I was at a gathering last night - one of those invitations where people in business show their products at a person’ s home. It’s a nice way to casually network while having some wine (or something else), eat, and socialize as you browse. I had a 15 minute neck and back massage which was pretty good.
I found myself in conversation with a woman I have met before who is in network marketing for a well-known skin-care line. Within a few minutes, she disclosed, that despite her success moving up the ranks in her company, she was struggling to take her business out in a bigger way and so were members of her team.
She said she felt her biggest hurdle was fear of success.
Yup.
She recognized she was sabotaging herself by continuing to do things (self-defeating behaviors) that were holding her back from moving forward. Ouch!
Below are the most common ways people sabotage themselves:
Procrastination – wasting time, putting obstacles in the way of taking action towards goals, making excuses for delays, and creating confusion.
Avoidance – getting sick, changing the subject, leaving the room/phone call, poor eye contact, being too busy, getting distracted, keeping people at a distance (emotionally, physically, spiritually), indirect or vague communication, putting things off due to discomfort or overwhelm, excessive sleeping.
Destructive habits – addictive behaviors, dishonesty, overindulgence, clutter, disorganization, overspending.
Irresponsibility – excessive debt, risky behavior, lateness, missed appointments/deadlines, over-promising and under-delivering, forgetfulness, tolerating things.
Putting others before YOU – people-pleasing, remaining in harmful situations, inability to set and maintain personal boundaries, putting the needs of others before your own, compliance.
Negative self-talk - Shoulds, coulds, ought tos, musts, self-criticism and judgments, anticipating/expecting the worst vs. the best, scaring yourself with worst case scenarios, talking yourself out of trusting yourself/your wisdom and instincts, creating confusion, minimizing and devaluing goals.
Living in drama - making the situation worse or bigger than it really is. Going into “your story” vs. what is really happening or true. * Note - Being in your story means, the energy is focused on the pain, difficulty, PROBLEM, old patterns of reacting, etc that makes the situation overwhelming, impossible, HUGE, hopeless, pointless, powerless. This is a great way to abandon goals and works in tandem with negative self-talk and fears.
Here are 7 questions to ask yourself when dealing with your own self-sabotage:
1. What do you tell yourself that makes this behavior okay?
2. What beliefs may be driving (at the source of) this behavior?
3. What is your payoff (what do you get/have) by keeping this behavior?
4. What values/needs may be in conflict?
5. If you do nothing to change, how will this behavior continue to affect your life?
6. What behaviors empower you? What do you do consistently for yourself to stay strong?
7. How will your life change if your replace this behavior? What will you lose/gain?
Suspend judgments when doing this exercise. You cannot change something you are unaware of or do not understand. Be open to learn more about yourself so that you can make change in your life with compassion and intention.
Copyright (C) 2008. Lorraine Cohen
What You Might Be DOING To Sabotage Your Business & Your Life! - To learn more about this author, visit Lorraine Cohen's Website.
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Lorraine Cohen
(Visit Lorraine's Website)
Rev. Dr. Lorraine Cohen, President of
Powerfull Living, brings more than 20
years experience in personal, business and
spiritual coaching, psychological
counseling, and sales to thousands of
spiritually-minded business owners,
entrepreneurs, and leaders from a wide
range of industries.
Recognized as a cutting-edge expert in her
field, Lorraine coaches people to have
greater business success and personal
happiness in their life. An expert in
breaking through fear and removing
barriers to success, she shows people how
to get unstuck; to break through the
confusion and roadblocks so that they move
forward in all areas of their life.
media guest, and workshop leader engaging
audiences on business development,
personal transformation and spirituality
topics. Visit www.power
full-living.biz to learn more about
Lorraine’s services, success products, and
programs. Receive her free report ‘5
Secrets to Attracting Everything You
Want!”
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