Tweet

Relationship Breakup: Heartbreak and Healing

Written by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Article Overview: Are you suffering from the heartbreak of a broken relationship? Do you feel like you can't live without your partner? Discover the likely cause of this heartbreak and how to heal it.

Relationship Breakup: Heartbreak and Healing

Lindsay called me for counseling because her boyfriend of 18 months had just ended their relationship. Lindsay, 28, had been sure that Jake was "Mr. Right."

"I am so heartbroken," sobbed Lindsay. "I don't know how I’m going to get through this. It feels like my heart is breaking apart. I love Jake so much and I thought he loved me too. I don't get how this could have happened, or why it happened. I feel like I can't live without him."

"Tell me about your relationship with Jake."

"We met through a mutual friend and hit it off right away. We have so much in common. Within a couple of months we were talking about marriage and children. But about six months into the relationship, Jake started to get a little distant. He said it was nothing, that he just needed a little space. It kind of freaked me out but I gave him the space. Then things seemed fine for a while again until a few months ago, when I mentioned getting married. That's when he started to pull away again, which was terribly confusing to me since he was the one who first brought up marriage. Then last Saturday night, he told me that he realized that he is just not ready for marriage and that he wanted to end the relationship. I was so shocked, and now I don't know what to do."

As we talked more about the relationship, it became apparent that Jake has a fear of engulfment. From the time he mentioned marriage, his fears of losing himself got triggered and he started to pull away. His pulling away triggered Lindsay's fears of rejection and she started to subtly pull on him for more time and attention, which only exacerbated his fears of engulfment. Lindsay found herself becoming more and more needy as Jake continued to pull away.

Abandoning Herself

The reason that Lindsay was struggling so much with the breakup was because she had abandoned herself to Jake - making Jake her Source rather than Spirit her Source. Jake became her God, which terrified him.

Had Lindsay stayed connected with herself in the relationship with Jake, she would have realized that Jake's fear of engulfment was too unhealed for him to be in the kind of committed relationship that she envisioned. If she had not abandoned herself to Jake, she probably would not have committed to the relationship. But Jake's fears of engulfment triggered her father's emotional unavailability and she unconsciously hoped to have control over getting from Jake what she couldn't get from her father.

Healing her Heartbreak

For Lindsay to recover from her heartbreak, she needed to learn to stay connected with her feelings and her spiritual Source, rather than make a man responsible for her wellbeing. The clue to this was her saying "I feel like I can't live without him." Another person becoming so important to you that you feel you can't live without him or her is a clue that you are abandoning yourself.

The deeper level of heartbreak is this self-abandonment - which likely mirrors the abandonment you may have experienced as you were growing up. Many people have learned to treat themselves as they were treated or as their parents or caregivers treated themselves. When this is the case, you are abandoning the child within - your feeling self. Instead of taking responsibility for your own feelings, you are making another responsible for your happiness and wellbeing, and when they leave or die, you are left devastated.

This is what was happening with Lindsay. She was devastated because she had abandoned her responsibility for her happiness and sense of worth and lovability and had made Jake responsible. She felt abandoned by Jake because she had abandoned herself.

Through practicing Inner Bonding, Lindsay learned to take responsibility for her own happiness, worth and lovability. The more she took this responsibility, the more her broken heart healed.

Related Articles
  The Secret to Emotional Healing
  Healing Love and Approval Addiction
  The Heart of Healing
  Welcome to L.A.
  Holding Your Heart Through Sadness and Heartbreak

Article Tags: br, counseling, fear, fears, god, heart, last saturday night, little space, marriage, mutual friend, ready for marriage, rejection, relationship, six months, spirit



Related Forum Posts
Removal of Director paperwork - Hello I have to remove a director from my company, does anyone know where I can find director termination paperwork, and paperwork to terminate officer status in a corporation. Also, I am looking for information on the legality of diluting existing shareholders shares when I have the controlling block. Relationship with business partner went sour. Regards, Peter
Post subject: Too successful for a mate? - That was an interesting article, Shri! Most of the women I know who continue to be single have some type of self limiting behavior which interferes with them either meeting or attracting the perfect mate for them. They are incredible and talented women, they just haven't set themselves up for relationship success. I know there are men who may be intimidated, but there are also men who aren't. Some men are attracted to smart women! My advice to these women would be to focus on creating the right environment for a relationship to happen. This would be a great time to hire a Life Coach or Relationship Coach. Taking action to get ready for a relationship doesn't mean having to be aggressive in finding a man. It's more subtle. If you don't make room for a man in your life, you might just squeeze out the opportunity before he gets to you. As well, you may be sending off all the wrong signals without realizing it. Seriously, I don't think successful women are off the proverbial "good wife material list". However, if you think yourself off of it then don't be surprised if you fulfill your own prophecy.
Re: Approaching Social Marketing from the right angle - Well David from my experience having your friends around you on a social network can really benefit your business as long as you ensure that a few simple rules are observed 1. under no circumstances should you direct promote a particular site or product simultaneously with your friends IE all submit the same link numerous times between your circle,(spam) again use your signatures to do the selling. 2. ensure the topic of any discussion is suitable to include the rest of the community and especially those that connect with you. 3.if commenting on a member of your circles article or post keep the comment honest don't say it is a good post if you really believe it to be rubbish, this may upset your friend who created the post but will show the rest of those viewing that your being open and up front in how you treat people and are not showing favoritism - you are prepared to treat them as equals. Relationship/Social Marketing works best when you can create an environment where visitors to your group get a sense of family and a warm welcoming oasis in a sea of unknown people, most of the time you won't need to promote your product or opportunity because once new people start to relax their natural curiosity will cause them to ask about your online endeavors. You can mix business and social friends successfully on a social network providing you ensure the social rates higher than business.
Different types of funding - Business Relationship Funding This is another source of funds that can be overlooked. It may be possible to introduce potential alliances to add value to both parties. It may produce an ultimate exit route in the medium to long term. Joint Ventures: Requires a legal agreement embodying the deal and another company Partnerships: Two companies collaborate with possible funding. Joint working relationships: These are an informal partnership which may be more project specific where the parties can share resources. Agencies: These can be geographical or product specific and generally incorporates a payment for the right to the agency. Distributors: Very like an agency but may not necessarily involve up front payment. Alliances: These do not require a separate company and can be embodied by a legal agreement to work together. Trade investors: Otherwise known as Corporate Partnering. This can be a good way to involve a much larger company in the business with a view to possible trade sale further down the line. Associates: This can be a loose arrangement with no fundamental commitments either way, rather like a preferred supplier. Equity Swop: Two companies exchange shares to a similar value to develop both businesses. Franchises: This can allow the business to grow without further direct investment. Licensing: This involves licensing a product or service to enable others to sell it. This requires you to own the intellectual property.
Local Chamber of commerce - I would suggest something that has been under the radar for about 6 months now that I've been using for about a year and there is nothing like it.. Success On Contact it is referred to as a Permission Based Relationship Marketing Software. It has all the basics like list management, contact management, campaign management and such, but also integrates with inbound and outbound VoIP like Vonage, Skype and J2 Communications ( will actually automatically attach voicemails to contact record with play button), or create a new contact record if it does not recognise the inbound number calling. It also integrates with just a few clicks with web based voicebroadcasting services. Let's see what else...oh, internal email and newsletter client, newsletter and pdf post card and sales campaign creation. It also automatically pulls leads from your websites into your contact manager without you lifting a finger and notifies you within 60 seconds to your desktop that you have a lead and it is automatically databased according to advertisement, product/ service campaign so you can track seamlessly where your leads are coming from. This is my favorite feature, because thru out the day, my recontact due icon pops up to let me know I have a new lead, I just click on the new name in the recontact due and pops up the full record all filled in (no wasted time entering data), I click on the Skype button (I use Skype..but it could be your land line..etc.) and presto, I'm talking to my prospective client in less than 2 minutes from the time they opted for more information. and many times while they are on my site. Typing notes in the contact record along the way and engaging them immediately in my sales process.


Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.

Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.

Tweet

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

Work at home Opportunities for the Disabled

Sales Courage and Resilience

How to develop the best lateral thinking skills

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.