Feedback Form
Home Features Mastermind Forums About Advertise Blog Network Contact Be An Author

When 'Bored' Is the Name of Your Game

When 'Bored' Is the Name of Your Game

The French have the perfect word for it: ennui. It means 'boredom' but it also means so much more. The dictionary defines the word as meaning, "Listlessness and dissatisfaction resulting from lack of interest." I could add 'restless', 'irritable', and 'discontent.' The French term is also the source for our English word, 'annoyed.' Today, I'm going to offer you a little gem of understanding that I hope you'll take to heart: everybody experiences ennui from time to time; when ennui becomes a way of life, we call it 'midlife.'

I'm not a licensed psychologist: I can't diagnose and I can't prescribe; but I can observe — and I do. People experience ennui (they get bored) when life hands them disappointments. Right now, I'm not talking about the big disappointments: death of a loved one, failure of a business, catastrophic accident or illness. In healthy people, these types of things tend to trigger not only the grief response, but also a kind of rebelliousness where the individual musters his or her courage and refuses to succumb to misfortune, even on a tragic scale. No, ennui comes from a much more subtle kind of disappointment: one that sneaks in under the radar, masked by a kind of 'invisibility cloak' (like Harry Potter had) under the guise of success.

What recourse do you have when you get what you want, and you discover that it's not what you really wanted, after all? Have you ever heard of the Abilene paradox? It was observed by management expert Jerry B. Harvey in his article The Abilene Paradox and other Meditations on Management. Here's how he describes it in this book:

On a hot afternoon visiting in Coleman, Texas, the family is comfortably playing dominoes on a porch, until the father-in-law suggests that they take a trip to Abilene [53 miles north] for dinner. The wife says, "Sounds like a great idea." The husband, despite having reservations because the drive is long and hot, thinks that his preferences must be out-of-step with the group and says, "Sounds good to me. I just hope your mother wants to go." The mother-in-law then says, "Of course I want to go. I haven't been to Abilene in a long time."

The drive is hot, dusty, and long. When they arrive at the cafeteria, the food is as bad. They arrive back home four hours later, exhausted.

One of them dishonestly says, "It was a great trip, wasn't it." The mother-in-law says that, actually, she would rather have stayed home, but went along since the other three were so enthusiastic. The husband says, "I wasn't delighted to be doing what we were doing. I only went to satisfy the rest of you." The wife says, "I just went along to keep you happy. I would have had to be crazy to want to go out in the heat like that." The father-in-law then says that he only suggested it because he thought the others might be bored.

The group sits back, perplexed that they together decided to take a trip which none of them wanted. They each would have preferred to sit comfortably, but did not admit to it when they still had time to enjoy the afternoon.

Life as an adult (before the midlife transition), is chock full of the 'Abilene paradox'. It's in your midlife transition that your sense of ennui tips you off that you may be in Abilene. How does it feel to realize that you've put all your time and energy into building a life for yourself that you now realize you never really wanted at all? Is it any wonder that this realization (if you even allow it to become conscious) can cause you to go into a crisis? Neither denial, nor self-delusion, nor blame adequately address your discomfort, because, despite what you may claim outwardly, on the inside you know that you not only chose to pursue the road to Abilene, you worked really hard to get there. Now that you know how you got to where you are, isn't it time to revisit your core assumptions? Isn't it time to make another choice?





When Bored Is the Name of Your Game - To learn more about this author, visit Les Brown's Website.

Like this article? Share it with your friends

Article Feedback
 Article Feedback No article feedback found.
  Leave Your Feedback
article feedback

Article Feedback
Dave Kurlan
Dave Kurlan is the founder and CEO of Objective Management Group, Inc., the industry leader in sales assessments and sales force evaluations, and the CEO of David Kurlan & Associates, Inc., a consulting firm specializing in sales force development. Dave has been a top rated speaker at Inc. Magazine's Conference on Growing the Company, the Sales & Marketing Management Conference and the Gazelles Sales & Marketing Summit. He has been featured on radio and TV, including World Business Review with General Norman Schwarzkopf, in Inc. Magazine, Selling Power Magazine, Sales & Marketing Management Magazine and Incentive Magazine. He is the author of Mindless Selling and Baseline Selling – How to Become a Sales Superstar by Using What You Already Know about the Game of Baseball. He created and wrote STAR, a proprietary recruiting process for hiring great salespeople, and he writes Understanding the Sales Force, a popular business Blog and is a contributing author to The Death of 20th Century Selling and 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Volume 2. - Visit Dave Kurlan's Website


To learn more about the Evan Elite Author Program please contact us.

About The Author


Les Brown
(Visit Les's Website) H. Les Brown, MA, CFCC grew up in an entrepreneurial family and has been an entrepreneur for most of his life. He is the author of The Frazzled Entrepreneur's Guide to Having It All. Les is a certified Franklin Covey coach and a certified Marshall Goldsmith Leadership Effectiveness coach. He has Masters Degrees in philosophy and theology from the University of Ottawa. His experience includes ten years in the ministry and over fifteen years in corporate management. His expertise as an innovator and change strategist has enabled him to develop a program that allows his clients to effect deep and lasting change in their personal and professional lives. Les is currently focusing his energies on creating a program to address the difficulties successful men face as they approach midlife. You can find out more about the Midlife Mastery programs at www.Mi dlifeMaster.com.

Les Brown is a Platinum author on EvanCarmichael.com
About The Author

View Author Blog
The Frazzled Entrepreneurs Balance Beam - For the Frazzled Entrepreneur Seeking Balance.
The Frazzled Entrepreneurs Balance Beam
View Author Blog

View Author Video
View Author Video

Free Downloads


Les Brown's

Complete
List Of
Work-Life
Articles

Name
Email
If you enjoyed this article, get Les Brown's Complete List of Work-Life Articles For FREE!

More Les Brown
Understanding the Need for Radical Change
When Your Clock Strikes Midnight
Are You Part of the Problem
Is The Man in the Mirror a Fraud
When Bored Is the Name of Your Game
The Threat of Abundance
Loving the Man in the Mirror
Memories for Midlife and Always
How to Deal with Slowin Down
Leading with Your Strengths
Free Downloads


 
 
 


Evan Elite Authors
Jeff Foster  
John Power  
Cheryl Matthynssens  
Evan Elite Authors

Become An Author
Have you written articles that would be of value to entrepreneurs? Become an expert on our site by publishing them! Expose yourself to a wide audience, drive more traffic to your website and get more sales! Click Here for details.
Become An Author

Evan's Latest Video
Modeling the Masters: Learn the true secrets behind Walt Disney's business success factors & grow your company! Video produced by Phanta Media
Evan's Latest Video

Business Opportunities
"Learn straight from Evan how you can Make a Full Time Income (And More) from a Website"

How to Start An Online Business

Click Here To Learn More
Business Opportunities



Evan's Newsletter
Get advice & tips from famous business owners, new articles by entrepreneur experts, my latest website updates, & special sneak peaks at what's to come!
Name:
Email:
Evan`s Newsletter

Free Downloads
Solving Problems Icon Solving Problems
Great Sales Fallacies Icon Great Sales Fallacies
Leadership 2.0 Icon Leadership 2.0
Instant Press Release Icon Instant Press Release
Disappearing Leader Icon Disappearing Leader
Free Downloads - Complete List

Entrepreneur Tools and Guides
Top 50 Blogs For Startups To Watch In 2009
Top 50 Blogs For Startups
Top Blogs To Watch In 2009
 
Top 50 HR Blogs 2009
Top 50 HR Blogs 2009
Top 50 HR Blogs 2009
 
Entrepreneur Tools and Guides

SEO For Africa
SEO For Africa
Yawo Magnon Agoe, Togo,
Yawo Magnon
Agoe, Togo
SEO For Africa

If I Were A Startup...
Lisa Shepherd, $335k to $1.1 Mil in 2 years
Lisa Shepherd
$335k to $1.1 Mil in 2 years
Dana Zita, > $2.5 Mil in revenues
Dana Zita
> $2.5 Mil in revenues
If I Were A Startup... - Complete List

Famous Entrepreneurs
Satoshi Tajiri, Pokemon
Ty Warner, Beanie Babies
Ty Warner
Beanie Babies
Famous Entrepreneurs - Complete List

Entrepreneur Advice
Jack Canfield, Chicken Soup
Jack Canfield
Chicken Soup
Jay Conrad Levinson, Guerilla Marketing
Jay Conrad Levinson
Guerilla Marketing
Entrepreneur Advice - Complete List

Popular Articles
(Premium Authors)

     The Lack of Basic SEO Components in Many Small Business Web sites
By James Wells
     A Business Owners Look at Online vs Offline Marketing
By James Wells
     SEO Basics - Keyword Research and Analysis
By James Wells

Have A Suggestion?
Toronto Salsa Classes / Toronto Salsa Lessons Email us your ideas on how to make our website more valuable! Thank you Sharon from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for your suggestions to make the newsletter look like the website and profile younger entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez and Sean Combs!
Have A Suggestion?

More Evan Carmichael
More Information