Tweet

What’s Complaining Really About?

Written by: Jeannie Campanelli, Ed.D., CPCC

Article Overview: What I have noticed is that many of us confuse being responsible with feeling accountable. How do we do that? Let’s begin with clarifying the distinction between both qualities.

What’s Complaining Really About?

As a giving person, you may describe yourself as responsible. You follow through with your commitments. You take care of all in your life for which you feel responsible, be it children, clients, employees, a company, aging parents, a sibling or a friend in need. You are an honest, good citizen who follows the rules in your community, such as paying taxes, stopping at red lights, throwing garbage into containers instead of littering, and the list goes on. Yet, even so, responsible people aren’t always accountable.

When we’re accountable, we feel very much in charge of our lives, at least the aspects in which we do have control, such as our attitudes and actions. We stand in the belief that we alone make our own choices, without giving our power away to anyone else. We know that whatever happens in life, we have the ability to move forward by taking action, walking on or surrendering.

There is no victim when we’re accountable. Blame doesn’t live in this perspective. Yes, we can be responsible, too. And…we listen to ourselves. We stay connected to ourselves. We live in integrity – our words, actions, intuition, feelings, body-knowing and thoughts align so that we are on track with what is singularly right for us. It doesn’t mean that we don’t consider anyone else. We do. And then we decide our course of action based on our own unique values. We honour our right to create our own lives and happiness.

Accountability may seem like a simple concept; however, there are many challenges to deeply embrace this feeling in a consistent way. The reality is that those close to us may not always like our choices so courage can be called forth in us. It also takes a commitment of time and energy to slow down and listen to our own inner authority. The important piece to keep in mind is that there are many payoffs for our efforts.

Our vitality increases because we are operating from the place of self-value and self-worth. We feel happy and healthy because everything lines up deep inside of us, and we know that that feeling is truly priceless. Our sense of well-being and wholeness increases. We’re awake and alive.

When I first begin coaching a new client, I often hear complaints – about a mate or the kids or the boss or certain circumstances. Sometimes a client lives by a rule that says: “Oh, therefore, I can’t….” or “I’m not supposed to…” or “I better not….” to avoid the disapproval of someone who is important to them. They feel resentful because they listen to someone else’s wants, needs and values other than their own or give their power away to a life circumstance.

All of us have within us a victim/dark side that can get lazy and have us hide out. Blaming others or our circumstances for what’s happening to us can deplete our life force. Making a choice to contribute or compromise because we know it feels right to us is different than thinking that we ‘have to…or else”.

Changing our way of operating is a process that requires commitment and support. Family and long-held friends likely operate by the same code as the one that you want to leave behind you. What I’ve seen is that those clients who come my way have already made the commitment to claim their life – they’re just not sure how to fully do it as there is much complexity and depth to embracing this perspective at a heart level. They want a witness, someone to support and guide them, someone who will hold the focus for what’s next for them.

To fully make the shift you want to make, these are some of the questions you’ll need to ask yourself:

What would be different if you felt 100%, ‘in the bones’, accountable for your life? What support do you need to make this shift to deeply honour your life and let go of the resentment, anger and constraints that have you living according to an external authority or circumstance? What will keep you in those positive states of power, joy, peace and love?

Related Articles
  Internal Complaining
  What is your "Phrase that Pays?"
  Get Off The Nail!
  For Good SEO You Must Go Back To Basics
  Powerful Relationship Selling

Article Tags: accountability, aging parents, attitudes, belief that, commitments, containers, courage, feelings, friend in need, garbage, good citizen, happiness, honour, integrity, intuition, paying taxes, payoffs, self worth, sibling, vitality



Related Forum Posts
Re: Hello from a San Diego-based marketer - Welcome Aaron! Whats the next stage for your business? Ben
Re: New, young entrepreneur - Congrats H20ismyLife! Do you have a website so we can see any of your work? Whats the next step for you?


Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.

Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.

Tweet

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

Good News Travels Fast

Setting Goals for your Home Based Business

Why SEO is important for your online success

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.