult People are only difficult when you mistake your business for theirs.
Difficult People - To learn more about this author, visit Michele Woodward's Website.
Like this article? Share it with your friends
| |||
 |
No article feedback found. | ||
|
Leave Your Feedback | ||
|
|||
 Ten Key Facts About Dealing With Difficult People You Must Know
| |||
| The tendency is to come at this is from two opposing sides. Two adversaries locked in a battle for survival. It is scary when Dealing with Difficult People! Yet there are steps forward you can take... |
|||
|
Anger Solutions™ at Work: Dealing with Difficult People
| |||
| Let’s face it – if you’re not somebody’s difficult person today, you will be tomorrow. We all take turns being difficult for other people, just as they can be difficult for us. The difficulty comes from difference... |
|||
|
2 Ways to Deal With Difficult Staff
| |||
| This article shows that, if you get to know each member of your team much better, concentrate on what they do well, then you're less likely to have difficult staff. |
|||
|
Difficult People
| |||
| Who's the person who gets under your skin? Need some ideas about how to deal? Read on. |
|||
|
What are the 3 biggest challenges faced by supply chain/purchasing professionals today? (Survey Result 8)
| |||
| There are many factors both internally as well as externally that are affecting supply chain/ procurement practices today. From the growing talent vacuum to the continuing lack of collaboration between Finance, IT a... |
|||
| |||
|
Joe Dager is President of Business901, a progressive coaching company providing no-nonsense direction in areas such as Lean marketing and organized referral marketing. What others say: In the past 20 years, Joe and I have collaborated on many difficult issues. Joe’s ability to combine his expertise with “out of the box” thinking is unsurpassed. He has always delivered quickly, cost effectively and with ingenuity. A brilliant mind that is always a pleasure to work with.” - James R. If you want to learn more about Business901, start a conversation with us. We can be found @ Web/Blog: http://www.business901.com Web/Blog: http://www.FundingYourNonprofit.com http://www.linkedin.com/in/business901 – Linked In http://www.twitter.com/business901 – Twitter - Visit Joe Dager's Website |
|||
Jeff FosterWebBizIdeas.com is a Minneapolis website design company founded to help people start an internet business by providing them with website, business, and internet resources that help foster the growth of successful online businesses and develop innovative Internet business ideas. - Visit Jeff Foster's Website |
|||
Anne BarrAnne Barr has over 26 years experience in sales and marketing, six years as a franchisee. She has assisted over 367 business owners and purchasers to achieve their goals in career change, transition and exit strategy. She holds the designation of Certified Franchise Executive from the International Franchise Association, Certified Business Intermediary from the International Business Brokers Association and Board Certified Broker from the Texas Association of Business Brokers. Anne is active in professional organizations, networking groups and volunteers for non-profit entities. As owner/operator of four successful businesses, Anne has proven people skills and enjoys helping clients find the right "fit" in business ownership. Visit www.FranchiseOpportunitySpecialist.com for more information about me and my company. - Visit Anne Barr's Website |
|||
|
To learn more about the Evan Elite Author Program please contact us. | |||
 | |
 Michele Woodward (Visit Michele's Website) Michele Woodward is an executive life coach who helps individuals and businesses improve efficiency and effectiveness. In her coaching practice, Michele offers a committed coaching partnership using leadership training, communications techniques, strengths assessments and other tools. Michele helps clients with innovative and workable ways to increase their performance, and overall satisfaction with their lives.  She is a member of the International Coach Federation and the International Association of Coaches, and is qualified to administer and interpret MBTI -- the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Michele is a certified NorthStar Coach, having completed a course of training with Martha Beck's NorthStar program. She is a sought-after speaker and leads a number of workshops and classes, and writes a popular blog.
|  |
 |
|
|
 |
|
|
|
 |
| Modeling the Masters: Learn the true secrets behind Walt Disney's business success factors & grow your company! Video produced by Phanta Media |
|
|
 |
| Have you written articles that would be of value to entrepreneurs? Become an expert on our site by publishing them! Expose yourself to a wide audience, drive more traffic to your website and get more sales! Click Here for details. |
 |
 | ||
 |
||
 |
||
 |
||
|
| ||
|
|
|
Get advice & tips from famous business owners, new articles by entrepreneur experts, my latest website updates, & special sneak peaks at what's to come!
|
|
|
 |
 Start eTutoring Business 3 Deadly Traps Leadership 2.0 Tips For Less Stress Make It Happen |
|
 | ||
 |
Top 50 Niche Blogs 2009
Top 50 Niche Blogs 2009 | |
 |
Choose A PR Topic
Press Release Builder | |
| ||
 |
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||||||||
 |
|
|
||||||||||||
