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My 3 (+7) Traits of great Relationships

Guest post by: Christiane Pohl

Article Overview: Relationships are life's greatest treasure. They are at the core of everything we are and do. Relationships can bring us much suffering and also much happiness. The choice is mainly ours. And to avoid suffering there are some special traits that we can develop and nourish.

My 3 (+7) Traits of great Relationships



In my observation the 3 most important traits are:

Be kind, be supportive and accept what you consider other people’s shortcomings!

Yes, it is that simple. And while those traits need to be cultivated by all parties in the relationship, but someone needs to make the start. Any long-lasting, happy marriage, friendship or business partnership is about knowing your partner, forgiving his/her shortcomings, being supportive, and being nice.

Learn how to identify issues that must be resolved and that can be fruitfully discussed, learn to live with the rest. While it sounds easy -- and while it can be easy -- this commitment to being nice is no small matter.

You have to do nice things often. But it's harder to be nice when the heat is on, when you're really angry, or when something has happened for the 10th time. Nevertheless, the balance must be heavily, heavily stacked in the positive, to have a happy relationship.

This is where the other 7 traits come in. Over the years I have identified 7 traits that are the building blocks of the 3 that I have mentioned above:

Honesty, Acceptance, Humor, Openness, Faith, Reflection, Mindful Action



Honesty – Express what you feel and think in a way that is not hurtful, but do express it. And if the discussion becomes too heated and you do not like everything the other person does, you can still respect their ways…and there is nothing wrong with some assertiveness.

Acceptance – Accept that everyone is different. Accept that people do not act the way you would. Accept that this is part of life and that it is something to be cherished, rather then to be rejected. Part of accepting people in this way also involves not judging them or wanting to control them.

Humor – one of my favorites. A bit of humor can go a long way to defuse a situation. Learn to laugh at yourself and to not take yourself too seriously. Don’t lose sight of the things that truly matter.

Openness – keep an open mind and above all keep an open heart, being there for others, listening, keeping quiet or stepping back can work wonders to solve conflict. Listen to different viewpoints. Aim to understand rather than to defend.

Faith – Faith is rooted deep in our hearts. It is not a belief, but rather a knowing. Faith can be rooted in the knowledge that everyone does the best they can at any given time. Faith can be a feeling of trust in the goodness of the people we relate to. Faith can be the knowledge that there is more to each of us then meets the eye.

Reflection – take time out and step back. Look at your relationships. Where do you need to make adjustments, where are you letting things slip, where are you not expressing how you really feel? Where are you not nice?

Mindful Action- We can’t begin to find happiness or success without being there for others. Having good people in our life is just the first part, but then we've got to take care of them. Often our intentions are good, but then we get awfully busy or needy. We get distracted. Relationships often get overlooked in our mad rush to tend to life's demands, and in our ongoing search to have more and more. Mindful action is also about treating others the way we would like to be treated.

We can all be happier, healthier and more successful when we take care of our relationship problems on a daily basis and nourish a supportive network. After all, relationships need loving care and preventive maintenance. You can't neglect them and expect them to be good. It takes two to tango but one to lead!



with my best wishes for your success,

Christiane Pohl

Life & Leadership Coach

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Article Tags: Kindness, Lead, Relationships, Support



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