How to successfully deal with difficult people and feel good
How to successfully deal with difficult people and feel good
No matter where we go, we will face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas, people who annoy us or people who simply do not like us. People trigger our emotions and our emotions activate our basic survival instinct: to react and attack or hide.
Patterns for hiding may include delaying or avoiding dealing with difficult people, making sympathetic noises when other people are affected - but doing little else, thinking it's you, not them.
The other option of course is to fight it out, and show them who is boss by becoming aggressive, ironic or sarcastic yourself, pointing out their faults and shortcomings, ignoring their wishes, making no attempt to understand their point of view, label them crazy.
The least aware we are of how our emotions are triggered, the more likely we are to be controlled by them.
During my years as Manager, Therapist and Coach I worked with thousands of people and can say that the truly difficult ones were far and few in between. Solutions could usually be found. I came to realize that my own attitude played a key role in how successful I was and also in how I felt during and after the process.
The first question I started to ask myself was:
What makes this person or situation difficult for you to deal with?
Top of my list were: taking things personally, wanting to have control, being judgmental, resenting or resisting the other person’s behavior, feeling superior to them, feeling unable to relate and of course fear.
And as I am a great believer in making life easy, I focused my attention on finding solutions. Life is much too valuable to spend our time feeling frustrated, miserable, angry or stressed.
I have a total of 10 tips of how to successfully deal with difficult people and still feel good about your self in the process.
Below I have listed the TOP 5. I will share the remaining 5 with you in my November newsletter.
Tip 1- Reframe
Instead of thinking difficult, think challenge. Treating difficult people or situations as a challenge is invigorating and will lead you to be more creative and focus your attention on solutions rather then on the problem.
Tip 2 - Leave your EGO behind
Many conflicts are battles of EGOs, wanting to be right, acknowledged, heard, considered or admired are human traits. However it is impossible to solve conflicts when both parties want to come out on top. Stop imposing your views on others. Listen and step back and you will move forward.
Tip 3 - Depersonalize
Behavior is not personal. People’s behavior has rarely anything to do with you. People act a certain way because this is how they are. Their behavior is simply a reflection on how they feel in general and not on how they feel about you. Stay objective and deal with the issue not with the person.
Tip 4 - Understand Fear
So called 'Difficult people' frequently behave the way they do out of some sort of fear. See if you can identify their fear and help them overcome it. At the same time check if your reactions are motivated by fear too. Look for signs of being defensive, negative or overcritical.
Tip 5 – Be Practical
If you cannot change the situation, live with it. Simply decide to not stress about what cannot be changed. Or let go of the person or situation by simply recognizing that this may be better for all involved.
In Part 2 I will share with you my additional five tips of dealing with difficult people. Included will also be a section on the benefits of developing your Emotional Intelligence to help you manage yourself and others more effectively.
For coaching on how to better deal with your own difficult people or for information on related workshops feel free to contact me directly.
With my best wishes to Your Success,
Christiane
How to successfully deal with difficult people and feel good - To learn more about this author, visit Christiane Pohl's Website.
Like this article? Share it with your friends
Difficult people do exist, even if just in our minds. Difficult people come in every variety and can be colleagues, partners, family members, clients or strangers. How difficult a person is for us to deal with mainly depends on our own self-esteem, our self-confidence, our self-awareness and our courage.
No matter where we go, we will face people who are negative, people who oppose our ideas, people who annoy us or people who simply do not like us. People trigger our emotions and our emotions activate our basic survival instinct: to react and attack or hide.
Patterns for hiding may include delaying or avoiding dealing with difficult people, making sympathetic noises when other people are affected - but doing little else, thinking it's you, not them.
The other option of course is to fight it out, and show them who is boss by becoming aggressive, ironic or sarcastic yourself, pointing out their faults and shortcomings, ignoring their wishes, making no attempt to understand their point of view, label them crazy.
The least aware we are of how our emotions are triggered, the more likely we are to be controlled by them.
During my years as Manager, Therapist and Coach I worked with thousands of people and can say that the truly difficult ones were far and few in between. Solutions could usually be found. I came to realize that my own attitude played a key role in how successful I was and also in how I felt during and after the process.
The first question I started to ask myself was:
What makes this person or situation difficult for you to deal with?
Top of my list were: taking things personally, wanting to have control, being judgmental, resenting or resisting the other person’s behavior, feeling superior to them, feeling unable to relate and of course fear.
And as I am a great believer in making life easy, I focused my attention on finding solutions. Life is much too valuable to spend our time feeling frustrated, miserable, angry or stressed.
I have a total of 10 tips of how to successfully deal with difficult people and still feel good about your self in the process.
Below I have listed the TOP 5. I will share the remaining 5 with you in my November newsletter.
Tip 1- Reframe
Instead of thinking difficult, think challenge. Treating difficult people or situations as a challenge is invigorating and will lead you to be more creative and focus your attention on solutions rather then on the problem.
Tip 2 - Leave your EGO behind
Many conflicts are battles of EGOs, wanting to be right, acknowledged, heard, considered or admired are human traits. However it is impossible to solve conflicts when both parties want to come out on top. Stop imposing your views on others. Listen and step back and you will move forward.
Tip 3 - Depersonalize
Behavior is not personal. People’s behavior has rarely anything to do with you. People act a certain way because this is how they are. Their behavior is simply a reflection on how they feel in general and not on how they feel about you. Stay objective and deal with the issue not with the person.
Tip 4 - Understand Fear
So called 'Difficult people' frequently behave the way they do out of some sort of fear. See if you can identify their fear and help them overcome it. At the same time check if your reactions are motivated by fear too. Look for signs of being defensive, negative or overcritical.
Tip 5 – Be Practical
If you cannot change the situation, live with it. Simply decide to not stress about what cannot be changed. Or let go of the person or situation by simply recognizing that this may be better for all involved.
In Part 2 I will share with you my additional five tips of dealing with difficult people. Included will also be a section on the benefits of developing your Emotional Intelligence to help you manage yourself and others more effectively.
For coaching on how to better deal with your own difficult people or for information on related workshops feel free to contact me directly.
With my best wishes to Your Success,
Christiane
How to successfully deal with difficult people and feel good - To learn more about this author, visit Christiane Pohl's Website.
Like this article? Share it with your friends
 | |
 |
No article feedback found. |
| |
Leave Your Feedback |
 | |
| |||
Joe DagerJoe Dager is President of Business901, a progressive coaching company providing no-nonsense direction in areas such as Lean Six Sigma Marketing and organized referral marketing. What others say: In the past 20 years, Joe and I have collaborated on many difficult issues. Joe’s ability to combine his expertise with “out of the box” thinking is unsurpassed. He has always delivered quickly, cost effectively and with ingenuity. A brilliant mind that is always a pleasure to work with.” - James R. If you want to learn more about Business901, start a conversation with us. We can be found @ Web/Blog: Business901.com Web/Blog: FundingYourNonprofit.com LinkedIn Profile Follow me on Twitter - Visit Joe Dager's Website |
|||
Anne BarrAnne Barr has over 26 years experience in sales and marketing, six years as a franchisee. She has assisted over 367 business owners and purchasers to achieve their goals in career change, transition and exit strategy. She holds the designation of Certified Franchise Executive from the International Franchise Association, Certified Business Intermediary from the International Business Brokers Association and Board Certified Broker from the Texas Association of Business Brokers. Anne is active in professional organizations, networking groups and volunteers for non-profit entities. As owner/operator of four successful businesses, Anne has proven people skills and enjoys helping clients find the right "fit" in business ownership. Visit www.FranchiseOpportunitySpecialist.com for more information about me and my company. - Visit Anne Barr's Website |
|||
Jeff FosterWebBizIdeas.com is a Minneapolis website design company founded to help people start an internet business by providing them with website, business, and internet resources that help foster the growth of successful online businesses and develop innovative Internet business ideas. We specialize in internet consulting & internet marketing. - Visit Jeff Foster's Website |
|||
John BrennanJohn Brennan Ed.D. Dr. Brennan is President of Interpersonal Development, LLC, a training and development firm. Interpersonal Development has provided sales training and coaching to more than 3,000 sales reps from over 100 companies. A native of Australia, Dr. Brennan received his doctorate from the University of Rochester. His dissertation researched the effectiveness of Behavioral Modeling Technology in training people in interpersonal skills. While he has spent most of his career designing or delivering training, he was also a Vice-President of Sales of a training and development franchise with operations in 25 markets. Dr. Brennan has designed and delivered sales training in North America, Asia, Europe, Australia and the Middle East. He has been a guest speaker at numerous national and regional professional conferences. When Microsoft wanted Best Practices articles on sales for their web site, they called Dr. Brennan. The results are at http://office.microsoft.com/en-us/FX011387391033.aspx His firm’s clients have included Volvo, The Prudential, Merrill Lynch, Eastman Kodak, Gannett, Equifax Europe, the Economist Group and countless small businesses. - Visit John Brennan's Website |
|||
Stephanie RobeyStephanie Robey is President and CoFounder of Pivot Positive, LLC - an Internet marketing business focused on helping people start work at home ventures. Previously, she was employed at The Search Agency with over 20 years experience in graphic design and 10 years experience in online marketing. She was responsible for launching the Conversion Path Optimization (CPO) unit where she and her team have conducted hundreds of optimization tests for online companies across multiple verticals. She is a successful entrepreneur having started and sold 2 companies and remains on the board of directors of the third, PhotoSpin.com Stephanie began her career in the direct marketing realm creating and producing direct mail for many of the major cable television companies and directly attributes her understanding of Internet marketing to those early offline experiences. Stephanie is a graduate of San Diego State University with a BFA in Graphic Arts and also holds an Executive MBA from the Graziadio School of Business and Management at Pepperdine University. Read Steph's Blog Meet Steph and Dave Sign up for our Free 7-Day BootCamp: Self Employed & Rich - Visit Stephanie Robey's Website |
|||
|
To learn more about the Evan Elite Author Program please contact us. | |||
 | |
|  |
Subscribe to Christiane's articles
 |
|
Making a Difference....together - Life and Leadership coaching specializing in Stress Management to help you lead the life of your choice filled with purpose and success. For more details on how I work take a look at my website www.christianepohl.com
|
|
 |
 | |
|
| |
 | |||||||
|
 | ||
 |
||
 |
||
 |
||
|
| ||
 |
| Have you written articles that would be of value to entrepreneurs? Become an expert on our site by publishing them! Expose yourself to a wide audience, drive more traffic to your website and get more sales! Click Here for details. |
|
|
 |
| Modeling the Masters: Learn the true secrets behind Walt Disney's business success factors & grow your company! Video produced by Phanta Media |
|
|
 |
"Learn straight from Evan how you can Make a Full Time Income (And More) from a Website"
Click Here To Learn More |
|
|
|
|
Get advice & tips from famous business owners, new articles by entrepreneur experts, my latest website updates, & special sneak peaks at what's to come!
|
|
|
 Client-Attracting Web Copy A Clean Desk Why Business Owners Quit Measure Customer Loyalty Making Networking Work |
|
 | ||
 |
Top 50 Franchising Blogs
Top 50 Franchising Blogs | |
 |
Top Social Business Blogs
Top Social Entrepreneur Blogs | |
| ||
 | ||||
| ||||
|
| ||||
| ||||
|
|
|
|
|
||||||||||||
|
Email us your ideas on how to make our website more valuable! Thank you Sharon from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for your suggestions to make the newsletter look like the website and profile younger entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez and Sean Combs!
|
|
|
| ||||||||||||
| ||||||||||||
|
|
||||||||||||