Relying on My “Inner Debbie”
Relying on My “Inner Debbie”
Relying on My Inner Debbie - To learn more about this author, visit Debbie Lessin's Website.
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We all have one. That voice in our head that tells us that everything is going to be all right. That voice of reason that reminds us that this too shall pass. Sometimes we hear the voice and heed the word. Other times we simply choose to ignore it. There is no question that in times of stress the littlest thing can set us off. This can create a vortex of more stress and aggravation. And for what? For something that when you step back and really take a better look means nothing? In these tough economic times, there are real reasons to worry. But ask yourself how often you let the little things upset you and turn your day from a good one to a bad one. For me it can be something as simple as the phone that seems to ring endlessly. It is not my clients calling but some one calling to sell me something or to update an internet listing that I never authorized and don’t want or need, calls that simply interrupt my busy work day. I really am a nice person. But when I hear that few second time delay and know that I am about to have my time wasted by a call that has no meaning to my life, I turn into D J Lessin, telephone witch. I guess part of this is the golden rule, do unto others that which you want done to you. I’ve never had to cold call for clients or solicit by phone and so, in turn, I do no not want to be the recipient of a call that has no bearing to my life. I know that the person on the other end of the phone is simply doing their job. But they are interrupting mine. And when in the course of a busy day this happens more than a few times, well, I am not a happy Debbie. After tax season ends and there is less of a time crunch to the work day, I am not necessarily pleasant but D J Lessin, telephone witch is probably a little mean, a little less stressed. We are all going to have bad days. It’s just a fact of life. The question is how do you handle them? Does one bad day turn into two? Does one bad thing spiral into another? Or do you take a step backwards and realize that what is creating the problem really is not important in the scheme of things? Can you let you let it roll off your back and move on? If you live a life in balance, you probably can. I have been a long time proponent of “making it a day trip”. If something is stressing you out or aggregating you beyond belief, it’s okay to have a bad day. Go hog wild and stress out. But get over it by the end of the day. Know that when you wake up the next day, it is a new day. Yesterday’s problems are not today’s problems. Take control of your attitude and move on. It’s no different than the glass half full conundrum. If you look at the glass as half empty, chances are that you will not be able to do this. But if to you, the glass is always half full, ever the optimist you will most likely be able to create your own destiny. Find that voice inside you that knows that stressing over sometime that really doesn’t matter will not do serve a purpose in the long run. Find your “Inner Debbie” to guide you. This year I have been amazed at how I let things roll off my back in the midst of my busy tax season. Working twelve hours plus a day lends itself to stressful days just based on time. There are simply too many things that can happen in the course of the work day that can irritate me. The one client story from this season that had the biggest stress impact was the day that I found out that a long time client started a new business. That alone truly sounds harmless. But this was a client who regularly contacted me throughout the year with a variety of questions of a much lesser magnitude. Starting a new business and choosing the right legal form in which to conduct that business is a critical decision. I felt much slighted in not have been consulted. To make matters worse, the choice of entity was not the right one for their circumstances. Plus, a deadline was missed to make a critical tax election. I guess that I should consider myself lucky that I was informed me of the new entity before the due date of the business return. Or shall I say that it was the client who was lucky. They were focused on the individual return (4/15) and not the corporate deadline of March 15th. Here it was mid-March, the height of the season, I had to fix a mess that did not need to ever happen. I often am left to clean up my clients’ financial messes. But I prefer to be proactive first, laying out the options and choices even when an answer is not black or white but a muddy shade of gray. Of course I came up with some brilliant workable solutions given the prior actions that bound us. In the scheme of things this was of course not my fault. I could not make decisions about something that I did not know about. And while this obviously generated more fees for me, I am not a professional who enjoys creating work where work is not needed. I needed a day to roll these actions off my back, come up with realistic solutions and create a positive atmosphere in a conference call with the client whom days before I was privately cussing. But let’s not kid ourselves; it is the little things in life that set us off track and out of balance. And so, in the course of this tax season I kept track of the things that happened that in another time and place would have sent me over the edge but this year seemingly did not. The season got off to a slow start, February being slower than in years past. While at first I couldn’t decide whether to be worried or gleeful, I chose gleeful. A few less work hours for four less weeks gave me so much more energy, some much more balance. Overall I worked 5% less this season and was 100% happier. Thank you, that’s a trade-off I will take any day. March 1st the long busy work week began in earnest. I was out of bed at 5:00 AM, on the treadmill for 20 minutes at 5:30 three days a week, the first year that I’ve been able to keep this schedule going all season, staying injury free. On March 3rd, a non-treadmill, non wash my hair day, I was ready to head to the office at 6:10 AM. I am ready for my day, full of early morning optimism. And lo and behold, the car does not start. It wants to start. It sounds like it wants to turn over. And yet it doesn’t. So I calmly call AAA. They hear the noise the car is making on the other end and confirm that a tow will be needed. It’s going to take at least 45 minutes to get to me. And I have no idea what time the repair facility is open on the other end. This was simply not on my agenda for the day. If I have to take the car in for service, I need to plan it better. So I thank them kindly and abandon the car in the garage. I walk to the main street to catch a cab to work. Usually I have to walk a few blocks to the busy intersection to do so. But this was not the case, this cold Chicago winter morning. I found a cab the minute I stepped onto Milwaukee Avenue. I go to work, call the Infiniti service center and find out that they opened at 6:30 AM. Oh well, I didn’t know and simply wanted to get to work to start my day. They are full the next day but if I need to have the car towed to them they will make room for me. My game plan is ready for the next day. I’ll call when I wake up knowing that it will take 45 minutes for them to get there. I simply did not let the car not starting ruin my day. I take a cab home at 7:00 PM., a productive work day ended. As I get to my house, I decide to try the car again. I do not know what I expected. But what I got was truly beyond expectation. The car started without hassle. Dumbfounded, I let it run for a while to warm up. The next day I woke up at 5:00 AM and headed to the garage to see whether the car would start again or not. And lo and behold, it starts up, normal as ever. No, I didn’t take the car in to see what might have been wrong. Unscheduled car repair was simply not on my agenda. Had it happened again, of course I would have. Instead I decided that it was a sign, a sign that I was not supposed to drive that day. Would I have been in an accident? Who knows? All I know is that from the minute the car started until then it did, I never let it stress me out. I surprised myself and my friends by the response. No more than a week later my best friend, Ida was having a stressful day herself. To top things off, on the way home from work she realized that she forgot her phone at the office. Her phone, life many of ours, is more than just a phone. It is her calendar, her email, her life line. It was just enough to set her over the edge at the end of the day. But to add insult to injury, as she was pulling into her garage, she lost a cap on her tooth by innocently chewing gum. The good news was that she didn’t swallow the cap. The bad news was that she needed to add an unscheduled dental appointment to a week of overscheduled meetings and appointments. As she was sitting in her car, now on overload and completely overwhelmed, she told me that she tried to find that place that I had found in dealing with my car. She was channeling me and my sense of balance. Do you mean you were seeking your “inner Debbie” I asked? And as we both laughed, I realized that I had just named that place where I find my sense of peace and balance. I was touched that my sense of balance and purpose not only influenced me but those around me. I was happy to know that she was trying to find that place where she could roll it off her back and live for another day that might not be so stressful. My “inner Debbie” served me and Ida well that week. But don’t worry, there were other little things left in the season to test me and my “inner Debbie” After a cold dreary Chicago winter, warm early spring weather arrived on March 17th. Not that I had a chance to enjoy any of it, arriving at the office at the crack of dawn and leaving often after the sun had already set. During tax season I don’t leave for lunch, eating either at my desk or taking a quick 20 minutes or so with my administrative staff on Tuesdays when she comes in around lunch time. Spring brings a new sense of purpose, an awakening that is oh so welcome. Spring brings rain, this year lots of rain. And this year spring brought ants to my house. Lots of ants crawling around the kitchen counter and floor. Ants that appeared overnight, seemingly out of no where. I have lived in my townhouse for almost 14 years. And in those 14 years I never remember having ants. Many years ago I remember having an exterminator show up for rat dropping that I think were the result of rats misplaced by neighborhood construction that came up through the sewer in my utility closet on the first floor. Come to think of it, that happened in tax season too (but of course!). But I have no recollection of ants in the house ever! So imagine my surprise when I head downstairs to the kitchen at 5:00 AM on March 18th and there are colonies of small ants swarming on the kitchen counter. It’s 5:00 AM and instead of my morning tea, I have to deal with ants. Armed simply with water and wads of paper towel, I attack the ants and simply remove the ones that I can see. I have no idea where they are coming from. At that point, I don’t care. I am itching and scratching for no reasons other than the fact that I feel dirty and there are ants in my house. I head to work and try to forget about it. After work I stop in the hardware store across the street from the parking lot. Not one to research my ant options, with a little assistance from the clerk, I choose a spray. When I got home after my massage I was calm, cool and collected. I kept reaping to myself “I am bigger than the ants.” I spray here and there, wiping up much of the spray because who wants ant spray on their kitchen counters. And I head off to bed, still itching now and then because there are ants in my house. The weather turns warm and cold again every few days. But happily there are no more ants. That is until Saturday morning April 4th. On Saturday’s I let myself sleep in a little later than during the week. Of course my body clock doesn’t always cooperate. It doesn’t know or understand that on Saturday or Sunday, I do not have to get up at the crack of dawn. This particular Saturday morning will be a special treat. My friend and colleague, Susan Fairman has been in town all week helping me with the last minute crunch of the season. Susan worked for me full time over 18 years ago. While she moved on after a few years, she’s freelanced for me ever since during tax season. She is one CPA whose brain functions and analyzes the same way mine does. When she moved to Baltimore several years ago (for a non CPA job) I was heartbroken that I’d lose her expertise. But I was very lucky. Susan enjoys working with me as much as I enjoy having her around. So for the last few years Susan has taken a week of vacation at the end of March, beginning of April, come to Chicago, stayed with me and worked her heart out along side me for a week. This Saturday she will head back to Baltimore in the early evening. To celebrate our amazing week of “cranking it out” we are going out for breakfast before we head into the office. Susan’s on the first floor packing up her things. As I head downstairs from my third floor bedroom to the kitchen on the second floor to you guessed it – another swarm of ants on the floor and the counter. “Not again!” I proclaim. “I don’t have time for this.” So out comes the ant spray and my wad of paper towels. I attempt to make them go away – again. Or so I think. On the morning of April 10th, once again the ants are back. Luckily they have stayed in the same general area of the kitchen and not expanded to other areas of the house. I just wish I knew where there were coming from. If it wasn’t tax season I would have simply called an exterminator and had him come to the house to deal with it. But I don’t know of an exterminator who is going to show up before 6:30 AM, after 7:30 PM or on a Sunday. By this time I’ve also convinced myself that the fact that my next door neighbor has started rehab work on the inside of his townhouse has something to do with the ants. We share a common wall and construction work tends to stir up critters and bugs. I send Dan an early morning whiney email. I don’t exactly blame him for the ants. I just kind of mention it. He responds by telling me that he thinks it is just spring and the ants are being awakened. He reminds me that he’s had bug problems for a few years. I honestly didn’t know that. Or I didn’t remember because until now I have not had ants until the last major construction project a few door away. You can see now how my mind leaped to the ant’s being Dan’s fault because of the construction. But much to my surprise and delight, Dan takes care of the problem. He calls and gets quotes for exterminator service for both of us. He lets them into my house with his “good neighbor” key. He saves the day! The exterminator apparently laughs at my ant spray. So be it. My ant spray allowed me to think that I was handling the problem, such as it was. I am grateful and thankful to Dan. And now my house is happily ant free. I am back to just being Aunt Debbie, not ant Debbie! The ants made me a little itchy and scratchy for days, not because they were anywhere near my body but because they could have been. But not once did I let them put me over the edge. I am after all much bigger than them! During the course of the season it is not usual to have maybe one bad day a week. One day where until I go home, nothing is rolling off my back. Remember, I have to live by my own “day trip” rules. So rarely does one bad day ever turn into two. During tax season the pattern of the work week is that Mondays and Tuesdays are without question the busiest days. I come to work on Monday morning refreshed from a Sunday off. While I may take some administrative work home to do in my pajamas or sweats (bills to pay, invoices to prep) I do not go into the office on Sunday. I do not take client work home with me. And better yet, this year I never once checked work email at home at night or on the weekends. Monday morning, I come in ready to tackle a new week. Many times, I save a hard complicated return for my Monday morning project. I know that my email box will be full, my clients having spent time over the weekend working on their taxes. So imagine my surprise when on Monday morning March 23rd I come into the office bright and early and find that there is absolutely no internet service. I am confused. It was working fine when I left the office a mere 18 hours before. No internet on Monday morning March 23rd. Are you kidding me? The thought of playing telephone tag with clients, hearing the phone ring endlessly and not knowing what emails await me is not the way to start a Monday, three weeks away from my April 15th deadline. I am not a techie, but I know enough to check the wireless connection box. No, it is as dead as a doornail. It is 6:30 AM and I have no internet. Normally, I’d simply call my tech person. But I can’t call my long time tech person. He is the soon to be ex-husband of my best friends’ sister. He is on the “do not call list”, shunned by his friends and extended family of friends because of his blatant long time adultery that had just come to light and the pending nasty divorce. Do I want to take sides? No, of course I do not. But sometimes you are not really given a choice. And this is one of those times. So there I am at 6:30 AM on Monday March 23rd with no internet service and no tech person. I do not have time for this. I send a text message to Ida (my best friend) not wanting to have her phone ring so early and wake up her husband. She calls me at the office and starts to make calls for me to find a new tech person. I send a few emails to clients who have offices near by. One of them comes through quickly with a person. He responds quickly, comes to the office with the equipment he think has failed (and rightfully so) and has the problem fixed by 11:00 AM. All things considered, this is not that big of a delay. But for me to lose over 2 billable hours on a Monday is enough to set the tone of the rest of the day. Trust me I was not having a good day and I wasn’t very quiet about it. To add insult to injury, something in the set-up of the equipment was not correctly saved in memory (not my fault). My part-time assistant restarted the computer for some forgotten reason and here we go again – no internet again. By the time she had come to work early afternoon I was already in the midst of a really bad day. She’d not seen that stressed out Debbie once during the few months she’d been working for me. She didn’t know her and clearly didn’t like her. Who could blame her? From my perspective she wasn’t being supportive in enough trying to work through the new problem by phone with the new tech people who were trying to walk her through what was wrong and how to correct it. In the end, another person from the new tech provided came back to the office within ten minutes to fully resolve the issue. But oh what a day that was. I had to have a good heart to heart discussion with my assistant to ease her mind that no, I wasn’t mad at her and yes, it was just a really bad day. “This too shall pass”. I explained. And it did. In fact I’m not sure if the internet problems were simply a disguise for the other thing floating around in my head that day, something totally unrelated to work but an emotional issue that was lying just beneath the surface. For you see, the next day (March 24th) was my dad’s birthday. And it was the first birthday since his death the prior June. Did I create this internet problem to mask the emotional one? Of course I didn’t. But just having survived the really bad techie day was enough to know what was and wasn’t really important in the scheme of things. Looking back now, the stories are amusing even to me. All I know is that now that I know how powerful my “inner Debbie” truly is, I’m going to be sure to look for her every time I need her. Yes, there will be times when she might want to take a vacation or hide out. But she’s there. She will guide me through the days, both good and bad. She’ll allow me to “make it a day trip”. She’ll influence my friends and family with the stresses of their lives. She’ll help me find my balance. Each of us has an “inner Debbie”. Take the time to get to know yours. Acknowledge. Nurture. Explore. Trust your instincts, your “inner Debbie” and let him/her guide. Let your “inner Debbie” help you roll things off your back before a good day turns into a bad one. Your “inner Debbie” is your very own personal resolve of strength and support, the “you” that knows right from wrong, good from bad. It is the “inner you” that knows that the little things that set you off in the long run truly do not matter. The more that you can remember that and reach for your “inner Debbie”, the happier and more balanced you can and will be.
Relying on My Inner Debbie - To learn more about this author, visit Debbie Lessin's Website.
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