People pleasing
People pleasing
A few examples of this are as follows:
1) When Jane goes out on a date, her main concern is how much the man likes her and how much she can impress him. She doesn't ask herself how much she likes him or if he is a suitable partner for her. She doesn't just enjoy herself. Her main focus throughout the date is on pleasing him. She tries to figure out what his preferences are and they become hers without her even realizing this. If she says something that he seems to disagree with, she immediately changes her opinion. If they go to a movie or a restaurant, she finds that she has roughly the same opinion of it as he does. She doesn't entirely realize that she is trying to please him, it just happens.
2) In the work environment, in an over-the-top effort to please a demanding boss, a typical people pleaser may agree to take on too many tasks (far more tasks than their colleagues agree to take on), and then they may also stay extremely late in the evening to complete every last task, rather than ever saying "No" or "Enough."
When this people pleasing pattern is activated, we may often have a hard time No or setting limits or healthy boundaries. We say Yes..when we really want to say No. We also tend to avoid conflict. We want other people's approval, and even more importantly, we want to avoid other people's disapproval. If someone asks us for something, we have a hard time not giving it.
True People Pleasers are usually people who were wounded badly in childhood - shamed until their needs no longer seemed important to them
-- and learned at a very early age that to survive with the least amount of stress thrown at them, they should try with all their might to make everyone else around them happy. Unfortunately, People Pleasers often become prey for the predator types and may find themselves being walked all over, controlled or even abused. Their feelings of worthlessness, and the fear that they are nothing without someone else's love or approval, leave them with a need to continue to prove their worth to others. People Pleasers are the ones with a friendly smile on their face and the word prey stamped on their forehead. They are driven to chase love by doing, overdoing, and then doing some more! They may take the form of the love buyer, buying gifts and spending money that they don't have, in order to gain love. Their food is the approval of others, and although they may look like they are giving, they are actually taking in order to gain the love and approval they desire so deeply.
One of the main problems that arise for many approval-seeking people pleasers, who expend so much energy on suppressing their own feelings, is that they often end up becoming extremely resentful, because they feel such a relentless, emotionally draining urge to please everyone they meet.
Are you a "people pleaser," and if so, would you like to break the habit? If so, try some of the following exercises:
1. Acknowledge that people pleasing is a problem in your life.
2. Make a decision to start expressing your needs to everyone in
your life in a clear, concise, articulate manner. Feel the Fear and do it anyway!
3. Write yourself a list of a 'Bill of Rights' so you know what
your rights are in this world!
4. Practice articulating your needs with someone who is
non-threatening (a therapist, a friend or an understanding partner).
5. Understand that confrontation need not be a negative thing.
Read up on assertiveness or attend an assertiveness course.
6. If you currently gravitate toward friends, bosses, and/or
romantic partners who have overly dominant, controlling personalities, consider befriending people who do not possess these personality traits, because such people are bound to trigger your old people-pleasing tendencies. Recognize your own Red Flags!
7. Remind yourself that it is perfectly acceptable to disagree
with other people. In fact, you will command greater respect from just about everyone you know as soon as you start expressing your honest, heartfelt feelings and opinions, whether or not others agree with you.
Practice the above for 21 days and make this your action plan to stop being a people pleaser. You can rid yourself of the DISEASE TO PLEASE!!!
People pleasing - To learn more about this author, visit Lisa Phillips's Website.
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If you have a people pleaser pattern, you will often try to be behave how other people would like you to behave, try to be what others want you to be, agree with others and always try to fit in - to not ' rock the boat'. You may not be aware that you are doing this, but often the people pleaser mask is worn to avoid conflict or reactions that you are afraid of.
A few examples of this are as follows:
1) When Jane goes out on a date, her main concern is how much the man likes her and how much she can impress him. She doesn't ask herself how much she likes him or if he is a suitable partner for her. She doesn't just enjoy herself. Her main focus throughout the date is on pleasing him. She tries to figure out what his preferences are and they become hers without her even realizing this. If she says something that he seems to disagree with, she immediately changes her opinion. If they go to a movie or a restaurant, she finds that she has roughly the same opinion of it as he does. She doesn't entirely realize that she is trying to please him, it just happens.
2) In the work environment, in an over-the-top effort to please a demanding boss, a typical people pleaser may agree to take on too many tasks (far more tasks than their colleagues agree to take on), and then they may also stay extremely late in the evening to complete every last task, rather than ever saying "No" or "Enough."
When this people pleasing pattern is activated, we may often have a hard time No or setting limits or healthy boundaries. We say Yes..when we really want to say No. We also tend to avoid conflict. We want other people's approval, and even more importantly, we want to avoid other people's disapproval. If someone asks us for something, we have a hard time not giving it.
True People Pleasers are usually people who were wounded badly in childhood - shamed until their needs no longer seemed important to them
-- and learned at a very early age that to survive with the least amount of stress thrown at them, they should try with all their might to make everyone else around them happy. Unfortunately, People Pleasers often become prey for the predator types and may find themselves being walked all over, controlled or even abused. Their feelings of worthlessness, and the fear that they are nothing without someone else's love or approval, leave them with a need to continue to prove their worth to others. People Pleasers are the ones with a friendly smile on their face and the word prey stamped on their forehead. They are driven to chase love by doing, overdoing, and then doing some more! They may take the form of the love buyer, buying gifts and spending money that they don't have, in order to gain love. Their food is the approval of others, and although they may look like they are giving, they are actually taking in order to gain the love and approval they desire so deeply.
One of the main problems that arise for many approval-seeking people pleasers, who expend so much energy on suppressing their own feelings, is that they often end up becoming extremely resentful, because they feel such a relentless, emotionally draining urge to please everyone they meet.
Are you a "people pleaser," and if so, would you like to break the habit? If so, try some of the following exercises:
1. Acknowledge that people pleasing is a problem in your life.
2. Make a decision to start expressing your needs to everyone in
your life in a clear, concise, articulate manner. Feel the Fear and do it anyway!
3. Write yourself a list of a 'Bill of Rights' so you know what
your rights are in this world!
4. Practice articulating your needs with someone who is
non-threatening (a therapist, a friend or an understanding partner).
5. Understand that confrontation need not be a negative thing.
Read up on assertiveness or attend an assertiveness course.
6. If you currently gravitate toward friends, bosses, and/or
romantic partners who have overly dominant, controlling personalities, consider befriending people who do not possess these personality traits, because such people are bound to trigger your old people-pleasing tendencies. Recognize your own Red Flags!
7. Remind yourself that it is perfectly acceptable to disagree
with other people. In fact, you will command greater respect from just about everyone you know as soon as you start expressing your honest, heartfelt feelings and opinions, whether or not others agree with you.
Practice the above for 21 days and make this your action plan to stop being a people pleaser. You can rid yourself of the DISEASE TO PLEASE!!!
People pleasing - To learn more about this author, visit Lisa Phillips's Website.
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Anne BarrAnne Barr has over 26 years experience in sales and marketing, six years as a franchisee. She has assisted over 367 business owners and purchasers to achieve their goals in career change, transition and exit strategy. She holds the designation of Certified Franchise Executive from the International Franchise Association, Certified Business Intermediary from the International Business Brokers Association and Board Certified Broker from the Texas Association of Business Brokers. Anne is active in professional organizations, networking groups and volunteers for non-profit entities. As owner/operator of four successful businesses, Anne has proven people skills and enjoys helping clients find the right "fit" in business ownership. Visit www.FranchiseOpportunitySpecialist.com for more information about me and my company. - Visit Anne Barr's Website |
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Jeff FosterWebBizIdeas.com is a Minneapolis website design company founded to help people start an internet business by providing them with website, business, and internet resources that help foster the growth of successful online businesses and develop innovative Internet business ideas. We specialize in internet consulting & internet marketing. - Visit Jeff Foster's Website |
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John BrennanJohn Brennan Ed.D. Dr. Brennan is President of Interpersonal Development, LLC, a training and development firm. Interpersonal Development has provided sales training and coaching to more than 3,000 sales reps from over 100 companies. A native of Australia, Dr. Brennan received his doctorate from the University of Rochester. His dissertation researched the effectiveness of Behavioral Modeling Technology in training people in interpersonal skills. While he has spent most of his career designing or delivering training, he was also a Vice-President of Sales of a training and development franchise with operations in 25 markets. Dr. Brennan has designed and delivered sales training in North America, Asia, Europe, Australia and the Middle East. He has been a guest speaker at numerous national and regional professional conferences. When Microsoft wanted Best Practices articles on sales for their web site, they called Dr. Brennan. The results are at http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/FX011387391033.aspx His firm’s clients have included Volvo, The Prudential, Merrill Lynch, Eastman Kodak, Gannett, Equifax Europe, the Economist Group and countless small businesses. - Visit John Brennan's Website |
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Stephanie RobeyStephanie Robey is President and CoFounder of Pivot Positive, LLC - an Internet marketing business focused on helping people start work at home ventures. Previously, she was employed at The Search Agency with over 20 years experience in graphic design and 10 years experience in online marketing. She was responsible for launching the Conversion Path Optimization (CPO) unit where she and her team have conducted hundreds of optimization tests for online companies across multiple verticals. She is a successful entrepreneur having started and sold 2 companies and remains on the board of directors of the third, PhotoSpin.com Stephanie began her career in the direct marketing realm creating and producing direct mail for many of the major cable television companies and directly attributes her understanding of Internet marketing to those early offline experiences. Stephanie is a graduate of San Diego State University with a BFA in Graphic Arts and also holds an Executive MBA from the Graziadio School of Business and Management at Pepperdine University. Read Steph's Blog Meet Steph and Dave Sign up for our Free 7-Day BootCamp: Self Employed & Rich - Visit Stephanie Robey's Website |
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