Tweet

. . . The Wisdom to Know the Difference

Written by: Les Brown

Article Overview: One of the most heart-wrenching moments in life is when you meet a dead-end. One of the most difficult decisions is accepting it for what it is.

. . . The Wisdom to Know the Difference

One of the most difficult virtues to attain is wisdom. Nobody becomes wise through an accident of birth or by osmosis. As has often been said, wisdom derives from good judgment, which, in turn, derives from bad judgment — and an awful lot of it. Jesus told his disciples, "By their fruits you shall know them." Human history is an immense tapestry of good and bad judgment calls, wisdom and folly, all intertwined. "It seemed like a good idea at the time," represents a sad epitaph. Yet, when the smoke has cleared and the results of our decision-making have been revealed, there's no escaping the evidence. Credit default swaps certainly must have seemed like a good idea at the time, but now it'd take quite a stretch of the imagination to pretend that the results were anything short of disastrous.

There's never a shortage of denial among us human beasties. Just when you might imagine that all the evidence is in and irrefutable, someone shows up with his (or her) head in the sand, proclaiming the black is white and up is down. The world sadly experiences no shortage of Holocaust deniers . . . and that's only one example. Yes, wisdom can be very hard to come by and, when you do come by it, it can be very expensive. As a boy, my dad was having a lot of fun feeding paper into a reel lawn mower and watching the blades shred the paper. That is, he had fun until it lopped off the tip of his thumb, giving him a bump (where they reattached it) that he carried with him to the grave. Of course, I was much wiser than he: I was cutting photographic paper into narrow test strips on the paper cutter in my darkroom one day until it lopped off the top of my index finger. Unlike my dad, I'm carrying a flat top finger with me to my grave. As the Pennsylvania Dutch were fond of saying, "We're too soon old and too late smart."

"The wisdom to know the difference," says the end of the Serenity Prayer (short version). The difference between what? Between the things I can and cannot change. What, after all, actually falls within my power to change? Only time (and a lot of it) teaches the truth about that. There's very little (if anything) outside of myself that I can change. In fact, one of the things that I've learned through this long life-education process is that changing myself offers the only hope I have of changing situations. It's a Great Truth of systems theory that the more you try to impose change from the outside, the more resistance your system will offer. Yet, people keep pouring their resources into trying to change the world only to find themselves exhausted and the world virtually unaffected. You know the explanation the guy offered when asked why he kept beating his head against the wall, don't you? "It feels so good when I stop," he volunteered.

At some point, there exists a watershed point between the courage to work for change and the serenity to accept the world as it is. The Wisdom Point reveals itself in the continuum between commitment and insanity: between doing what you can and doing the same thing over and over again with the same results. Age seems to be of little help here. You've got more knowledge, skill and experience and can handle more difficult and challenging situations, so you'd expect to be able to accomplish more. Life allows you glimpses of progress from time to time, sometimes only to bolster your hopes. Successful casinos always let you win some; they know you'll be back, encouraged, and ready to fall prey to their lopsided odds. "The wisdom to know the difference." "Strange game. The only winning move is not to play." [War Games] There comes a point — graced by wisdom — that you experience the existence of that watershed point and you learn that it's time to say 'enough is enough'.

It may be true that winners never quit and quitters never win, but then along comes the midlife transition and you get to see that what got you here won't get you there. [Marshall Goldsmith] Wisdom gives you the power and authority to change from courage to serenity, from engagement to acceptance. I speak sometimes about the cardinal virtues: acceptance, engagement and trust: acceptance of the past, engagement in the present, trust in the future. While never abandoning trust, engagement must always give way to acceptance. That's the way of wisdom. In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus recommend to his disciples: "When you have done everything you were ordered to do, say, 'We are but unworthy servants. We have done only what we ought to have done.'"

So, there comes a time when you stand and look around you and see that there's no more that you should do. Evidently, there's much more that you could do ('could' is a bottomless well of possibility), but there's no more that you need to do. The Wisdom Point comes when you reach Stage Five grief: acceptance. It arrives when it finally sinks in that your business is finished; when you look at your career and finally acknowledge that you can't do this anymore; when you realize that leaving a marriage will be much less painful than staying in it; when you finally accept that doing the things you love to do isn't worth dying for. That, after all, is the ultimate 'dead end,' isn't it? Wisdom dictates that you don't have to take it that far; you don't have to let your stubbornness kill you. Until the ultimate 'dead end', every ending is a new beginning, though sometimes it's hard to know one from the other. We can pray for "the wisdom to know the difference."

Related Articles
  Wisdom
  Meaning of Wisdom – It’s a 3-step process
  The Difference Between Winning the Deal & Losing the Deal
  Wising up to the world today!
  The Power of Practical Wisdom

Article Tags: accident of birth, bad judgment, beasties, credit default swaps, darkroom, folly, good idea at the time, head in the sand, holocaust deniers, human history, index finger, paper cutter, pennsylvania dutch, photographic paper, reel lawn mower, serenity prayer, test strips, turn derives from, virtues, wisdom to know the difference



Related Forum Posts
God's Diet - Very interesting, from both a health perspective and a marketing perspective. Growing up Mormon we were raised on The Word of Wisdom. No coffee, no tea, no junk food, no smoking, no drinking..etc. All good. But I think its harder and harder to find true, pure food these days. And lets face it, I'm not likely to start growing my own produce or keeping cattle..
Meet Mary Sue Milliken - chef and restaurant owner - Mary Sue Milliken will be at our "Launching an Edible Life" event February 4 in Los Angeles ... come join us! Contact aswift@ladieswholaunch.com for registration details. If there's just one thing you need to open a restaurant, it would have to be a stove, right? Think again. When Mary Sue Milliken and her best friend/fellow chef/business partner Susan Feniger opened City Cafe in Los Angeles in 1981, they had no stove or oven, only a hot plate and a hibachi out back in the alley. Humble digs, especially for two professionally trained chefs-Milliken had attended Washburne Culinary Institute, while Feniger studied at the Culinary Institute of America. Their resumes included stints at three-star restaurants in France, Spago in Los Angeles, and Le Perroquet in Chicago, where they met in 1978-the first women working in that restaurant's all-male kitchen. Rich in experience and vision, but not in funds, they were happy to have a restaurant to call their own and quickly began perfecting a unique, multicultural fare, which incorporated recipes from Greek, Indian, and Thai cultures, as well as their own mothers' recipes. Once they expanded to City Restaurant in 1985, they became culinary icons, recognized for their fresh mix of refined culinary technique and exotic Third World flavors, all dished up with down-home charm and playful enthusiasm. Now overseeing 375 employees between the Border Grill restaurants in Santa Monica and Las Vegas and Ciudad in downtown Los Angeles, the partners have also found time to write five cookbooks, including the recent Mexican Cooking Essentials for Dummies; host the popular Food Network shows "Too Hot Tamales" and "Tamales World Tour"; and launch the Border Girls brand at Whole Foods Market. What we learned from Mary Sue: Not every venture will be successful, but every experience will be worthwhile. "You've got to bounce back and just keep going. They're all great lessons to learn." Words of Wisdom "I think we both subconsciously were willing to start in a really meager setting, just because it was an opportunity not to work for a man." Penniless But Passionate "We had come home [from France] with the intent to open a restaurant together, and we didn't have a penny to our names. I was 23 years old. I had not been to college. I had no idea how to launch a business. None. Susan had a degree in economics and had been to chef's school. She's five years older than me. But she also didn't have any idea how to launch a business." Cook What You Know "First of all, you just copy things. But then, it starts to be a very personal cuisine, which is what we basically used those three-and-half years at City Cafe for-to create our own personal style of food. And it was so well-received. It started out as country French food, and it kept expanding all the time." Eclecticism, Not Fusion "We did some really groundbreaking stuff. This was in 1984, and still, when our City Cuisine cookbook came out in '87, people said there's nowhere to put this book on the shelves of the cookbook aisles, because you guys are all over the map. And there just wasn't that kind of integration of different culinary ideas. We never called what we did "fusion." We always felt like we stayed very true to the Greek cuisine, or the Indian, or the Thai, or the Mexican, or the Scandinavian, or whatever it was." On-the-Job Training We slowly started learning about business, so when we launched City Restaurant, which was really the thing that put us on the map, it was a 125-seat restaurant with a full-on kitchen. It was on La Brea. We raised the $660,000, and had to do a whole prospectus. I'll never forget, my net worth was $12,000, and Susan's wasn't much more. But we were able to learn by the seat of our pants, and we've been learning ever since." How Much Is Enough? "We were just making educated guesses-or uneducated guesses. In the end, $660,000 was not enough money at all. We were completely short, and we had to get an angel to come in and sign a guarantee on a bank line of credit for us. Really, it was a stressful opening, because we only had like two-and-a-half days in the kitchen with food before we had to open the doors to the public because we were so broke." Hindsight Is 20/20 "If I knew then what I know now, I would have somehow found some financial bridge so that we could have had a little more practice before we opened. I mean, literally, the first couple weeks, there were nights that we didn't even go home, and we were really burning the candle down to zero." It's a Man's World "I think we were both ready to be on our own. And the prospect of working under men, and working our way up, and trying to fight through all of the barriers, looked less fulfilling than just starting out [on our own]. Even though we didn't even have a stove, we still opted to start out calling our own shots." Know When to Grow "The growth ... it's a really personal thing. It depends on how equipped you are for the challenge and stress of growth, and how your business is doing. I mean, we've grown where things worked out really well, and we've grown where it's created a big strain on the existing businesses, and the new businesses didn't work." On Losing Money "When I look back on it, I think, 'Well, I didn't go to college. That's about how much college might cost me. I'll just chalk it up to experience.' Now I have an even better understanding, and luckily, it didn't happen at a time when I really couldn't afford it. But I'll tell you, being an entrepreneur and being in business is a real roller coaster." A Thankless Job Has Its Rewards "When the Food Network came asking for us to come and promote our second book, and they noticed we were funny and how we finished each other's sentences, they said, 'You girls should have a TV show.' The reason we should have had a TV show was that we did all of this really thankless teaching before that, and I'm not even sure it brought bodies into the restaurant. A lot of people might have looked at it as a waste of time. But I think you never know what skill you're going to develop, [and our teaching gave us the skills we needed to do the Food Network show.]" Be a Great Boss "We learn a lot from our colleagues, and from other companies that we want to be like. We're always looking for innovative ways to really make our workplace so phenomenally attractive that we can't lose good people, and we can attract the best. Those are big goals for us all the time." My Most Rewarding Business Moments... "... are when one of our past employees mentions how working for us made a difference in their lives. It's the best feeling in the world!" Be Good at Everything "You have to be a great leader, as well as a great cook, as well as organized, because it's a business of so many details. I think there are a lot of restaurants that fall through the cracks because they're missing the boat on something, and customers just don't come back." All Work and No Play "You have to be willing to walk away when you have a pile of work on your desk and stuff that you really should get done. You've got to be willing to walk away and clear your mind and be in the moment with your children or your husband, or whoever. You have to convince yourself that it's equally, or more, important than your job." This Featured Lady was profiled by Sarah Tomlinson, a Los Angeles-based freelance writer.
Meet Kim Kleeman - Shakespeare Squared: Named one of Inc.'s - THIS IS PRETTY INTERESTING. WISH I'D THOUGHT OF IT FIRST!!!! Meet Kim Kleeman: Shakespeare Squared: Named one of Inc.'s 500 Fastest Growing Private Companies in America. Recognized as one of Working Mother magazine's 25 Best Small Companies. Awarded the title of Illinois Family Business of the Year. Lofty accomplishments for company founder Kim Kleeman, a woman who just a few short years ago swore she would never own her own business! Having grown up the child of business-owner parents, Kleeman knew well the stresses and demands that entrepreneurial life can place upon a family. She met her husband, Jay, on the first day of college, and together they earned their teaching degrees and started making plans for a modest but happy life. When Jay's stint as a student teacher strained the family budget, though, they both started doing subcontract work proofing elementary school textbooks. Before long, they were taking on bigger jobs and hiring other teachers to freelance on various projects, and from that point on, they never looked back. In 2003, the couple founded Shakespeare Squared, an educational development company that employs an army of freelancers to write and edit materials such as textbooks, lesson plans, teacher guides, activity workbooks, and test-preparation materials. Initially a home-based business managed by Kim while Jay continued his work as a high school teacher, the company now has a full-time staff of 20 and is branching out in new directions, publishing its own materials and offering an educational editing certification process. In three years' time, the company has grown by an incredible 815 percent, bringing in $2.3 million in revenue last year. What we learned from Kim: That the most incredible resource for launching might very well be your own friends and family. Kim started this business with her husband; her best friend since high school is her director of human resources; her sister is a remote project coordinator; her lawyer brother weighs in on various matters; her mom is a managing editor; and her parents are her de facto advisory board, with whom she meets every morning to share a cup of tea and conversation in their backyard. Words of Wisdom "Trust your instincts and empower your people." From Teacher to Tycoon "I don't know if I had a big 'aha' moment about starting a business; our growth was really organic. After my second child I immediately got pregnant with my third and there was no turning back, because we weren't going to be able to afford day care for two babies on two teachers' salaries. I had been working from home and continuously had one or two projects going, and I set a goal of having 10 projects running simultaneously. So after my son was born, I enacted my own guerilla marketing plan and e-mailed every editorial director at the big publishing companies, looking for projects. We soon landed our first big client, HarperCollins Children's Books." Not About the Money "I just wanted to make the best company that I could and be happy doing it. If that included millions of dollars, great, but that wasn't really the goal. I didn't know at first how much work we would end up getting, but I think the extensive classroom experience of our people sets us apart in this field. As teachers ourselves, we understand the needs of our clients and we deliver on that." It Takes a Village "We employ over 400 freelance writers. Most are former teachers but we pull from publishing, journalism, and other fields as well. We developed a writing test that covers everything from copyrighting to educational taboos, and prospective freelancers must earn at least a B+. A nice plus with our business is the opportunity we can offer teachers for life beyond teaching. I really promote teachers in the classroom, but if the classroom just isn't your thing and you're still passionate about education, there is a place for you here." Those Who Can, Teach "Educators in this country are getting a bad rap. We ask them to perform many roles and yet we're not supporting them as a society. Prospective teachers must student teach to become certified and are expected to not work while doing so, but there are so many people from diverse backgrounds who would love to teach-and who would be great teachers-who can't afford to do that. The Shakespeare Squared Foundation helps pay for prospective teachers to student teach. My passion is to get the right teachers in place, because that makes all the difference for students." The Best and the Brightest "It is definitely a challenge to find and retain the best talent, because I am up against large publishers. I have to provide a different culture and be creative in the way I offer benefits. We really believe in the work/life balance and offer such things as flex hours, remote work capabilities, and a working-parents room in the office. We've been recognized for these efforts, and because of them, our turnover is very low." Networking 101 "You have to go into a networking situation with the idea in mind that there will be one person in the crowd who can make a difference to you, and you have to find that person. You may be talking to someone who makes shoelaces and has nothing in common with your business, but she may know someone in your field or know about an interesting business practice that could translate to your own. But the bottom line is that if it's not the right conversation, you politely cut it short and move on." Strength in Numbers "There is so much value in the process of incubating an idea with other women. I am always looking for women who are coming together creatively and collaboratively because things flow from it that you would never dream. When women support other women, we empower each other to take charge of our lives, whether by owning our own businesses or making a career change or making decisions about our families." Best Advice "I read in Working Mother magazine that women CEOs need to take the ability that they have in their work life to delegate responsibility and create a management team and apply that to their home life as well. So I really try to think of running my household the same way I run my business; whether it's cleaning ladies or repairmen, I find people I trust and have them take care of tasks that I don't need to spend time on. This has relieved a lot of guilt and allowed me to focus on the things that are really important." Most Rewarding Moments "Winning the Working Mother award as one of the 25 Best Small Companies felt pretty great because it showed that having a unique workplace does pay off. But even better is realizing that your message is getting across to your people. I love seeing quotes at my team's desks about goals and achieving your dreams, all of the exact things I say to empower them. It's cool to realize that there isn't a lot of cynicism, and that people are really buying into these ideas and making them their own." Parting Thoughts ... "My secret weapon is the news articles that I send to my team." "I will retire when I have no more dreams to accomplish." "I will always think of myself as a teacher." "My greatest strength is my enthusiasm." This featured lady was profiled by Noelle Pechar Hale, a freelance writer living in Los Angeles.


Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.

Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.

Tweet

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

Living on The Edge of Chaos...

Email Marketing Made Easy #11 - Avoiding Spam

Winning Market Share in a Tough Economy

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.