---

Guest post by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. Become an Author

Tweet

---

---

Does anger have power? Are you being powerful when you are angry? The answers to these questions depend on what you mean by power.

Certainly you can intimidate many people with your anger - especially children or others who are physically weaker than you, or people who are terrified of disapproval and rejection. Anger - other than the outrage from the loving adult that leads to taking action against injustice - is a form of control. When you succeed in making others afraid of you, it often it works to get them to do what you want. But it will never work to get them to feel what you want them to feel, and it will never lead to the sharing of love.

Power Over or Power Within

There is a huge difference between "power over" and "power within."

Anger at others is about power over, while taking responsibility for your own feelings is about power within.

People who use anger as a form of power and control believe that the means justifies the end. They believe that intimidating others into doing what they want them to do will work for them to make them happy. This is a huge false belief.

While you may be able to achieve financial success through various forms of manipulation, people who do achieve success in this way are not happy people. Have you ever seen an angry person be truly joyful?

Happiness and joy come from personal power, not from power over. Happiness and joy come from taking responsibility for your own feelings and behavior, and from caring about others rather than using or discounting others. Truly happy people are cooperative with others rather than controlling.

How Do You End Up Feeling When You Get Angry?

If you tend to get angry at others, take a look inside. How do you feel when you get angry? You might feel good for the moment, as all addictions feel good for the moment. But does getting angry at others lead you to feeling fulfilled, joyful and peaceful inside? Does it lead to connected, fun and fulfilling relationships with others? When you manage to get your way or get someone to do what you want them to do, do you end up feeling worthy, lovable, and filled up inside?

If you are honest with yourself, you will discover that anger or other forms of intimidation lead to feeling empty inside. The fullness of inner peace and joy come from being loving to yourself and to others - not from getting what you think you want.

Anger Meant to Intimidate May be Abusive

Anger meant to intimidate can take many forms. It can be loud or it can be silent. It can come through a look that says, "If you don't do what I say, I will punish you with shutting down and withdrawing my love." It can be a quiet threat, a menacing look, or overt rage. It can be physically violent or emotionally violent. But when it completely disrespects the other person, it is abusive. It is about getting what you want while disregarding what the other person wants and feels.

When your intent is to protect/control, anger may be one of the forms this takes. When it is habitual and addictive, it will change only when your intent changes from controlling to loving yourself and others.

While the wounded self believes that anger power works for you, what it is really doing is creating your aloneness and emptiness.

So what do you really want? Do you want to get your way, or do you want to be a happy, fulfilled person, able to share your love with others? You get to choose.

Related Articles

  Anger Rising
  Fear of Anger - Yours and Others
  EQ Leadership Vital Sign The Power of Anger
  Struggling to "Be Here Now"?
  Leadership Tips: How to Spot Many Forms of Anger
  The Third Deadly Workplace Sin: Anger
  Anger – The Hardest Employee Performance Emotion For Managers To Deal With
  Learn why you need to Manage your Anger!
  When Anger Calls, Do You Answer?
  Why EI is important and how it is valuable?
  Getting Angry Doesn’t Benefit Anyone
  Anger Management Practice The gift of forgiveness
  Speaking Your Truth When it's Hard
  Are You MAD?
  Home Business Opportunity - Learning To Control Emotions
  How To Calm An Angry Person
  Anger Management
  How to Deal With Emotional Employees
  Flip the Feeling!
  Resentment

Related Forum Posts

Success Strategies
The Power of Ten
Wills, Power of Attorneys personal, bank, health
Re: Traffic! How do you get it?
Business magazines

Share this article. Fund someone's dream.

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

Join Conversations Politely, Part 1

Common Sense Leadership

Bullying in the Workplace – How to Deal with It

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.