Jane Straus Articles

Your Life Purpose - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, How can I figure out what my life purpose is? First of all, you may have more than one life purpose. What may feel important at one stage in life may get bumped down by another priority during a different stage of life. For instance, when you were in your teens, your education, which college you would go to, what you were going to be when you “grew up,” may have been your priorities. When you’re in your twenties and thirties, your focus may be on job advancement, achievement, status, marriage, and family. In your forties and fifties, it may change yet again to self-fulfillment and health. As your priorities change, so may your life purpose.

What Resentment Teaches You - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, I’m so resentful I feel like I’m going to burst (or at least raise my blood pressure to dangerous levels). I don’t know what to do to let it go. Is there a process? As much as I resent feeling resentment, I am learning to accept it as one of my greatest teachers. Every time I feel it (often dozens of times daily), I have a chance to examine it for what it really is: a disguised regret. Here’s one brief example:

When Fear Holds You Back - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, I’m re-taking a short seminar and then starting my own business. But something is holding me back. I know it's fear, but so what! Good for you for recognizing that it’s fear and for not making excuses, which means you are ready to say “boo” back to fear. Here are a few suggestions you’ll find in my book, Enough is Enough!, in the chapter “Break the Spell of Fear: Make Fear Your Ally”:

When Opportunity Knocks… - Click To Read Article
…or as we say in California, when the Universe says “Yes!” Have you ever gotten exactly what you wished for and then, moments later, felt your stomach tighten, your heart race, your mind screaming the admonishment, “What have I done?!” Why is it sometimes more comfortable wanting something than actually manifesting it?

What Would You Do If You Had No Fear? - Click To Read Article
“What would you do if you had no fear?” This is the intriguing question that my friend, author Diane Conway, posed to people. Their answers inspired her to write a book of the same name. Her question inspires me to stop often during the day to ask this of myself. Even when I don’t realize that I’m fearful, I find the question useful because fear has many symptoms and disguises.

What Is A Life Coach - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, What is a life coach and how do I know if I need one? What I do as a life coach is help my clients recognize and let go of the sabotaging thoughts and behaviors that have undermined their success, joy, and intimacy. We all have sabotaging thoughts and behaviors; sometimes it takes someone else to help us see them and to believe in us more than we believe in ourselves. So I’m also an energetic cheerleader and true believer. I will often see the possibilities for a client’s future before he or she can. My job is to inspire each person I work with to create an extraordinary vision and to become adept with the tools to create that vision.

What Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle Means for You - Click To Read Article
Essentially, Heisenberg determined that the mere observation of a particle causes it to then move in an unpredictable manner. I started relating this to us. After all, aren’t we a bundle of particles? Do we, by simply observing ourselves and each other, alter our paths in surprising ways? If observing my thoughts changes my subsequent actions, then I might want to be more thoughtful about what I think. So I came up with a list of Ten Thoughts to Invite Surprising Changes to my own bundle of particles.

Two Secrets to Creating Abundance NOW! - Click To Read Article
The first secret to creating abundance is learning what abundance isn’t. Abundance is not happiness. Abundance is not determined by our bank account, the square footage of our home, or the make of our car. If it were, then we would see wealthier people behave as though they are happier and the middle class demonstrating signs of misery. Yet hundreds of experiments show unequivocally that, once basic needs for comfort have been met at a modest, middle class level, the correlation between wealth and happiness disappears. Poof! Chasing after money in the hope that it will buy us more happiness, intimacy, or fulfillment is a waste of energy based on an invalid hypothesis.

The Value of Your Word - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, Recently, I broke a promise to a colleague and didn’t complete my part of a project on time. Now she says she can’t trust me anymore. I think she’s overreacting, especially because I told her the reasons I was late. What else can I do? My 79-year-old mother received a letter from the Austrian Government a few weeks ago. You see, my mother, along with her family and many other Jews in Vienna, was forced to flee when the Nazis invaded in 1938. She was just 10 but she remembers clearly the name of the Nazi Commissar, Anton Kaiser, who stormed her family’s home and forced her father to sign over the deed to their apartment, her father’s life insurance policy, his business, and all his possessions.

The True Measure of Abundance: An Extraordinary Life - Click To Read Article
One of my clients used the expression, “earning a living,” and it struck me that this phrasing is so painfully close to saying “earning a life.” If we equate earning money with earning the right to live, we are likely to find ourselves in what I call Endurance (yes, with a capital E).

The Key to Keeping Your New Year's Resolutions - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, I want to make some New Year’s resolutions but I don’t want to set myself up for failure, which I’ve done in the past. How can I make sure that I succeed this time? Most of us use New Year’s resolutions as a way to try to boost our self-esteem. We think that if we lose weight, exercise, or pay off our credit card debt, we’ll feel better about ourselves. This seems logical but it’s actually backwards thinking. Why?

The Law of Attraction vs. Nonattachment - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, I’m excited about a potential new job but I’m holding myself in check, trying to practice the Buddhist concept of nonattachment. But The Secret teaches that if I don’t let myself get excited about the job, I won’t attract it to me. These philosophies are confusing to me. Which one should I pick?

The Art of Tweaking Tips for Thriving in Todays World - Click To Read Article
You’re up at 5:00a.m. to fit in exercise before the phone begins ringing off the hook at the office. You are too busy scheduling and attending meetings to get through the stack of bills on your desk, which include a mortgage, a car payment (or two), orthodontics, college tuition, an equity loan, and several pleas from worthy nonprofits. It is your spouse’s birthday next week and you’ve just found out you have to be out of town on business (again). Yesterday’s emails, all marked “urgent,” still sit unopened in your inbox. You will skip lunch today to catch up. Oops! You forgot. You have a lunch meeting. Welcome to the new normal!

The Attitude of Gratitude - Click To Read Article
The other day a client sat nervously in my office, dismissing her "silly" feelings preemptively with a wave of her hand. “Please explain,” I encouraged. She pulled a tissue out of the box and dabbed her eyes, looking at the carpet as she spoke. “I’ve had a lot of health problems recently. I don’t want to be a complainer but it’s been a push just to get up in the morning and go to work. Yesterday, my boss just left a stack of work on my desk and walked away without a word.” With that, her voice broke.

Spotting a UOF - Click To Read Article
You know how your mind works: You apply for a job and you pump yourself up for the interview, telling yourself that you are the right person—perhaps the most qualified candidate—and that they’d be fools to pass you up. You remind yourself of how well you have performed in your current position and how undervalued you have been, which is why you deserve that new position. But then you no sooner submit your résumé and that little voice starts whispering in your ear, “What if I don’t get the job? What if it means I have to travel more? What if I don’t like my new boss? What if I don’t like my new colleagues? What if they don’t like me? What if I have to work longer hours?” And the worst what if of all is the one with the F word, “What if I fail?” (This mindset works similarly with dating.)

Struggling to "Be Here Now"? - Click To Read Article
Many of you know of the book, Be Here Now, the 1971 precursor to Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now. From the titles of these books, you get the idea that there is something to be gained from focusing on the present rather than being run by our painful past or anxiously awaiting the unknowable future. Easier said than done, perhaps.

ReKindling Your Passion for Your Work and Your Life - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, I wake up every morning wondering how I got to where I am today: bored, dreading my responsibilities, and numb. How did this happen and what do I do about it? Most of us have woken up occasionally to a feeling of dread or anxiety, wishing we were facing a different day ahead of us. But if this is how you feel most mornings, wishing you had a different life, you are suffering from burnout. Burnout is the result of enduring for too long and is debilitating to your spirit. The good news is that it’s curable.

Questions About Personality Profiling - Click To Read Article
Do you have a trait, an addiction, or a disorder that causes you suffering? If you were offered an instant, painless way to stop the OCD, ADD, depression, panic attacks, addiction, angry outbursts, impatience, or shyness, would you want it? What if this treatment could wipe out a particularly traumatic memory for you?

Overcoming Your Fear of Rejection - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, I have suffered with a paralyzing fear of rejection for most of my life. This leaves me unable to be as assertive in my private and professional life as I would like to be, and sometimes it is crippling. Intellectually I know I shouldn’t be so worried about what other people think, but the feelings are still there. How do I overcome this irrational feeling? When you have a fear that is irrational, you can’t sit by the sidelines figuring it out. You need to take small steps towards your fear. What kinds of situations make you worry about rejection? List these. Then put them in order from least fearful to most fearful. Start with your least paralyzing situation and think of one action step you are willing to take that addresses the fear rather than letting it run you.

Life is Like Coffee - Click To Read Article
After writing last week about my friend Gio’s death, I felt that the following e-mail (paraphrased here), which has traveled the world, would be an appropriate follow up that we could all appreciate. A group of friends got together to have coffee. The host set out the cups and brewed the coffee. Some of the cups were beautiful; some were plain. The host noticed that the nicer cups were chosen first...

Lessons from The Breakfast Club - Click To Read Article
Have you ever tried to look better on the outside than you were feeling on the inside? Do you ever abandon your truth to please others? If you weren’t afraid of losing someone’s approval, acceptance, or love, if you didn’t feel that you had to choose between abandoning yourself or being abandoned by someone else, wouldn’t you be authentic all the time with everyone? Wouldn’t you stand up for yourself more? Whenever I am challenged to please others at the expense of being real, I think about Anais Nin’s eloquent quote, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Lessons from The Wizard of Oz - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, I just bought a nice new car, which I’d been saving up for. I felt excited when I got into it, smelled that new-car smell, and heard the engine purr. That was a week ago. Now, even though I’m still proud of myself for attaining this goal, I don’t feel jazzed about the car itself anymore. Why is the thrill gone so quickly? How come I don’t stay happy for very long? Given the amount of debt we Americans are currently up to our ears in, you’d think that money must buy happiness. But just a few years ago, a landmark Harvard study demonstrated that, although many people believe that a nice piece of jewelry, a larger home, a new car, or more money will make them happy, this satisfaction doesn’t last long. The researchers found that what makes us happiest for the greatest duration is something money can’t buy:

Finding SelfWorth - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, I know I'm self-critical. But how do I stop? My self-esteem is at about a zero and the lower it's gone, the worse it seems others treat me. In my self-help book, Enough Is Enough!, I talk about what it’s like to hang out in Courtroom Earth vs. the Classroom Earth. In Courtroom Earth, we act as our own judge, jury, and executioner. Most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re doing this to ourselves. What about you? Do you beat yourself up for everything? Do you compare yourself to other people? Do you find yourself being driven, addicted to more and more evidence to prove that you are worthy? Then do you end up tired, resentful, frustrated, short tempered, with an even greater urge to control and do?

Feeling Ignored - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, I get lost in a crowd, like I’m invisible. I pretend not to care and I know I make things worse by dressing in drab clothes. But I feel like I don’t matter to anyone. What can I do short of screaming, “Here I am! Pay attention to me!” Being ignored—not feeling special or valued—is one of the most hurtful experiences to endure. Unless we’re so Britney Spears-like famous that we lose all privacy, I think all of us have felt invisible and ignored. Given that the way you dress reinforces your pain, it’s likely that you have an old belief that you are unimportant.

Fake It Till You Make It? - Click To Read Article
A friend sent me an e-mail after reading my blog last week about AHAs. In the blog, I shared seven realizations, including: Whatever I judge myself for, others will pick up on it, whether I try to hide it or not. So I may as well stop wasting my energy pretending anything. She expressed confusion because she is also familiar AA’s philosophy of “Fake it till you make it.” She wondered how I reconcile “faking it” with being genuine.

Entering 2008 Thriving not Just Enduring - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, What do you mean by “endurance” and what’s wrong with it? I always thought enduring was a good thing. As we approach a new year, determined to make and keep our New Year’s resolutions (this time), I want to encourage you to resolve to thrive, not just endure. When I’m interviewed on radio or TV, I am always asked what the distinction is. I use an analogy taught to me by one of my mentors, Brandon St. John, some 25 years ago. When I saw it used in Al Gore’s, “An Inconvenient Truth,” I was both surprised and pleased.

Down with Stress/Up with Thriving - Click To Read Article
First of all, stress is a catchall phrase and not so useful when we’re looking to thrive and create a more extraordinary life. Instead, I recommend asking yourself whether you are Enduring or Persevering. Both may feel stressful. But Enduring leads to the blahs and worse while Persevering leads to thriving. Here are just some of the symptoms of Endurance: anxiety, addiction, boredom, cynicism, depression, hopelessness, helplessness, illness, “Is that all there is?” lack of energy, procrastination, resentment, ruts, and “Why me, Lord?” If you are suffering from any of these symptoms, then I encourage you to consider that you are in some Endurance.

Dealing With Difficult People - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, I’m naturally high strung and picky. This can cause problems for me with people who are more easygoing. How do I not get caught up with judging them or even myself? Sometimes I want to avoid people with personalities that are so different from mine. But then I tell myself that this isn’t very open-minded of me. Your personality includes your innate, unique characteristics as well as your coping strategies developed in childhood. The more you understand about your personality style—what makes you tick—the less judgmental you will be and the more you can use this information to enhance your own and others’ lives.

Courtroom Earth vs. Classroom Earth - Click To Read Article
When I am coaching my professional clients, in some fashion, I am likely to be asking them, “What risks are you avoiding taking that might very well make you happier?” Together, we examine whatever fears, self-judgments, or limiting beliefs are holding them back, keeping them in Courtroom Earth instead of letting them enjoy hanging out in Classroom Earth.

Decisions, Decisions! - Click To Read Article
Should I take this job or that one? This one offers security but is boring and has little room for advancement; that one offers a chance to grow but carries economic risks. Decisions, decisions! We face choices—big and small—constantly. Even the decision between two good things, such as a vacation in the sun or one on the ski slopes, can cause us anxiety. How do we decide how to decide?

Are You Fulfilled - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, How can I figure out whether I am doing what makes me happy? What are some of the symptoms of unhappiness, or must I wait for a life-threatening situation? I wrote my popular self-help book, Enough Is Enough!, to help others avoid having to go through a life-threatening situation in order to wake up to your spirit’s calling. If you are having to ask yourself if you are happy, then you probably aren’t. Perhaps you haven’t yet had the satisfaction that goes with fulfilling your spirit’s purpose, so you don’t know what benchmark to compare your feelings with. The symptoms of endurance or a less-than-thriving life are discussed in depth in my book. I will give you a short list here that you should find helpful:

Are You Persevering or Enduring - Click To Read Article
Why try to make a distinction between perseverance and endurance? In both perseverance and endurance, we may struggle at times, feel fear of failure or rejection, or worry that we are not worthy of what we long for. So the distinction between perseverance and endurance can easily get blurred. But perseverance and endurance take us down different roads so they are worth distinguishing. Endurance will lead us to a dead end whereas perseverance, although it may take us down a long and meandering path, offers up surprises, serendipity, and synchronicity.

A FiveStep Plan to Overcome Procrastination - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, Why can't I ever finish anything? Why do I procrastinate so much? Most of us think we are simply lazy when we procrastinate. But the truth is that the cause of most procrastination isn’t laziness; it’s fear. We may be afraid that the task at hand is overwhelming or we may be afraid of failing at it. These are the two biggest fears that tend to keep us in approach/avoidance mode. Here are five key ways to get past your resistance and get “it” done, whatever the “it” is:

Ahas! - Click To Read Article
I love those rare and often serendipitous moments when I see something in a new way for the first time. I wish that I could plan them but I guess, by definition, an AHA! has to come to us. Perhaps the most we can do to facilitate them is to remain open and not ignore them when they are jumping up and down waving their arms in front of us to pay attention.

5 Keys to Abundance - Click To Read Article
Dear Jane, I am sick of running out of money before the end of the month. Other people seem to know something I don’t about creating abundance. What’s the secret? I heard a shocking statistic on Oprah once: Over 70% of people who experience a financial windfall from such strokes of luck as winning the lottery or inheriting a large sum of money tend to be back to where they were financially within just a few short years. Most of us think this would never happen to us. Our thoughts probably run along the lines of, “If I won a million, two million, ten million dollars [take your pick], it would change my life forever. All my worries would be gone. I’d be happy.” How can it be that what seems like an inevitable happy ending just doesn’t turn out to be true for such a large majority of people?

4 Ways to Ensure Your Business Thrives - Click To Read Article
What’s the biggest problem facing your organization? Inadequate funding? Burnout of employees, volunteers, board members? Lack of vision? Overwhelming workload? Many, many organizations face these issues. But if you think “Well, that’s just the nature of this kind of work,” think again. These problems are often symptoms indicating that an organization has slipped into what I call a culture of endurance. Please note that endurance is not the same as perseverance. When organizations persevere, everyone may work long hours and get by on a shoestring, but employees, volunteers, board members, and general membership all feel energized, enthusiastic, and united by a common goal/mission. When companies or nonprofits are in endurance, however, they exhibit some typical symptoms:


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