EMPATHY – CAN YOU WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES?

Let’s face it -- not everyone does well being part of a team.

Some people are best working as “solopreneurs” or in directing others. What it takes to lead and work in a truly collaborative team culture is the ability to self-reflect and the drive to understand the feelings and ideas of another person --- even when you disagree.

As leaders grow in thier effectiveness, many face self imposed barriers in order to nurture the core value, empathy, within themselves. Many have been highly competitive, yet skilled enough to win leadership positions within dog-eat-dog organizations.

“I think the most difficult self-imposed barrier I face in listening to people I don’t agree with in the attempt to understand their feelings and perceptions is my pride,” explained one CFO during a coaching session. He added that when he was younger he was driven to succeed and was highly competitive. And, socially he was encouraged to be competitive so he could be a good provider for his family. He took considerable pride in winning, and he didn’t like to lose.

The collaborative core value, empathy, is by nature not the byproduct of a highly competitive, win-at-all-costs culture. Yet, empathy is a quality necessary to build and lead highly successful small to medium-sized enterprises. And the shift from “I win – you lose” to collaborative “we win” thinking requires cognitive growth, respect, the ability to self-reflect on how your actions affect others, and personal discipline.

Driven and competitive leaders share that it is not easy integrating core values such as empathy into the business culture and leadership personality. But the net benefit reaps both personal and business rewards Empathy Empathy is the ability to understand the feelings and ideas of another person. It does not imply agreement.

Empathy is essential for resolving conflict in ways where everyone is satisfied with the outcome. It is important for collaborative resolutions.

Each employee has certain rights that are linked to empathy. These include the right of respect, emotional safety, physical safety and opportunity for fulfillment. Empathy, therefore, has a powerful influence on learning organizations, conflict resolution and team harmony.

What behaviors damage empathy?



• Narcissism

• Opportunism

• Rationalizing that the end justifies the means

• Aggressive, unsanctioned competition among employees and departments • Passive-aggressive conflict strategies among employees and departments • Blaming others when crossing individuals’ boundaries result in trouble • Not understanding the relationship between actions and consequences and, therefore, blaming others for consequences you have created • Following behavior rules to gain advantage or to avoid punishment rather than because it is the right thing to do • Rationalizing that actions are bad only if one is caught What behaviors build empathy?

• Care for self and others

• The desire to understand others

• Collaboration

• Facilitated dialogue • Excellent listening skills • Good personal boundaries • Personal accountability and self-reflection The collaborative core value empathy does not require a power position for it to be exercised within an organization. And, the ability to empathize builds strong and resilient relationships. The good news is that the development of empathy and the ability to imagine what it is like to walk in someone else’s shoes is a cognitive growth process -- leaders can develop processes to nurture empathy in the workplace.

Empathy is the fourth of six collaborative core values that build effective teams. The others are trust, interdependence, genuineness, risk and success. In our next posting we will explore the core value, risk.

EMPATHY – CAN YOU WALK A MILE IN THEIR SHOES? - To learn more about this author, visit Dianne Crampton's Website.

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