Being Mindful of Who I Am

You know what I really hate about being my age? Walking into a room like a man on a mission, stopping dead in my tracks, and saying to myself, ‘What did I come in here for?’ I can forget almost anything: what I'm doing, what I'm saying (sometimes in the middle of a sentence), where I'm going, and even friends' and relatives' names. On the other hand, with all the things I have going on in my life, it's really amazing how much I can actually remember. Yet, most times, the one thing that I find most difficult to remember consistently is: who I am.

I spend an awful lot of energy remembering all the things I have to do, and remembering how they need to be done. I can easily become, as my partner says, ‘a human doing.’ Like the vacuum that forms at the core of a cyclone — an emptiness that keeps all this dirt and garbage spinning around it — there's a space where there should be a ‘me’. It's when this happens that I start ‘should-ing’ on myself. I start thinking that I ‘could-a’ ‘should-a’ ‘would-a’ done things differently, except that . . . [you can fill in your favorite excuse here].

I remember back in the sixties (yes, I really am that old) when we heard such things as, ‘I'm a person: do not bend, fold, staple, spindle or mutilate.’ That kind of mindfulness is a very special awareness. When practiced with some diligence, it allows me to remember who I really am, and not just for a moment or two, but much of the time. Who am I? I am a unique individual with a unique blend of strengths, knowledge and skills. I am an irreplaceable prerequisite for all my relationships. But, most of all, I am loved. Therefore, I matter.

Imagine what it would be like if we had real mindfulness all the time. People would no longer need to feel as though they had to prove something to others. They would already know it. People would have no more need to feel defensive or make excuses. They — we — could rest secure and free from self-doubt.

I did something that was difficult yesterday. Then, I went out with friends and had a good time. I did something for others. I spoke my truth. I felt present. I made a difference. I cannot think of anything that I did that I would do differently. I cannot think of any amends that need to be made. I was mindful.

Today is a new day and I get to start it all over again. I get to remember that I can follow my passion today, or allow others to pull me along. I can be mindful of who I am and where I'm going, or I can choose to become a cyclone of doing, empty at the core. Either way, it is inescapably my choice. Opportunities and threats will come my way today, and I will have little to say about that. But, in the end, what I do with them is my choice. No one can deprive me of that, nor can I give it away — for giving it away is, itself, a choice. In the end, I would not have it any other way, so long as I remain mindful of who I really am.

Being Mindful of Who I Am - To learn more about this author, visit Les Brown's Website.

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