In many coaching sessions, clients express frustration and self-criticism when they feel they have not lived up to the standards (the bar) they have set for themselves in their business or personal life. Often their bar is set at the height of perfectionism which is impossible to realistically reach and still maintain self-esteem and sanity.
The conversation then shifts to striving for excellence rather than perfectionism. Is there a difference? You bet there is! Perfectionism lacks compassion and tolerance for humanness. If you have been caught in that box of attempting to be and do everything perfectly, by whose standards? Your own or someone else? It is your life, right?
My definition for excellence is showing up to be your best in any situation. That means being the best person you can be and doing the best you can based on who you are and what’s going on in your life at the time.
For example, if you’ve been under a great deal of stress and are having difficulty managing it, you might be abrupt, irritable, or aggressive with people. That might be the best you can be in that moment. Our best changes depending on what going on inside of us.
You might be thinking, “That’s not good enough. I should always strive to be better. It’s unacceptable to make mistakes and let people down (including myself) My boss expects me to excel at my job and if I don’t perform consistently at a high level, my job will be at risk…..
Do you expect you will ALWAYS be at the top of your game in every situation, 24/7? C’mon – you’re human!
When I do workshops and seminar on this topic, the first thing I ask folks is, “What does it look like to be your best? I have them draw it as a picture including words, phrases – whatever comes to their mind.
What would you answer? What picture might you create?
Being tired, angry, lonely, and hungry affects how we think, feel and act. Negative self-talk erodes our self-esteem and confident and affects what our “best” looks like. We create stories and dramas in our minds that are painful! And we believe what we are telling ourselves as truth! Refer to my article on Sure-Fire Tips to Turn Off Your Negative Mental Chatter 5 Tips to bring out your best 1. Practice daily gratitude. Feeling joy for the gifts and blessings in your life is a great way to lift your mood especially when feeling fear, stress, weariness, anger….
2. Create a list of the people and things that inspire and boost your spirit. What invigorates, strengthens, and stimulates you positively? Use this list when you are over-reacting, running those negative tapes inside your head (check my blog article), or feeling lost in yourself-created mental stories.
3. Begin to observe your self talk. Be willing to challenge the messages you repeat to yourself and others. Are they really true? Is it possible that what you are saying might be false?
4. When you are not at the best you’d like to be, what needs need attention? A break? Some help?
5. What opportunities, gifts, and blessings might be overlooked that would invite you expand your viewpoint and response? In other words shifting from reaction to chosen response?
Accept that your best varies day- to- day depending on the situation and is affected by your energy, mood, and stress levels. Every experience offers a growth and healing opportunity to allow more of your best to emerge.
Being Your Best - To learn more about this author, visit Lorraine Cohen's Website.
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