The Secret Life of Coaches
The Secret Life of Coaches
Lifecoachinboston.com
THE SECRET LIFE OF COACHES
West Coast Detour
Once when I was in therapy the counselor made a reference to California. I lived in California for a few years so I asked her where she had lived. She refused to tell me. It was not a big deal except that she made it so. For the next two sessions we worked on why it was important for me to know where she had resided. What a waste of time. By concealing something trivial we got off track and I never came back. I felt as if her life were more meaningful than mine and for me to know anything about her gave me power I did not deserve.
Now I understand we were both wrong: she for refusing to divulge a minor detail that would have saved two sessions. If I had pursued her life story she rightly should have stopped me, but that was not my intention. She didn’t know where the question led because she had her own rigid agenda. I too was wrong because I wasted my time playing detective.
Shaggy Dog Story
I see this all the time with clients. They want to talk about what makes them comfortable rather than what made them come to me in the first place. I want them to take the lead because cois about their lives. I feel obligated to stop them when they meander on about subjects that will not improve their quality of life. For example, I worked with a woman who had a dog. She could not go on vacation unless the hotel was dog friendly. She bought a house she could not afford because it has a dog door. Her answering machine barked and requested messages be left for the dog. Dogs made her happy but she had no contact with family, no friends, no romantic relationships and very little social life. She hated her job and the town she moved to in order to take a job she hated.
I asked about the dog. I didn’t suggest she kill it or give it away or neglect it. I simply wanted to know why she spent so much energy organizing her life around it. This got her angry. “I have real problems. Why waste time asking about “Floppy”? I tried to explain that I indeed liked dogs and that having one was a normal and healthy behavior. My concern was the exclusivity of her interest. “Why do you want to know about Floppy? Why can’t we talk about my relationships, job, family, health…?” You get the idea. Is the subject a friendly way to open a conversation or a device to avoid what is really going on? A coach needs to know the difference.
The Secret Life of Coaches - To learn more about this author, visit Karen Schneiderman's Website.
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Karen Schneiderman, Ph.D.
Lifecoachinboston.com
THE SECRET LIFE OF COACHES
West Coast Detour
Once when I was in therapy the counselor made a reference to California. I lived in California for a few years so I asked her where she had lived. She refused to tell me. It was not a big deal except that she made it so. For the next two sessions we worked on why it was important for me to know where she had resided. What a waste of time. By concealing something trivial we got off track and I never came back. I felt as if her life were more meaningful than mine and for me to know anything about her gave me power I did not deserve.
Now I understand we were both wrong: she for refusing to divulge a minor detail that would have saved two sessions. If I had pursued her life story she rightly should have stopped me, but that was not my intention. She didn’t know where the question led because she had her own rigid agenda. I too was wrong because I wasted my time playing detective.
Shaggy Dog Story
I see this all the time with clients. They want to talk about what makes them comfortable rather than what made them come to me in the first place. I want them to take the lead because cois about their lives. I feel obligated to stop them when they meander on about subjects that will not improve their quality of life. For example, I worked with a woman who had a dog. She could not go on vacation unless the hotel was dog friendly. She bought a house she could not afford because it has a dog door. Her answering machine barked and requested messages be left for the dog. Dogs made her happy but she had no contact with family, no friends, no romantic relationships and very little social life. She hated her job and the town she moved to in order to take a job she hated.
I asked about the dog. I didn’t suggest she kill it or give it away or neglect it. I simply wanted to know why she spent so much energy organizing her life around it. This got her angry. “I have real problems. Why waste time asking about “Floppy”? I tried to explain that I indeed liked dogs and that having one was a normal and healthy behavior. My concern was the exclusivity of her interest. “Why do you want to know about Floppy? Why can’t we talk about my relationships, job, family, health…?” You get the idea. Is the subject a friendly way to open a conversation or a device to avoid what is really going on? A coach needs to know the difference.
The Secret Life of Coaches - To learn more about this author, visit Karen Schneiderman's Website.
Like this article? Share it with your friends
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Dave KurlanDave Kurlan is the founder and CEO of Objective Management Group, Inc., the industry leader in sales assessments and sales force evaluations, and the CEO of David Kurlan & Associates, Inc., a consulting firm specializing in sales force development. Dave has been a top rated speaker at Inc. Magazine's Conference on Growing the Company, the Sales & Marketing Management Conference and the Gazelles Sales & Marketing Summit. He has been featured on radio and TV, including World Business Review with General Norman Schwarzkopf, in Inc. Magazine, Selling Power Magazine, Sales & Marketing Management Magazine and Incentive Magazine. He is the author of Mindless Selling and Baseline Selling – How to Become a Sales Superstar by Using What You Already Know about the Game of Baseball. He created and wrote STAR, a proprietary recruiting process for hiring great salespeople, and he writes Understanding the Sales Force, a popular business Blog and is a contributing author to The Death of 20th Century Selling and 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Volume 2. - Visit Dave Kurlan's Website |
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George LudwigGeorge Ludwig is a recognized authority on sales strategy and peak performance psychology. An international speaker, trainer, and corporate consultant, he helps clients like Johnson & Johnson, Abbott Laboratories, Northwestern Mutual, CIGNA, and numerous others improve sales force effectiveness and performance. Though it's George's strategies and processes that help corporations increase productivity and performance, it's his tremendous energy and dynamism that spark the transformation. Again and again, clients remark on his amazing ability to unleash human capacity and inspire men and women to break out of their comfort zones. The result is a whole new type of salesperson. His customized presentations teach achievers to make stunning advances in their lives. From helping salespeople realize cherished dreams to helping corporations exponentially accelerate revenue streams, George Ludwig leaves audiences and individuals empowered, emboldened, and clamoring for more. George is the best-selling author of Power Selling: Seven Strategies for Cracking the Sales Code and Wise Moves: 60 Quick Tips to Improve Your Position in Life & Business. - Visit George Ludwig's Website |
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 Karen Schneiderman (Visit Karen's Website) I became a life coach after teaching and counseling for over 15 > years. My experience of therapy left me wanting because it was never > clear to me what the "work" was that I was supposed to do from session > to session. Life Coaching answered that question for me. It works on the > present and toward the future with continuity so that clients see > changes and make progress without waiting for years. Check me out at > lifecoachinboston.com. Karen Schneiderman,Ph.D.
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