Failure or Feedback You choose

Guest post by: Kirsten Long
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Failure or Feedback You choose - By Kirsten Long

FAILURE or FEEDBACK – you choose!

FAILURE – what a terrible word! It brings fear and depression into our lives. Failure makes us feel bad, which has a knock-on effect of lowering our self-esteem and our aspirations. It gives us room to beat ourselves up and acknowledge that we are useless/ bad/ pathetic (or whatever our favourite label for ourselves is) “I have failed” destroys our energy and our motivation. Worst of all, we choose this attitude; we agree to do this to ourselves. We relish in the opportunity to put ourselves down.

Why do I say we choose this? Because there is another way and that is what this article is about: welcoming ‘failure’ and making it work for us.

Failure (or success for that matter) is essentially the result of interactions in a system. It means that the structures in the system are incorrect/ not working. It has no implication in anyway on you as a person. Failure just means that you did not get what you wanted. Failure is really feedback.

Unfortunately we attach emotions to failure and that’s where the difficulties lie. It is that fact which caused the pain, the insecurity and the fear. This way of dealing with failure has no value (unless we want to be downtrodden losers!)

How can we use failure to move us forwards in life? Firstly be very aware about what you say about your failure. Your failure is useful information to help you with the future – NOT evidence that you are incapable of achieving what you want. Look at the statements below: those labelled a) shut you down and prove that you are incapable; those labelled b) open up possibilities for moving you forward successfully:

a) I was a failure at school
b) The school was not equipped to deal with people like me

a) I failed my drivers license
b) I still have two skills to master in order to get my license

a) I don’t know how to do that
b) I’ll find our how to do that

Know that failure is merely feedback and learn from it. Be curious about your failure. Look at it in a non-emotional way and ask 3 simple questions: What worked? What did not work? What must I do differently in the future? Failure is not an accident. It is there to teach you something. It tells you what to do more of and what to do less of. Failure is the way to move forward. Look at how things came about this way. Decide what you need to adjust and what to do next. Look at what resources you have to help you move forwards. Most importantly, ask yourself ‘What is the learning in this for me?’ and ask that question over and over during the following week or more. This is far more useful than asking once, straight after the failure. Digging deep results in more authentic answers and you have those answers inside of you.

Learning from failures moves us towards being emotionally mature adults. The thing that makes the most difference when experiencing failure, is not that we failed, but what we do with the failure and what we say about it. Also, don’t play the blame game. It is far more useful for your future to accept responsibility and to make a plan to play your future out differently.

Develop a tolerance for mistakes and failures and flopped dreams – these are your most powerful teachers. In fact, those who have never experienced failure have missed out on feedback that could turn them into magnificent successes.

So decide how you are going to handle failure. You do have the choice. My choice is to welcome failure into my life, to label it feedback, to learn from it and to view it as essential to my success.

Celebrate the fact that the road to success is paved with many failures!

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Failure or Feedback You choose - By Kirsten Long

About the Author: Kirsten Long

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Kirsten Long is a Life Coach based in Johannesburg, South Africa. She has worked full time as a coach since December 2005. She does one-on-one coaching as well as over Skype. Kirsten brings to coaching much life experience and a passion for personal excellence and learning. Her work with teenagers and business people in different roles has given her an in-depth understanding of relationships and other challenges that life offers. Her purpose in life is to help people move forwards. Her e-book "Renovate Your Life" is available at http://www.coach4life.co.za/buy1.html. Kirsten has been married for 18 years and has three teenagers. Her calm and warm disposition creates a wonderful space for the inner reflection that coaching requires. Visit her website www.coach4life.co.za for more details.
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