It is All Your Fault
It is All Your Fault
No. Actually, it's you!
At almost every business networking event I attend, every conference I speak at, and every training program I deliver, there are always people who spend a lot of time whinging about their problems and blaming their market, their customers, their lack of opportunities, or even their horoscope for why their business is making them so stressed.
Here is the reality...
We are evolving into a population of complainers who want to stay 'under the radar' of responsibility, through avoiding conflict, negating ownership and persistent procrastination.
Psychologist, Marin Seligman, describes this mentality of feeling stuck or helpless as a sense of
'learned helplessness'. [1] This 'Victim' state of mind causes people to give up easily, under utilize their skills and knowledge, and strive for less ambitious goals.
The mentality of a victim is born from your whinging, complaining and negativity, and it relinquishes your power and initiative to be proactive in your business and accomplish your goals.
In business/work, having a victim mentality zaps your confidence & motivation. You doubt your
abilities to succeed and tolerate your current business output because you have stopped believing
in yourself. You no longer become open to new ideas, new marketing strategies, or new business directions because it all feels like 'too much hard work' and overwhelming.
...and the only people who want to be around you are other complaining victims.
The anti-venom to victimhood is taking ownership.
'Owners' look at a problem and then take on the onus to find a way to resolve it. They understand that blaming, complaining and whinging cloud their vision for solutions.
I was recently contracted by a company to coach two of their key staff who were stuck in the groove of self doubt and complaints that were crippling their ability to lead, communicate and be productive. The key turning point for each of them was when they took ownership for their imperfections and were prepared to work on them.
Feeling 'Stressed' is quickly converted into empowerment when you move from a victim to an ownership mentality.
4 Strategies for taking ownership:
a. Be Accountable
Have your business promises, goals and visions be made accountable by giving them time frames, performance benchmarks and measurable outcomes.
Have a system of accountability that extends beyond yourself, and your private records. Involve your team, and external people, to keep you honest and on track with your targets and goals.
b. Improve and Learn
Water will gather at the lowest level - and you are only as good as your greatest incompetence.
Don't waste the pain of failure, rejections or stupidity by moping around, feeling sorry for yourself and
beating yourself up for all the lost opportunities.
Assess the valuable lesson you learnt about yourself, or your industry, from your stuff ups.
There are no mistakes, just wrong steps that need to be corrected in order to keep you headed forward.
My martial Arts instructor would make us do hundreds of the same punches, over and over, every class. He said "The difference between a brown belt punch and a black belt punch may be as subtle as a tiny twist of the waist, but can mean the difference between your opponent standing or being left on the floor after you hit him. Survival can be the difference between improving your punch by 1%".
Give yourself permission to be human and make mistakes that you can learn from (just make sure you don't keep repeating those mistakes) and constantly improve yourself.
c. Get Tunnel vision
Focus your mind on what you want to achieve/resolve and plan as if it is possible to accomplish. Focus on the steps, strategies, people, action required to resolve the issue instead of focusing on who/what is to blame.
Self confidence improves your performance and ability. Make no room in your planning, thoughts and conversations for self doubt.
d. Communicate Forward
Talk in terms of what you want to achieve instead of what has already happened. Too much time is wasted digging up past regrets and issues without any structure as to how you will move forward from this point.
Don't talk about the disappointment of lost sales, missed opportunities, wasted time - it only keeps you feeling stuck and worthless. Focus your conversations on how you will move forward from this event.
REFERENCES:
[1] page 211, 'Psychology, an Introduction', J. Summers, R. Borkland, M. Walker, Australia, 1989, John Wiley & Sons.
It is All Your Fault - To learn more about this author, visit Michael Licenblat's Website.
Like this article? Share it with your friends
What makes your business stressful? The huge volume of work? Having copious different projects to monitor? The long hours? Always thinking about work? Is it the bills?
No. Actually, it's you!
At almost every business networking event I attend, every conference I speak at, and every training program I deliver, there are always people who spend a lot of time whinging about their problems and blaming their market, their customers, their lack of opportunities, or even their horoscope for why their business is making them so stressed.
Here is the reality...
We are evolving into a population of complainers who want to stay 'under the radar' of responsibility, through avoiding conflict, negating ownership and persistent procrastination.
Psychologist, Marin Seligman, describes this mentality of feeling stuck or helpless as a sense of
'learned helplessness'. [1] This 'Victim' state of mind causes people to give up easily, under utilize their skills and knowledge, and strive for less ambitious goals.
The mentality of a victim is born from your whinging, complaining and negativity, and it relinquishes your power and initiative to be proactive in your business and accomplish your goals.
In business/work, having a victim mentality zaps your confidence & motivation. You doubt your
abilities to succeed and tolerate your current business output because you have stopped believing
in yourself. You no longer become open to new ideas, new marketing strategies, or new business directions because it all feels like 'too much hard work' and overwhelming.
...and the only people who want to be around you are other complaining victims.
The anti-venom to victimhood is taking ownership.
'Owners' look at a problem and then take on the onus to find a way to resolve it. They understand that blaming, complaining and whinging cloud their vision for solutions.
I was recently contracted by a company to coach two of their key staff who were stuck in the groove of self doubt and complaints that were crippling their ability to lead, communicate and be productive. The key turning point for each of them was when they took ownership for their imperfections and were prepared to work on them.
Feeling 'Stressed' is quickly converted into empowerment when you move from a victim to an ownership mentality.
4 Strategies for taking ownership:
a. Be Accountable
Have your business promises, goals and visions be made accountable by giving them time frames, performance benchmarks and measurable outcomes.
Have a system of accountability that extends beyond yourself, and your private records. Involve your team, and external people, to keep you honest and on track with your targets and goals.
b. Improve and Learn
Water will gather at the lowest level - and you are only as good as your greatest incompetence.
Don't waste the pain of failure, rejections or stupidity by moping around, feeling sorry for yourself and
beating yourself up for all the lost opportunities.
Assess the valuable lesson you learnt about yourself, or your industry, from your stuff ups.
There are no mistakes, just wrong steps that need to be corrected in order to keep you headed forward.
My martial Arts instructor would make us do hundreds of the same punches, over and over, every class. He said "The difference between a brown belt punch and a black belt punch may be as subtle as a tiny twist of the waist, but can mean the difference between your opponent standing or being left on the floor after you hit him. Survival can be the difference between improving your punch by 1%".
Give yourself permission to be human and make mistakes that you can learn from (just make sure you don't keep repeating those mistakes) and constantly improve yourself.
c. Get Tunnel vision
Focus your mind on what you want to achieve/resolve and plan as if it is possible to accomplish. Focus on the steps, strategies, people, action required to resolve the issue instead of focusing on who/what is to blame.
Self confidence improves your performance and ability. Make no room in your planning, thoughts and conversations for self doubt.
d. Communicate Forward
Talk in terms of what you want to achieve instead of what has already happened. Too much time is wasted digging up past regrets and issues without any structure as to how you will move forward from this point.
Don't talk about the disappointment of lost sales, missed opportunities, wasted time - it only keeps you feeling stuck and worthless. Focus your conversations on how you will move forward from this event.
REFERENCES:
[1] page 211, 'Psychology, an Introduction', J. Summers, R. Borkland, M. Walker, Australia, 1989, John Wiley & Sons.
It is All Your Fault - To learn more about this author, visit Michael Licenblat's Website.
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