Empathy Means Not Going It Alone

Sometimes I hit an emotional wall. It's not a particularly fun thing to do. When that happens, the ‘frame’ that I use to view the world of purposeful change narrows to the point that I feel like I was doing my work all alone. (More about ‘framing’ in a future article.) For a little while, I think in terms of ‘me’ instead of ‘us’. For that short space of time, I forget that ‘I can't; we can.’ In fact, purposeful change never happens in a vacuum and, when I do things all by myself, that creates a vacuum. For any number of reasons, purposeful change requires a community — no matter how small it may be.
Each of us has many strengths, but no one of us has a complete set. There are always things that we have difficulty managing. No one of us has a ‘frame’ that includes all that can be known about everything. There are always blind spots (called scatomas) that lie outside of our personal ‘frame’. And the same is true of every person we encounter. To accomplish our purpose, we need, at the same time, to give of our talents, knowledge, skills, experiences and viewpoints, and also actively to seek these things from others. Building a common purpose requires building a community of similarly committed people.
This awareness that I call ‘empathy’ is not optional. Like every other type of critical awareness, empathy, too, is make-or-break. That's one reason you're reading this article. None of us can effectively do our work in isolation. So, let's see whether or not we can make it work in practice.
At the top of my web page there was a working definition of ‘purposeful change’: Purposeful change is systemic change that is controlled, evolutionary and enduring. Tim O'Reilly from O'Reilly and Associates (publishers) offered another possible definition, when he said his mission was ‘life and having an impact.’ As yet another option, I also like the theme: ‘making a difference.’ How would you describe the legacy you would like to leave behind? What is the one thing you would want people to say about you, when you're gone?
It's time to stop and to acknowledge those people whom I have in my life who care and who are supportive. There are many who offer me much more than I can offer them (at least at this moment in time). Not only are there those with whom I can share my vision, but there are those who offer me some of their own.
When I let them, those who take the risk of letting me see their vision give me the gift of enriching my own. Yet, before I can receive their visions, I have to appreciate them as people. Before I can appreciate them, I must have developed enough humility in myself that I can see what they have to offer me as gift and not as a challenge (even when it comes packaged in challenging words). I cannot be empathetic and appreciative at the same time that I am being defensive or dismissive.
I do not have to accept every vision or ‘frame’ as my own, but, unless I give each vision the appreciation it deserves, I lock myself into a closed, dark corridor and I cannot change purposefully. And, regardless of how I define it, purposeful change is, after all, what I want.


Empathy Means Not Going It Alone - To learn more about this author, visit Les Brown's Website.

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