Feedback Form
Home Features Mastermind Forums About Advertise Blog Network Contact Be An Author

Building Your Emotional "Fallout Shelter"

Building Your Emotional "Fallout Shelter"

When was the last time someone dropped 'the bomb' on you? You know what I mean: the last time you heard someone say, "I love you but I'm not in love with you;" or "I'm sorry but we're going to have to let you go;" or the ever-popular "The doctor wants to see you in his office right away"? Ouch! For many reasons, midlife winds up being 'ground zero' for many of life's most upsetting moments. Back in the '50's, we were universally taught to "duck and cover" as a strategy that was supposed to help us survive a nuclear bomb explosion. I'm not sure that we have any generally-accepted strategies for recovering from these kinds of midlife blasts, though. Emotionally, we're stuck with a kind of 'every person for him- or herself!' sort of approach.

By their very nature, our emotions are reactive. They're indicative that something (for better or worse) is going on with us. We're liking or disliking, fearing or fighting something in our environment. When we're hit with one of these life-bombs, our emotions first generally register shock and disbelief. We feel the emotional 'kick in the gut' that initially (at least) sends us reeling. Then, quickly or slowly, we progress through the famous Five Stages of Grief that Elizabeth Kübler-Ross wrote about: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance. It's critical that people develop effective personal strategies for dealing with these midlife 'bombs' because, as likely as not, regardless of what our past experience has been, there are probably more just like them yet to come.

Today, I don't want to talk specifically about the emotional 'shock and awe' that comes from experiencing one of these events. There's already a lot a material out there on handling crises that arrive during midlife: why we're vulnerable to them and how to cope with them when they come. Many people don't realize that, even after surviving one of these 'bombs' and getting yourself all the way to acceptance, you still have to face the fallout. It seems to me, from my own experience, that there are three kinds of fallout from an emotional blast: there's the permanent fallout (where your whole approach to life is permanently altered, as in the case of a devastating illness or injury), there's the temporary fallout (where it may take months or years to recover, as in the case of a death or relationship breakup), and finally there's the episodic fallout (where bouts of emotional distress will appear at seemingly random moments). I think people badly underestimate the effects of this last type of fallout — and they pay a heavy price for it.

Some months ago, I experienced a major disappointment that caused me to change my whole approach to the way I earn my living. It's bad enough when your boss lays you off; it's almost worse when you're your own boss! Sometimes, the hard facts of economic life come along and hit you right between the eyes with a compelling argument that's hard to ignore or avoid. Changes then have to be made, regardless of how it may feel at the time (in my case, that would be a lot of pain). Once the die is cast and the changes that must be made have been made, time mercifully allows those of us in that situation to work through grieving process. I would hope that those who care about us will be there for us, supporting us as we work through the not-altogether rational deluge of feelings that come marching along as we pass from one landmark to the next: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, at last, acceptance.

Episodic fallout throws an emotional monkey wrench into the whole process because, just when we think that we have the whole thing under control (if not licked), we experience a throw-back to one or more markers along the road that we imagine we've long-ago left behind. Suddenly, I'm angry for no reason (or disproportionately angry over something insignificant). Or, I find myself in the middle of the afternoon wanting to cry or deciding to go back to bed rather than join others in some excursion or other. "Wait a minute!" you might say, "what's going on? There's nothing wrong, and I'm feeling rotten anyway! Am I going crazy?"

No, you're not going crazy. You're just imagining things. You're not imagining your feelings. You really do feel awful. You're imagining that that you're really 'over it', just because you're not aware of the emotional fallout from what has been, for all intents and purposes, a traumatic event. Perhaps you've gained enough acceptance to have made the decision to get on with your life. That's great! It just doesn't mean that all of your emotions have caught up with your decision. Every trauma involves flash-backs: if not flash-backs where you re-live the traumatic event, then flash-backs of the emotions that accompanied them. We forget that memory is not confined to our little gray cells. There's body memory as well. All we need to do is to give our body half a chance, and it'll allow those buried emotions to come cascading out. And, by definition, it'll happen when we're least expecting it.

Now what about that fallout shelter? There's only one simple (but not easy) approach that we can take that will shelter us from these emotional flash-backs from midlife trauma: beware of free-floating emotions! By that I mean that we can actually train ourselves to spot emotions that come out of nowhere and that seem . . . well . . .  just wrong. Let the thought, "Why am I feeling this way?" raise a red flag inside your head. Of course, your first task would be to look around you to ascertain whether something is, indeed, wrong right here and now. Yet, once you've done that, and you still can't justify the way you feel, look around and see if anything is reminding you of past trauma. What are your thoughts telling you? How similar are these thoughts to the thoughts you were having when you were experiencing trauma? What unresolved questions from back then might these feeling be highlighting?

Here's side note to everyone about free-floating emotions (by that I mean emotions that seem dissociated from your current situation and environment): immediate and past situations are not the only sources for these kinds of emotions. It is possible for sensitive people to 'pick up on' the emotions of people around them — particularly people with whom they share a close intimate bond. Furthermore, it is possible to gain or grow that sensitivity. We all have that capacity, and we can choose to grow it. If you are psychically sensitive, or believe that you're becoming more so, then you have a further distraction that you need to pay attention to. You may have to ask yourself if these free-floating emotions might be coming from someone outside yourself. Look around; see what you can find. If possible, ask the people closest to you how they're doing.

Turning back to you and to your fallout emotions: I firmly believe that you can learn to manage these feelings, once you've recognized them for what they are. Emotions only have the power to disrupt your life so long as they're not serving their purpose (which is to alert you of what's going on). As long as you're aware that you may not be finished with your denial, anger, bargaining and depression, even when you seem to be feeling 'fine', when the fallout comes (as it will), you'll be better able to identify its source and know how to handle it. After all, you've already handled it once; this 'fallout' is just an encore performance letting you know that there's more work to be done before you're finished with it. My parents died fifteen years ago, and I still have pangs of grief once in a while. Your best shelter, then, is this: a) know how to identify free-floating emotions and b) when they come, take good care of yourself, just exactly the way you did when the feelings came the first time. Not all fallout shelters are holes in the ground, you know: don't forget to turn to your Higher Power at those times. Remember the words of that old hymn: "O God, our help in ages past, our hope for years to come, our shelter from the stormy blast, and our eternal home."





Building Your Emotional Fallout Shelter - To learn more about this author, visit Les Brown's Website.

Like this article? Share it with your friends

Article Feedback
 Article Feedback No article feedback found.
  Leave Your Feedback
article feedback

Article Feedback
Cheryl Matthynssens

Cheryl is a life skills coach, licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor and a 20 year entrepreneur.  Cheryl's dedication to achieving a life of balance led to her expanding her teaching from the simple managing of life's daily challenges to adding financial well being as well.  A direct marketer with DrinkACT, she is gaining ground in the online community with her concepts of making sure business owners, entreprenuers and employees have well rounded life styles.  She opened up a small affiliate site - The Balance Guide-  to help others find resources for mental and emotional well being.  Visit Cheryl's blog to see more of the diversity beyond business she has began offering online at www.thebalanceguide.blogspot.com

- Visit Cheryl Matthynssens's Website


To learn more about the Evan Elite Author Program please contact us.

About The Author


Les Brown
(Visit Les's Website) H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC grew up in an entrepreneurial family and has been an entrepreneur for most of his life. He is the author of The Frazzled Entrepreneur's Guide to Having It All. Les is a certified Franklin Covey coach and a certified Marshall Goldsmith Leadership Effectiveness coach. He has Masters Degrees in philosophy and theology from the University of Ottawa. His experience includes ten years in the ministry and over fifteen years in corporate management. His expertise as an innovator and change strategist has enabled him to develop a program that allows his clients to effect deep and lasting change in their personal and professional lives. Les is currently focusing his energies on creating a program to address the difficulties successful men face as they approach midlife. You can find out more about the Midlife Mastery programs at www.Mi dlifeMaster.com.

Les Brown is a Platinum author on EvanCarmichael.com
About The Author

View Author Blog
The Frazzled Entrepreneurs Balance Beam - For the Frazzled Entrepreneur Seeking Balance.
The Frazzled Entrepreneurs Balance Beam
View Author Blog

View Author Video
View Author Video

Free Downloads


Les Brown's

Complete
List Of
Work-Life
Articles

Name
Email
If you enjoyed this article, get Les Brown's Complete List of Work-Life Articles For FREE!

More Les Brown
Anticipation Proactive Responsibility
Our Secret AntiAging Formula
The World As You Never Saw It
How Powerful Is Your Denial
The Aging Parent Trap
Whats Happening to Your Husband
A Sneak Peek at the Future
Life Is Change Stagnation Equals Death
Repent The End Is Near
Could It Be Male Menopause
Free Downloads


 
 
 


Evan Elite Authors
John Alexander  
Jay Kubassek  
David Acheson  
Evan Elite Authors

Become An Author
Have you written articles that would be of value to entrepreneurs? Become an expert on our site by publishing them! Expose yourself to a wide audience, drive more traffic to your website and get more sales! Click Here for details.
Become An Author

Evan's Latest Video
Modeling the Masters: Learn the true secrets behind Walt Disney's business success factors & grow your company! Video produced by Phanta Media
Evan's Latest Video

Business Opportunities
"Learn straight from Evan how you can Make a Full Time Income (And More) from a Website"

How to Start An Online Business

Click Here To Learn More
Business Opportunities



Evan's Newsletter
Get advice & tips from famous business owners, new articles by entrepreneur experts, my latest website updates, & special sneak peaks at what's to come!
Name:
Email:
Evan`s Newsletter

Free Downloads
Success Worksheet Icon Success Worksheet
EQ SUCCESS STORIES Icon EQ SUCCESS STORIES
Quick Start Guide Icon Quick Start Guide
How to Get a Life Icon How to Get a Life
Building Business Relationships Icon Building Business Relationships
Free Downloads - Complete List

Entrepreneur Tools and Guides
Top 50 Social Entrepreneur Blogs of 2009
Top Social Business Blogs
Top Social Entrepreneur Blogs
 
Top 50 Blogs For Startups To Watch In 2008
Top 50 Blogs For Startups
Top Blogs To Watch In 2008
 
Entrepreneur Tools and Guides

SEO For Africa
SEO For Africa
Grace Obanor Benin City, Nigeria,
Grace Obanor
Benin City, Nigeria
SEO For Africa

If I Were A Startup...
Lisa Shepherd, $335k to $1.1 Mil in 2 years
Lisa Shepherd
$335k to $1.1 Mil in 2 years
Brian Scudamore, $200k to $8 Mil in 5 years
Brian Scudamore
$200k to $8 Mil in 5 years
If I Were A Startup... - Complete List

Famous Entrepreneurs
David Ogilvy, Ogilvy & Mather
David Ogilvy
Ogilvy & Mather
George Steinbrenner, New  York Yankees
George Steinbrenner
New York Yankees
Famous Entrepreneurs - Complete List

Entrepreneur Advice
Zig Ziglar, See You At The Top
Zig Ziglar
See You At The Top
Paul Kedrosky, Venture Capitalist
Paul Kedrosky
Venture Capitalist
Entrepreneur Advice - Complete List

Popular Articles
(Premium Authors)

     Entrepreneurship Has No Age Limit Or Boundaries...
By Gregory Henderson
     Is There Really a Secret to Starting an Online Home Business? Yes Absolutely!
By Gregory Henderson
     Home Base Business - The Secret To Successfully Starting A Profitable Business
By Gregory Henderson

Have A Suggestion?
Toronto Salsa Classes / Toronto Salsa Lessons Email us your ideas on how to make our website more valuable! Thank you Sharon from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for your suggestions to make the newsletter look like the website and profile younger entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez and Sean Combs!
Have A Suggestion?

More Evan Carmichael
More Information