Tweet

"What Are They Thinking About Me?"

Guest post by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Article Overview: How would you feel and what would you do differently in your life if you gave up worrying about what others think of you - if you gave up your illusion of control over others' feelings and thoughts?

"What Are They Thinking About Me?"

"You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do."

--Eleanor Roosevelt

Why should most people be thinking about you? They are far more concerned with what you are thinking about them to spend time thinking about you!

Right now, take a moment to ponder the question: "How would I feel and what would I do differently if I never thought about what people think of me?"

I pondered this question many years ago and discovered some things that changed my life:

• I discovered that I felt anxious whenever I worried about what someone thought of me, which made it impossible to be myself. As soon as I was concerned about their judgment or approval, I tried to become what I thought they wanted me to be to gain their approval. This made me so tense that even if I got their approval, I still felt bad.



• I discovered that I was drawn to being with judgmental people - people who were very much like my parents - and I was addicted to trying to get these judgmental people to approve of me. I saw that this was a dead end – that I had no control over getting judgmental and rejecting people to be loving and kind, and I stopped being drawn to these people.



• I discovered that even if I got their approval, it was always short-lived and I had to keep looking good and performing right to get it again. This was an exhausting way to live.



• I discovered that no matter how hard I worked on doing things right and being perfect and never making a mistake or failing, some people liked me and some didn't. I learned that if I was just myself and gave up being right and perfect, some people liked me and some didn't. I finally saw that trying so hard to get love or approval was a complete waste of my time and energy!



• I discovered that I was confusing love and approval. I learned that love is that which is unconditional and that people either gave it freely or they didn't and it was not something I could earn or control. I might be able to control getting some approval, but not love.



• I learned that, while approval felt good for the moment, it never fully filled me with love for myself, or confidence in myself.



• I discovered that when I gave myself the approval, love and attention that I was trying so hard to get from others, life became much easier and more fun!

By really paying attention to my feelings and actions, I was able to completely give up even thinking about what others thought of me. I discovered the truth of what Terry Cole Whitaker said in the title of her book, "What Others Think Of Me Is None Of My Business."

It is such a freedom to never think about what others think of me! I am free to speak my truth, to say yes or no according to what is in my highest good, to love with my whole heart and soul, to freely offer my gifts and talents, to trust my own feelings and higher guidance rather than buy into others' beliefs and opinions, to not be controlled by fear of making a mistake or fear of others' judgment, to laugh as loud as long as I want as I want, and to cry when I am hurting or moved.

I am free to love myself and share my love with others with no agenda regarding how they will feel about me, and this is the greatest joy of all.

Related Articles
  REFLECTION NOTE
  Positive Thinking
  Bill Gates' Secret Weapon: Stop to Think
  Strategic Thinking What Does It Really Mean
  Playing The Game
  The 10 Most Common Words You Should Stop Using Now
  Is Your Thinking Bigger Than This?
  The Most Important Rule of Business
  Are You Thinking Too Small?
  Formula to Just Do It
  Do you invite thinking or evict thinking?
  The Power of Critical Thinking
  THE ART OF THINKING
  Focus on Deliberate Creation Through Active Thought Processes
  How to Exercise Your Right to choose your thoughts-The Science of Results Oriented Thinking
  Business Coaching As A Valuable Asset For You and Your Business
  Autosuggestion-Be a Success By Just Thinking It!
  Clearing Up The Myths About Strategic Thinking and Planning
  More On Strategic Thinking
  The Value and Benefits of Strategic Thinking

Article Tags: approval, freedom, heart and soul, Inner Bonding, judgmental people, love, Margaret Paul, perfectionism, spiritual guidance, trusting your feelings, unconditional love



Related Forum Posts
Re: THE SECRET TO SUCCESS IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD...RIGHT NOW!!! - Success = Thinking (Head) + Heart (Feeling / Interest) + Hand (doing/ action). Success - H3 Robert
Hiring introverts vs. extroverts - Hi Kevin - interesting topic! Thinking back over my career as an entrepreneur and the people I've brought on, most of them have been introverts. The exception usually comes with the sales function (but not always). It's generally hard to be a good salesperson if you are an introvert.
Re: Essential Leadership skills - Vision Values Mission Strategic Thinking Decision Making Communication Team Bonding People Development Coaching / Mentoring / Guiding / Grooming Presentation Thanks Robert
Re: Getting ready to sell by childhood baseball card collection. - Sounds like we're in a similar situation Mal. For me it just got to a point where I realized if I took my top 20 or 30 cards that meant the most to me I could actually display them and cherish them instead of keeping them in boxes with all the others. Plus I knew others could benefit and get new happiness from the other cards. Thinking about those 2 points made it a lot easier to part with them.
Re: How do you create a million dollar idea? - Thinking is the easiest way to create a million dollar idea. If in doubt ask Alex Tew. He was faced with a financial problem, he needed money for his university education. He sat down one night and thought on how to overcome the problem, he came out with selling pixels to a million people at a dollar each. In five months he made his millon.


Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.

Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

Fear Factors in Small Business: Sales & Marketing

Time management for DIY PR

Email Marketing Made Easy #11 - Avoiding Spam

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.