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Empathy Means Not Going It Alone

Written by: Les Brown

Article Overview: When I feel overwhelmed, it's often because I forget that I'm not in competition with the rest of the world, but I always have the option to join in cooperation. That requires that I adjust my attitude toward the rest of the population of the world and see them as other 'selves' rather than threats. This awareness, this attitude, I call 'empathy'.

Empathy Means Not Going It Alone

Sometimes I hit an emotional wall. It's not a particularly fun thing to do. When that happens, the ‘frame’ that I use to view the world of purposeful change narrows to the point that I feel like I was doing my work all alone. (More about ‘framing’ in a future article.) For a little while, I think in terms of ‘me’ instead of ‘us’. For that short space of time, I forget that ‘I can't; we can.’ In fact, purposeful change never happens in a vacuum and, when I do things all by myself, that creates a vacuum. For any number of reasons, purposeful change requires a community — no matter how small it may be.
Each of us has many strengths, but no one of us has a complete set. There are always things that we have difficulty managing. No one of us has a ‘frame’ that includes all that can be known about everything. There are always blind spots (called scatomas) that lie outside of our personal ‘frame’. And the same is true of every person we encounter. To accomplish our purpose, we need, at the same time, to give of our talents, knowledge, skills, experiences and viewpoints, and also actively to seek these things from others. Building a common purpose requires building a community of similarly committed people.
This awareness that I call ‘empathy’ is not optional. Like every other type of critical awareness, empathy, too, is make-or-break. That's one reason you're reading this article. None of us can effectively do our work in isolation. So, let's see whether or not we can make it work in practice.
At the top of my web page there was a working definition of ‘purposeful change’: Purposeful change is systemic change that is controlled, evolutionary and enduring. Tim O'Reilly from O'Reilly and Associates (publishers) offered another possible definition, when he said his mission was ‘life and having an impact.’ As yet another option, I also like the theme: ‘making a difference.’ How would you describe the legacy you would like to leave behind? What is the one thing you would want people to say about you, when you're gone?
It's time to stop and to acknowledge those people whom I have in my life who care and who are supportive. There are many who offer me much more than I can offer them (at least at this moment in time). Not only are there those with whom I can share my vision, but there are those who offer me some of their own.
When I let them, those who take the risk of letting me see their vision give me the gift of enriching my own. Yet, before I can receive their visions, I have to appreciate them as people. Before I can appreciate them, I must have developed enough humility in myself that I can see what they have to offer me as gift and not as a challenge (even when it comes packaged in challenging words). I cannot be empathetic and appreciative at the same time that I am being defensive or dismissive.
I do not have to accept every vision or ‘frame’ as my own, but, unless I give each vision the appreciation it deserves, I lock myself into a closed, dark corridor and I cannot change purposefully. And, regardless of how I define it, purposeful change is, after all, what I want.

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Article Tags: blind spots, common purpose, critical awareness, empathy, experiences, framing, fun thing, isolation, knowledge skills, legacy, o reilly, one thing, publishers, purposeful change, short space, systemic change, talents, vacuum, viewpoints, web page



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Pitch Like A Girl: How a Woman Can Be Herself and Still Succ - Pitch Like A Girl: How a Woman Can Be Herself and Still Succeed Ronna Lichtenberg 2005 From the inside cover: "As a woman, you probably feel uncomfortable when it comes to promoting yourself and asking for what you want." WHAT IN THE HECK IS THIS, I asked myself when I read that. Women are the fastest growing business owners in the US and Canada, there are t housands of women executives and CEOs - though not as many as might be expected, admittedly, yet the book opens with this surely out of date stereotype. However, as she continued to give examples of women who had high paying jobs but were routinely not paid as much as men because it hadn't occurred to them to ask for raises, etc., I decided it was probably true for a majority of businesswomen... Anyway, more of the info from the jacket: "Other books have told you how to get what you want by being more like a guy. Pitch Like A Girl tells you why its an advantage to be who you are and how to do better by bringing more of yourself to work." The TOC: 1. Pink and Blue 2. The Quck-dry Chapter 3. What's In your head that's not in his 4. The Me, Inc Mindset 5. Visioning: Discover What You Really Want 6. Identifying Prospects 7. Pre-pitch homework and heartwork 8. Crafting the pitch 9. Pricing the pitch 10. Packaging the pitch 11. Delivering the pitch 12. Closing Conclusion A Word to the guys The Empathy Quotient The Systemizing Quotient Bibliography And on a side note - non-fiction books without indexes - of which this is one, annoy me.


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