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How to Be with Insecurity?

Guest post by: Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D., CPCC

Article Overview: As an inner confidence coach, I often hear clients voice their frustration about feelings of insecurity. The inner critic is angry that they’re even feeling insecure - that they can’t get rid of that old feeling following them in places where they don’t want it to go. I understand. I, too, know about insecurity. And what I’ve learned through my years of working with this issue - within myself and with many, many people in the education, counseling and now coaching fields - is that it is natural and human to feel insecure. Everyone does - at times and usually in certain areas.

How to Be with Insecurity?

Some people are just better at hiding their insecure feelings, even from themselves. It can be easier to deny or blame rather than look deeply inside, feel the pain of insecurity, and learn about dealing with it in healthy ways. There is no judgment in this. Not everyone's journey is to place a conscious focus on personal growth. Everyone's mind is busy - for some, their attention is on details, figuring out the how-to in completing a project, continual to-do lists or the media. For people who pay attention to their internal process, the inner chatter can often focus on self-judgment due to high expectations born from past conditioning and outdated beliefs.

The bottom line belief is "I am not good enough." The striving to be ‘better than', altogether or perfect or to acquire ‘more' or simply to ‘make the grade' can drive people's behaviour and feelings in overt and subtle ways.

What are ways to be with insecurity?

• Know that it's an energy that's visiting you for a time. It isn't who you truly are.
• Avoid using ‘my' in front of insecurity to support you in not taking it personally.
• Thank the insecurity for bringing to your attention another opportunity to embrace yourself with understanding, compassion and acceptance. That in itself is healing.
• The vulnerable, ‘inner' child that is within all of us needs to feel heard and loved. Allowing the insecure voice to be expressed is a loving act toward yourself.
• When the feeling comes, take the time to reflect on what story you are telling yourself. Is it true? What is a belief that needs to be challenged?
• Simply pause (stop feeding the chatter), relax into your breath and body, and then open to the experience that is happening in the present moment. The impartial witness who notices without judgment is a powerful ally.
• Honour the gifts that can come along with insecurity - humility, wisdom and compassion.
• The practice of meditation helps us know in our very cells that we are much more than our minds - we get in touch with our Divinity and, therefore, our perfection.
• Affirmations that may be helpful for you to tell yourself are: I am aware of my breath and rest in the present moment. I open my heart to all of my feelings and experiences. I accept and forgive any insecurity. I know the truth - I am Divinely human.

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Article Tags: ally, belief, bottom line, compassion, conscious focus, high expectations, honour, humility, inner child, insecure feelings, insecurity, judgment, li li, loving act, outdated beliefs, personal growth, present moment, subtle ways, wisdom, witness



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