Tweet

What Creates Confidence?

Written by: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.

Article Overview: Do you lack personal or professional confidence? Do you often wonder at how others can appear to feel so confident? Discover the path to both personal and professional confidence.

What Creates Confidence?

The Encarta World English Dictionary defines "confidence" as "a belief or self-assurance in your ability to succeed."

We all know people who appear to be very confident professionally, yet when it comes to personal relationships, appear to be very insecure.

Personal confidence is totally different than professional confidence in that personal confidence is about who you are and professional confidence is about what you do.

Personal Confidence

What creates personal confidence? How does one become confident in who they are?

If you grew up with parents who valued their own inner qualities and were role models for inner confidence, and valued your inner qualities and supported you in being who you are, it is likely that you feel personally confident.

But must of us did not grow up that way. Most of us grew up with parents or other caregivers who not only lacked personal confidence, but who may have blamed and shamed us, undermining our sense of self.

However, no matter how much we may have been de-valued as children, it is never too late to learn to value ourselves now. The secret in gaining personal confidence is to get to know your true Self - your soul essence - who you really are.

Your true Self is your essential inner qualities that you were born with, such as your ability to love, to be kind and caring, to be compassionate and empathic, and to listen well. It is about your basic goodness. It is also about your creativity, your unique talents, your particular forms of intelligence, your sense of humor, your smile, your laugh - all that is uniquely you.

If you were not valued for your true Self, then it is likely that you are not seeing or valuing your essence qualities. In fact, you might have decided a long time ago that you are not good enough - that you are somehow inadequate as a person. It is this false belief that creates feelings of inadequacy and a lack of personal confidence.

Right now, imagine that you can see yourself, not from the eyes of your programmed ego wounded self, but from the eyes of your higher self - the eyes of love. Visualize yourself as a very small child and look inside at who that child is. What do you see? Is there anything about you as a small child that makes you unlovable? What are the wonderful qualities that are inherent in you as a child? If this child were your actual child, how would you feel about him or her?

Throughout the day today, practice noticing and valuing your inner qualities. If you do something kind, say to your inner child, "I really value your kindness." If you are creative or funny, express appreciation for these qualities. Day by day, as you consistently value your intrinsic qualities, you will find yourself gaining in personal confidence. When you learn to appreciate rather than judge who you are you will feel personally confident.

Professional Confidence

Professional confidence comes with time and practice. The more you learn and practice a particular skill, the better you become at it and the more confidence you have regarding this skill. With enough time and practice, anyone can become confident in their ability to perform.

Some people attempt to define themselves by their performance, believing that what they DO defines who they ARE. When this is the case, they will continue to lack personal confidence, no matter how successful they are professionally. When you attach your worth to your external success, then you have to continually succeed to be worthy, which creates much inner stress. If you find yourself constantly judging yourself to get yourself to perform, you might want to notice that it is this self-judgment that erodes your personal confidence.

Confidence as an adult does not come from others approval. Valuing both who you are and what you do is what creates a deep level of inner confidence.

Related Articles
  Book Review: Peak: How Great Companies Get Their Mojo From Maslow
  Are You Confident Or Cocky?
  The Role of Self-Confidence in Success
  Create Your Success by Faking it Till You Make It
  Are You Ready to Improve Your Self Confidence Level?

Article Tags: caregivers, creativity, encarta world english dictionary, false belief, feelings of inadequacy, goodness, inner confidence, inner qualities, laugh, long time, personal confidence, personal relationships, professional confidence, role models, self assurance, sense of humor, smile, soul essence, talents, true self



Related Forum Posts
6 Simple Ways to Be Taken More Seriously - 1. Eye Contact 2. Be Assertive 3. Speak Clearly - Don't beat around the bush 4. Better to be the king the the court jester - only make jokes when apropriate. If your not serious then don't expect people to take you seriously 5. Confidence 6. Confidence (yes, confidence again!)
Boosting Confidence - Confidence is something all of us women could stand to have infused in our blood 24/7! It’s one of those areas that many struggle with the most. Through my coaching practice, I’ve discovered an underlying thread that seems to undermine confidence in some women. It has to do with confusing true confidence with pride or arrogance. Confidence is being sure of who you are and what you are able to do in a way that does not compare yourself to others. It is not dependent on value because every one of us women is valuable. Pride or arrogance is when someone lifts him or herself above others as if they are more valuable than others. It also seems to be related to "approval addiction" where the self esteem must continually be fed by others or they don't feel good about themselves. Thus, some arrogant people put others down so they can see themselves as above. Confidence is simply being all of the great woman you already are. You want to create a great business and you want to do your job well. It is not prideful to be confident in what you are doing. I invite you to give yourself permission to really let your abilities come forward and see what happens to you and your business as a result. I’d also love to hear what methods you have for boosting your own confidence.
Re: Boosting Confidence - Kevin, I am so glad you asked that question! It's the missing link for so many people (and a huge key to confidence and entrepreneurial endurance). Since you asked the question hypothetically, when I say "you", I'm not meaning you personally, Kevin (unless you identify with it). Our purpose is like our personal mission statement. It's something we need to consciously sit down and think about. The problem is that so many have blocked their own voice and focused on outside influence instead. We need to practice listening to our own inner self. Confidence is found within so this is where we need to start. It means we need to trust that we actually do have the answers to what it is we need to know for our own personal success. They key to our purpose is actually tied in with what we really love to do. To start discovering what your purpose is, start discovering what you are really passionate about. Then begin asking yourself what you would love to do that would make a huge difference in that particular area. For example, if you love technology and also desire to help people, ask yourself how you can really help people using your technology. If your business is already established, start considering how you can develop the next phase of it to match your sense of purpose. Perhaps it's even time to delegate your work so that you can be freed up to pursue what you REALLY love to do. The great side effect is that most of us do a far better job at what we love to do anyway. Many people don't even get to this point because they disqualify their sense of passion and purpose before they even really discover the way to build financial success based on what they love to do. Some consider it a "pipe dream", but I say, "Why not?" You mention money, but what some people don't realize is that you must discover you purpose or your personal mission FIRST if you are to tap into passion to create the kind of wealth that is really satisfying. If you talk to people with money, you will discover that financial success is not what truly makes you happy. Satisfaction is the key ingredient. Developing a business which matches your passion and your purpose ensures you will enjoy the success when you get there. When you pursue developing your business from this place, confidence comes along side you because you are aware you have a personal mission to help others or create change in some way. It takes the focus off you and gives you confidence to overcome what could seem like incredibly challenging obstacles. If you are simply chasing money, there will come a point that you will really question if it is all even worth it. You may be faced with this question regardless, but if you have purpose, you often find the fortitude to really press forward anyhow. I hope that answers your question, Kevin. Warm regards, Tami
Books for Women Entrepreneurs - There's a thread for good books in the Resources folder, but it doesn't target books for businesswomen particularly, so I figured I'd start such a thread here. It doesn't matter how successful you are in your business - it's always possible to learn something new. In subsequent posts I give Table of Contents and brief descriptions for various titles - most of them devoted to the businesswoman - and sometimes a review. If anyone else has read a review, or has read the book and found it useful, please comment! 1. The Old Girl's Network 2. Mother's Work 3. The 7 Greatest Truths About Successful Women 4. Pitch Like A Girl 5. Workplace Warrior 6. Treasure Hunt: Inside the Mind of the Modern Consumer 7. Contingency Planning & Disaster Recovery 8. She Wins, You Win 9. Napoleon On Project Management 10. Why Good Girls Dont' Get Ahead, But Gutsy Girls Do 11. Comeback Moms: How to Leave Work, Raise Children, and Restart your Career even If you Haven't Had a Job in Years 12. The One Minute Millionaire 13. Talking From 9 to 5 14. Soloing: Realizing Your Life's Ambitions 15. 101 Best Home Based Businesses for Women: Everything You Need to Know About Getting Started on the Road To Success 16. Work With Passion: How to Do What You Love for a Living. Revised and Expanded 17. Fail-Proof Your Business: Beat the Odds and be Successful 18. Confidence: How Winning Streaks and Losing Streaks Begin and End 19. Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide 20. Millionaire Women Next Door: The Many Journeys of Successful American Businesswomen 21. Start Small, Finish Big: Fifteen Key Lessons to Start - and Run - Your Own Successful Business 22. Rewired, Rehired or Retired: A Global Guide for the Experienced Worker 23. The Martha Rules: 10 essentials for achieving success as you start, build or manage a business 24. The Essentials of Entrepreneurship: What it takes to create Successful Enterprises 25. Net Ready: Strategies for Success in the E-conomy 26. The Promotable Woman 27. Leave The Office Earlier: The Productivity Pro shows you how to do more in less time and feel great about it 28. The Work At Home Balancing Act: The professional resource guide for managing yourself, your work, and your family at home 29. Secrets of Six-Figure Women
Women Entrepreneurs On The Rise - Are you a women who owns her own business? I believe that empowered, successful women are one of the keys to causing our world to change to a more peaceful and community oriented society. Did you know that women are now contributing to nearly half of all new small businesses?. Maybe through your business you want to make a difference and of course you also want to have prosperity. According to the Woman's Financial Network, women start businesses at two times the rate of men. While women are starting more businesses than men, they often find it harder to get things going and to sustain them over the long term. What can women do to be more sustainable in the long haul? Business is all about relationships. You have probably noticed that women are more relationship oriented and having that natural bent serves well in the business world. Women tend to be better listeners and develop stronger relationships with customers, clients, and vendors. Developing supportive relationships is also what sustains women. One women I have worked with shares, " Building my business has been about creating a team and investing energy into teach person, knowing that I cannot do all this alone. Men like to be the alpha male and do it themselves. But I need and want to be part of a community." Another women shares. "Mentoring has been crucial for me. I have enjoyed having a female mentor that shows that it is possible for me as a woman to make it." Women need a community and to be with other women entrepreneurs. Fulfillment comes from sharing business, personal, financial and spiritual fulfillment through connections with other like-minded women. Women's support comes from being in a circle, talking, and sharing. In the earliest women's enterprises, this is how it has worked, whether it was quilting bees or canning vegetables in the kitchen. Women have always needed to connect with one another and talk. Women business owners benefit from sharing with each other in many ways including, • Reducing work stress • Confidence building • Self- esteem growth • Laughter • Sharing challenging situations • Life-work balance • Learning from each other Does all this sound good? Here are three suggestions. 1. Find a couple other women who own businesses in your area and set up a regular meeting at a cafe. It is a nice break from work and also can offer support and sharing of resources. 2. Join a women's networking group. Not only will you meet other women but you might benefit from the monthly presentations. 3. Join a facilitated women in business group. This has the benefit of being more focused and committed. Whatever your business make sure you are one of those who succeed in the long run. Find support, find other women to talk to, and once you are successful be a mentor to a new business woman. Being able to give back is the icing on the cake.


Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.

Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.

Tweet

Newsletter

Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!

Name:
Email:

Popular Articles

Four Reasons Why Entrepreneurs Should Blog

Purchasing Real Estate using the SBA 504 Loan

Looking for an Easy Online Business Opportunity?

Suggestions

Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.