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Relationship = to relate with a significant other person lovingly everyday.

Guest post by: Malti Bhojwani

Article Overview: Look at it as a verb "to relate with a significant other person lovingly everyday" not a noun. It is a verb – continuous – you are in a relationship for as log as you are relating with this person. And if you are doing it so lovingly then you are in a goooood relationship! Whose responsibility is a relationship? 50-50? 80-20? In my opinion, each partner has to give 100% in order for a relationship to work. A real loving relationship is a partnership of mutual support and mutual pleasure and mutual respect.

Relationship = to relate with a significant other person lovingly everyday.

Relationship = to relate with a significant other person lovingly everyday.

Relationship

Look at it as a verb "to relate with a significant other person lovingly everyday" not a noun. It is a verb – continuous – you are in a relationship for as log as you are relating with this person. And if you are doing it so lovingly then you are in a goooood relationship!

Whose responsibility is a relationship?

50-50?

80-20?

"One of the false beliefs that it is important to let go of, is the belief that we need another person in our lives to make us whole. As long as we believe that someone else has the power to make us happy then we are setting ourselves up to be victims."

Quote from Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls – Robert Burney

In my opinion, each partner has to give 100% in order for a relationship to work.

A real loving relationship is a partnership of mutual support and mutual pleasure and mutual respect.

Relationships are "created" and don't exist until two people unite in a common purpose. To commit to relating with each other in a loving and positive way. That’s all it is. You make a choice to continue to relate with another person in a loving and conducive way so that each of you can meet your life goals and attain personal growth.

Remember why you are in the relationship in the first place. To me, the only reason to be in one is because you really want to be in it. We have a choice every single moment to decide and choose what we want. There are no “have tos”. The minute you feel you have to be where you are, then you are imposing compulsions on yourself and taking away all the joy.

Why be in a committed relationship? Or why get married? When you are clear of our own personal reasons, then we have chosen it out of a “want” and not a “have-to”.

Here are some of the good reasons:

You are in love with one another.

You have a desire to share your life with another and the willingness to help one another fulfill their own needs and dreams.

You want to have a lifetime companion in this particular person

And below are some of the reasons NOT to:

Want to be free from parents.

To have sex.

To ease loneliness.

To be happy.

To be an adult.

Because of a pregnancy.

He or she loves you.

To save or help someone.

Because you want a baby.

For money.

Because all your friends are married.

You've always wanted a fancy wedding.

Out of fear that no one else will want to marry you.

And to top the list:

For immigration purposes.

Once you are sure that you are choosing to be in a relationship for an empowering reason and you know that you want to be with this person more than you want anything else in the world, then everything you do for each other and to keep your life together harmonious will come from desire and a true “want”. You will not have anything to complain about. You won’t be complaining about your situation or your partner. Learning to respond with your “goal” or desire in mind rather than reacting angrily or defensively to each other is essential. The said “goal” or desire is “to relate with this person lovingly everyday”. So the next time your partner pushes your buttons or says something that almost invokes an impulsive reaction (which you know is going to cause a war) wait….and think about why you are in this relationship again and ask yourself what the goal is.

A reaction is automatic, not thought through consequentially, whereas a response is chosen. Between an action and its reaction there is a space, and in that space is the opportunity to choose. Responding is using that space to make that choice and to do or say what will get you closer to your goal. In your dealings with your partner, always remember that your goal is having a working and loving relationship. It is your responsibility because of what it's going to bring YOU.

Developing the habit of carefully choosing our responses instead of impulsively reacting to each other is different from letting your partner walk all over you. No one wants to be a doormat, or be involved in a relationship with a pushover. Learning to love, and cultivating good relationship skills, means understanding your own place in your life. Choosing a response that is sensitive to the feelings of your partner is a priceless habit to form in order to have a happy and loving relationship. There is a delicate balance between giving freely and thinking of our own needs. This is the trickiest relationship skill to master, but perhaps the most rewarding.

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Article Tags: codependence, disfunctional, interdependence, love, loving relationship, mutual pleasure, mutual respect, partnership, relationship



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