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How to successfully deal with difficult people....part 2

Written by: Christiane Pohl

Article Overview: ...by Knowing your Emotions, creating Space and using each encounter as an opportunity for growth

How to successfully deal with difficult people....part 2

We each collect our own variety of difficult people throughout life. You may have come across the saying that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime; I feel that difficult people come into our life for a reason; they come into our life to help us grow, develop and find new solutions.

It is up to us to take them up on that challenge and use the encounter as an opportunity for growth.

Take a look at your own selection of difficult people. How are you dealing with them? What have you learned about yourself in the process?

One of the first things that I learned about myself was that I was afraid of aggression; both my own and other peoples. The result was that I either did not express what I felt or avoided contact. My 'difficult people' all seemed to be the same type, because my issue was always the same; until I learned my lesson and found a new way of dealing with aggression.

* Firstly, I learned that all aggression is a symptom of fear; that all fear is rooted in caring (for oneself or someone else) and that fear at the same time is a symptom of sadness. When we cannot relate to the other person at the moment of conflict, we feel disconnected and sad for that very reason.

* Secondly, I learned that this process, this Feeling Chain as I call it functions in the same way in everyone, regardless of culture, upbringing or education.

Having those insights helped me to deal more effectively with difficult people. I no longer took their behavior personally and I was able to adopt a more objective view by relating to them even if I did not agree with their behavior.

Therefore Tip 6 (first 5 in part 1) of in my top 10 tips for successfully dealing with difficult people is:

Tip 6 - Know Your Emotions

Developing emotional awareness is one of the most powerful tools to act in accordance to your own values and deal with difficulties more successfully. Emotional awareness includes impulse control, motivation, zeal, empathy, social skills and self-knowledge. The more you understand the feeling chain process in yourself and others, the more able you are to build rewarding relationships in life.

Tip 7 - Give it Space

Create Space. Some of the best breaks include taking a few deep breaths, exercising, taking a walk or simply sitting still and reflecting - sometimes the longer the break the better. Stepping away from the situation can help you see the bigger picture and can also allow for a cooling off period for both parties.

Tip 8- Recognize Qualities

Focus on people's qualities rather than on their weaknesses. When people feel accepted they become much easier to deal with.

Tip 9 - Be Understanding and Caring

Often the simple act of understanding the person will be enough to change that person's behavior. People have a need to be understood. If you truly understand the other person and care about them, you may see a solution to the challenge. Just asking them what it is they want can often be the first step.

Tip 10 - Ask for Help

A person might be tough for you to communicate with but someone else might be able to deal with that person more easily by being more detached or having a different chemistry. Don't shy away from asking for help from the people around you or simply arrange for a few coaching sessions.


Daniel Goleman first developed a framework for Emotional Intelligence in the mid 90s. However, research on how the emotional brain dominates the rational brain has been on-going. Whereas IQ is relatively fixed, Emotional Intelligence, can be learned and developed and this is a key asset in dealing successfully with difficult people....and life.

Research indicates that at least 90% of the difference between outstanding and average leaders is related to Emotional Intelligence.

To arrange a keynote presentation or a workshop for your company or organization please contact me directly.

With my best wishes to Your Success,

Christiane Pohl

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Article Tags: Difficult people, self development



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