There are (among other things) at least two features that we guys are famous for: not asking for directions, and never reading the instructions before assembling a new 'toy'. That describes me fairly well. I remember driving through the maze of streets in Salerno, Italy, trying to get to the other side of the city. Craig was insisting that I stop and ask for directions, but not I! And I made it through perfectly well, and we were on our way. (I never told him that as long as I kept the ocean to my left, I was sure we were going in the right direction.) And, as for instruction books, I don't know why the manufacturers even bother: after all, most men won't let anyone else assemble anything, and it's a matter of pride when we can do it without help. That's how we are.
Don't get me wrong: I think most of us know that most women could do at least as well in the assembly department as we men (and that some of us men aren't all that adept at it anyway). On the other hand, we believe it's our job in the great scheme of things to put things together. We also believe that it's an innate gift we were given by virtue of our masculinity. We somehow believe that we shouldn't have to learn how things work; we should just know. It's not surprising, then, to find out that most men (as well as many women) are quite unaware of how the human body (especially the female human body) works. We've all got one. Isn't that enough?
Well, unfortunately, no, that's not enough; not anymore. Shooting from the hip, assuming that we've got the right target and know precisely what we're doing — even without taking the time to study and learn — just won't get you where you want to go in this highly complex and highly competitive world. Isn't it fascinating to hear people complain, especially around election time, how dysfunctional everything is? Then, when you press them for details about what they've actually done either to prepare themselves for something better or to create real change, most people are silent. When you live in a complacent society and you do nothing, then you deserve the complacency you get. Complaints are not a birthright, they're something you have to earn by working to change the status quo.
When people, especially guys, complain about the issues around growing older, my impulse would be to ask them what they've done to explore those issues, research what's going on, talk to (or listen to), share information with people they trust and respect. Yet, at the same time, I feel sorry for guys heading into midlife. They're heading into a transition period that's potentially more disruptive and has more significant consequences than puberty with little or no preparation (other than the occasional 'midlife crisis' joke). Often, when people are uncomfortable discussing a subject, they make jokes about it. When they can't handle it, they ridicule it. When they're ignorant about it, they make fun of it. It's the adult version of the nervous laughter that used to erupt from groups of adolescents when an adult would mention anything sexual (I may be showing my age here).
I'm doing my part trying to raise guys' consciousness around the subject of midlife. You'll find that you can't do anything to fix midlife, but your success and ease in getting through it is directly proportional to your level of awareness about what's going on. That's the antidote to the midlife crisis: getting to know your own body and your own life inside and out; taking those steps that are essential for keeping your organism functioning optimally. Most of all, to succeed in the midlife transition, you're going to need to get over your rugged individualism, your need to be an expert (and 'right'), and your aversion to studying what's going on before you get yourself into trouble. In this case, being a 'real man' means getting a grip on what's going on inside you: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You'll find that the more you discover about yourself, the less confusion you'll face, and the more expertise you'll show as you transition into the next (and most fulfilling) phase of your life.
Don't Confuse Me with the Facts! - To learn more about this author, visit Les Brown's Website.
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Les Brown
(Visit Les's Website)
H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC grew up in an
entrepreneurial family and has been an
entrepreneur for most of his life. He is
the author of The Frazzled Entrepreneur's Guide to
Having It All. Les is a certified
Franklin Covey coach and a certified
Marshall Goldsmith Leadership
Effectiveness coach. He has Masters
Degrees in philosophy and theology from
the University of Ottawa. His experience
includes ten years in the ministry and
over fifteen years in corporate
management. His expertise as an innovator
and change strategist has enabled him to
develop a program that allows his clients
to effect deep and lasting change in their
personal and professional lives.
Les is currently focusing his energies on
creating a program to address the
difficulties successful men face as they
approach midlife. You can find out more
about the Midlife Mastery programs at www.MidlifeMa
ster.com.
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