When we stop to think about those people in our lives we are ready to forgive, there is a good chance that we also may need to forgive ourselves for what we believe as our role in the situation. (Whether this thinking is realistic or not!). For example, you may be ready for forgive your partner for treating you badly or being cruel , but are you ready to forgive yourself for allowing someone to walk all over you or not standing in your power?
Most of us beat ourselves up for doing something which we later on regret. We often speak to ourselves cruelly or with little compassion. In fact, we are more likely to speak nicely about our friends than we are about ourselves!
When I look back over my life, there are many incidents that I can recall where I used to spend endless energy beating myself up about. For example:
1) Staying in a relationship which I knew was not healthy just for the ‘ habit’
2) Working long hours and not taking care of myself 3) Not taking enough exercise 4) Spending too much money and getting into debt 5) Not completing my action steps in order to fulfil my goals
Every time we beat ourselves up for something we should / should not have done, we should remind ourselves that we are were probably doing the best that we could at the time, with the knowledge we had! Remember, we are only human and making mistakes in life is part of the journey! Mistakes require correction, not punishment!
The next time you start beating yourself up for doing something wrong, ask yourself the following questions:
- At the time of the event, was it realistic for you to expect yourself to do something different / behave in a different way?
- Did you have the right people around you at the time that could have helped you?
- At the time of the event, did you have the information or knowledge you needed to make a better choice?
Forgiving yourself for your limitations is a crucial first step in healing your life. This is the beautiful gift that Louise Hay brings through her work -- every good thing starts with self-love and forgiveness -- everything. In an unprecedented time of turmoil and stress, most human beings are doing the best they can with the resources, wisdom, and knowledge they have available to them. Yes, it's important to learn from your mistakes, but eventually you need to get the lesson and move on.
ACTION STEP
1) Write a list of all the things that you ‘feel bad about ‘or wish to forgive yourself about. When you have completed your list, ask yourself the questions above.
2) Find a photo of yourself as a young child and take time to look at the picture. Look deeply into the eyes of this picture and remind yourself of your innocence. Connect with the vulnerability of being a child and when you are ready, repeat the following:
"Dear (your name), I forgive you for (the event or circumstance). I know you were doing the best you could at the time and I release you from this event forever. I let my self-hatred go and I put the burden of my limitations in God's hands. I am finished with this memory forever and I am free. I now move on with my life."
Then, offer thanks and go to sleep. When the event crosses your mind again, simply state, "I forgive myself," and then try to dismiss the thought from your mind. If the thought does return, try this - Keep the photo of yourself as a child handy and, when any negative self-talk arises, look at the photo and gently remind yourself that you'd never speak to this little girl/boy that way. After a while, you'll find that the memory returns less often and soon you'll forget about it altogether.
To truly forgive others, we must forgive ourselves first. "Now" is a good time to start . . .
(Prayer taken from the Cheryl Richardson Newsletter)
To learn more about this author, visit Lisa Phillips's Website.
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Maybe it should be, "the forces for mediocrity"...
