Feeling Ignored

Dear Jane, I get lost in a crowd, like I’m invisible. I pretend not to care and I know I make things worse by dressing in drab clothes. But I feel like I don’t matter to anyone. What can I do short of screaming, “Here I am! Pay attention to me!”

Being ignored—not feeling special or valued—is one of the most hurtful experiences to endure. Unless we’re so Britney Spears-like famous that we lose all privacy, I think all of us have felt invisible and ignored.

Given that the way you dress reinforces your pain, it’s likely that you have an old belief that you are unimportant. As I point out in my book, Enough Is Enough, our most consistently painful thoughts come from childhood. So here are some ways to change this thought so your suffering abates now.

Step 1: Recall a specific incident where, as a child, you had the thought that you were unimportant. Maybe some kids excluded you at lunch or when picking sides for team sports. Maybe a teacher didn’t notice your skills. Perhaps you grew up in a crowded home with a lot of siblings demanding the limited attention of your parent(s). Maybe you had a sibling who was the smart one or the pretty one or the athletic one—the one who got noticed.

Step 2: Give your inner child reassurance that being ignored had nothing to do with him and that he matters even now to you.

Step 3: There’s a saying: It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. Start treating yourself the way you wish you had been treated. That means paying attention to your wants and needs, your likes and dislikes, and doing what makes you happy. Make your first question in the morning be, “What would make me happy today?” Maybe it’s buying new, brighter clothes that attract attention. Maybe it involves participating more in your community. Maybe it is asking for a promotion or joining a club. Whatever it is, commit to following through so that your inner child isn’t subjected to more of that invisibility. The gift of being truthful about your pain is that you can now do something for yourself to alleviate it. You deserve to feel special and to know that you matter.

This article was inspired by a poem dedicated to me by Hemdan in Egypt, who wrote The Greatest Pain in Life in Arabic and translated it into English.



The Greatest Pain in Life أعظم ألم في الحياة The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be ignored أعظم الم في الحياة ليس أن تموت, ولكن بأن يتجاهلك الآخرون To lose the person you love so much to another who doesn't care at all بأن تخسر صديقاً تحبه جداً لتكسب آخر لا يكترث لك أبدً The greatest pain in life, is not to die, but to be forgotten أعظم الم في الحياة ليس بأن تموت, لكن بأن تُنسى When you show someone your innermost thoughts and he laughs in your face حينما تطلع أحدهم على أعمق أفكارك ثم يضحك ساخراً في وجهك For friends to always be too busy to console you when you need someone to lift your spirits حينما يكون أصدقائك مشغولين جداً عن مواساتك عندما تحتاج لأحد كي يرفع من معنوياتك When it seems like the only person who cares about you, is you حينما يبدو لك أن الشخص الوحيد الذي يهتم لأمرك هو أنت Life is full of pain, but does it ever get better?

الحياة مليئة بالألم , لكن هل يتحسن الوضع أبداً؟ Will people ever care about each other, and make time for those who are in need?

هل سيبالي الناس بأمر بعضهم البعض و يخصصون وقتاً لأولئك الذين يحتاجون اهتمامهم؟ Each of us has a part to play in this great play we call life لكل واحد منا دور لابد أن يلعبه في هذه المسرحية التي نسميها الحياة Each of us has a duty to mankind to tell our friends we love them على كل واحد منا واجب للإنسانية وهو أن نخبر أصدقائنا بأننا نحبهم If you do not care about your friends you will not be punished إذا كنت لا تهتم لأمر أصدقائك, فلن يعاقبك احد You will simply be ignored... forgotten... as you have done to others لكن سيتجاهلونك و ينسونك بكل بساطة تماما كما فعلت بالآخرين

Feeling Ignored - To learn more about this author, visit Jane Straus's Website.

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