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Midlife Dispells the Security Mirage

Written by: Les Brown

Article Overview: The belief that we can work our way to security becomes a deadly trap in midlife. Acceptance at a deep, spiritual level provides the only way out.

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Midlife Dispells the Security Mirage

I'm very fond of the concept of 'social security', regardless of whether or not any social insurance program (either for retirement or medical necessities) could provide 'security'. At some point in our personal evolution, I hope that we'd reach the point where we'd realize the truth about 'security'; we'd save ourselves a lot of trouble and disappointment if we'd only come to the realization that security remains a wonderful childhood fantasy along with the tooth fairy, the Easter bunny and Santa Claus (sorry for the spoiler, kids).

Although I know that we gain a tremendous amount of comfort from believing in these things, serious problems arise when (as inevitably happens), we're confronted with the stark reality of the unforeseen. Chaos theory reigns! Murphy has the upper hand! "What can go wrong, will go wrong." Or, if you'd rather, "The best laid schemes o' Mice an' Men, Gang aft agley." In the mirages of childhood (that continue in an unbroken chain through adulthood), catastrophe happens only rarely and, on those rare occasions when it does, it only happens to other people. Work hard, pay attention to your spouse and kids, eat right, exercise and get plenty of rest, and you'll be OK, no matter what.

Then, along comes midlife, and the curtain is drawn back to reveal glimpses of a reality that extends beyond every 'risk assessment.' I'm particularly fond of the scene in the movie Jurassic Park where the paleontologist is explaining to a mouthy kid what it was like to be hunted by velociraptors: while you're preparing to protect yourself from the one in front of you, the two in the bushes behind you that you never see are the ones that tear you to pieces. As the graceless doctor who was caring for my father in his final illness said to us, "Well, you have to die from something." No matter how careful you are; no matter how many precautions you've taken; no matter how big and elaborate your risk assessments may be; you'll eventually discover, "You have to die from something."

It's the inevitability of insecurity that puts the jolt in 'midlife crisis', isn't it? Our midlife nightmares arise out of an ever-deepening appreciation for the fact that some eventualities are, in the end, inevitable. Gertrude Stein once said, "There ain't no answer. There ain't gonna be any answer. There never has been an answer. That's the answer."

After many years, I just rediscovered my all-time favorite Peanuts comic strip by the author and Lutheran theologian, Charles Shultz. Lucy says to Charlie Brown (no relation), "Charlie Brown, I'll hold the football, and you come running up and kick it." Charlie Brown laments loudly, "How long, O Lord?" But, Lucy continues, "You're quoting from the sixth chapter of Isaiah, aren't you Charlie Brown? 'Until cities lie waste without inhabitant and houses without men and the land is utterly desolate . . .' Actually, there's a note of protest in the question as asked by Isaiah, for we might say he was unwilling to accept the finality of the Lord's judgment." Charlie Brown kicks, Lucy pulls the football away at the last moment, and Good Ol' Charlie Brown lands on his back with an agonizing, "AUGHHH! WUMP!" Standing over him, looking down, Lucy concludes her sermon: "How long? All your life, Charlie Brown . . . All your life."

If security is only an illusion, then what's the point? The answer that eluded Gertrude Stein and all those who, like Isaiah, resist "the finality of the Lord's judgment" rests in a very simple (non-intoxicating) attitude adjustment. The answer lies simply in acceptance — neither grudging nor simpering — just acceptance. Unfortunately, life on the surface can't sustain pure acceptance. Reality wrenches the pretense of acceptance from your superficial lip service. True acceptance goes very deep. In fact, unless it touches your core, it has no capacity for endurance or forbearance. Acceptance only comes when you recognize that your insecurities devolve from the challenges posed by a greater plan: one that you're only a small part of. Only if we can surrender to a Power greater than ourselves can we ever learn to ask that Power, "What is the lesson in this for me?" Only once we are able to ask that question can we know acceptance; and only when we know acceptance can we ever know maturity . . . or peace of mind.

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Home > Work-Life > Les Brown > Midlife Dispells the Security Mirage
Article Tags: adulthood, best laid schemes, chaos theory, childhood fantasy, easter bunny, gang aft agley, glimpses, jurassic park, medical necessities, midlife, mirages, paleontologist, personal evolution, risk assessments, social insurance program, stark reality, those rare occasions, tooth fairy, unbroken chain, velociraptors

About the Author: Les Brown
RSS for Les's articles - Visit Les's website

H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC grew up in an entrepreneurial family and has been an entrepreneur for most of his life. He is the author of The Frazzled Entrepreneur's Guide to Having It All. Les is a certified Franklin Covey coach and a certified Marshall Goldsmith Leadership Effectiveness coach. He has Masters Degrees in philosophy and theology from the University of Ottawa. His experience includes ten years in the ministry and over fifteen years in corporate management. His expertise as an innovator and change strategist has enabled him to develop a program that allows his clients to effect deep and lasting change in their personal and professional lives. Les is currently focusing his energies on creating a program to address the difficulties successful men face as they approach midlife. You can find out more about the Midlife Mastery programs at www.MidlifeMaster.com.

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Re: HOw to market a B2B consulting company Re: HOw to market a B2B consulting company - How about providing a white paper on Common security holes (only mention the ones that the prospect can easily and inexpensively fix themselves). Towards the end explain that there are other greater security flaws that exist and that you provide a "Free Security Consultation and Report". They could use this report to get cheaper quotes but you are getting so much more... you get face time with the company and get to build rapport with them. I know of a company here in Toronto that does Energy Audits on your home and provide you with a report on ways you can save energy- they also also offer to fix it for you through their suppliers. they had a story run on them on Earth Day this year and they were bombarded with over 200 calls in one day to have these audits done. The audits are done for free. You could write up a shocking story on Security and holes that exist within businesses today and submit this story to the newspapers business edition or to a Trade Magazine written for the industry you are trying to serve. Most journalists may pick up this article and feature it or interview you directly. Also, I would redesign your site to be more Information-based to educate potential prospects (how to solve common security issues) rather than it being all about the company - people are more interested in solving their problem and often aren't searching the internet for a particular company by name unless it is well established. So give them juicy information freely. note: When I first heard this idea of giving away free information about solving a problem I was hesitant to use it in my web design business. I gave it a try anyways and the amazing part was that even the easy inexpensive things I advised them they could fix in their websites they offered to pay me to do it for them - from there I was able to upsell them on greater improvements. I've since sold this company - but it was fun!


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