Knowing When To Say YES Or NO

We make decisions every day. Some are so automatic or easy we barely give them any thought. Others give us pause to consider whether saying YES or NO is the right choice.

When faced with decisions, do you:

• Worry about making mistakes?
• Fear you'll make a choice you'll regret?
• Make choices that are motivated by fear or guilt rather than listening to your heart?
• Have difficulty trusting your intuition and instincts?
• Have concern about how your decisions will affect others?

A few days ago I wrote an article on, "What is Your Relationship With Money?" in response to the many comments and questions people email me about their financial fears and their future. When we are in fear, we can make impulsive fear-based decisions for short-term gratification that might bring long-term regret.

With so many invitations and opportunities to grow your business, make money, enhance the quality of your life, knowing when to say yes or no can be confusing and overwhelming.

Last week I had a second a conversation with two close colleagues and friends about being actively engaged in the launch of their new business. They've been laying the groundwork for a new membership site for conscious organizations and individuals to bring spiritual principles and practical business applications together as way of doing business in this new economy. Exciting, right? We've partnered on a few projects over the years and they invited me to be a part of this new venture.

When we discussed the ways in which I could be an active player, I could feel the resistance building inside as a weight and weariness swept over me. For the last few months I've been heavily promoting two of my signature programs. Writing my book and developing the new program I'm excited about has gone on the back burner until this month.

Now, I was having a conversation about saying YES to something new that would require time, energy and focus that would potentially affect my commitments to my book and program development.

My ego/mind was saying, "Lorraine, this could really lead to some great passive revenue. And if it explodes the way they intend, you'd be crazy to pass up the chance to make money doing what you love!"

My instincts, body, and heart was saying, "This is not the right time. If you say YES now, you'll be diluting your energies from writing your book, developing the new program you're excited about, and running your business."

I realized I had to say no. The timing was off. I could feel it. While there will be plenty of opportunities to be involved at a later date, I was fully prepared to walk away even if it meant the door closed.

I had to. Saying YES now was the wrong answer.

Guilt-ridden and fear-based decisions rarely turn out well. When we are driven by shoulds, shouldn'ts, musts, and have tos... choice virtually disappears. It becomes a choice - no choice situation that is motivated by our ego rather than our soul.

How to know when yes or no is the best answer?

Here are ten questions to consider:

1. Do you feel passionate and excited to say yes?
2. What are you feeling intuitively?
3. What are your trusted instincts telling you?
4. What is your body telling you?
5. Have you taken time to meditate and be still to hear your heart?
6. What fears or concerns do you have about your decision?
7. Is it the right time?
8. If you say yes, what will you have to say no to?
9. If you say no, what are you saying yes to?
10. Is saying yes or no in alignment with your goals, intentions, or vision?

Exercise: The 24 hour boundary

If your decision isn't urgent (you decide what urgent means), take a 24 full hours to sit with the situation. Use the time to tune into your heart, weigh your pros and cons, meditate, confer with trusted friends who can be objective if you need help with clarity and perspective, and then come back to your heart. You will probably find your first instinct is correct and the answer you come back to is the best choice.

If you don't feel 100% confident and at peace with saying yes then the appropriate response is no. Feeling iffy or confused can mean you mean more information, something feels off, and you need more time to sit with the situation.

There is a difference between saying no when it is the right answer for you and when you are avoiding something that can be life-changing for you that feels scary. Fear of the unknown, success, failure, or losing something - love, money, respect....can be powerfull motivators that hold you back or push you forward positively or negatively. While fear and excitement can feel like the same energy, excitement feels expansive and fear feels constrictive.

The more you know who you are, the faster you'll be able to recognize if you are using excuses, reasons, and rationalizations to run away from your life.

When we make choices that are Divinely inspired and heartfelt rather than motivated by fear or guilt our life experiences lead us to more abundance, joy, and purpose. The key is being willing to be in discomfort while you are moving forward in trust and courage.