Tha Approval Trap Solution

Some years ago executives of a greeting card company decided to do something special for Mother's day. They set up a table in a federal prison, inviting any inmate who so desired to send a card to his mum. The lines were so long, they had to make a trip to another factory to get more cards. Due to the success of the event, they decided to do the same thing on Father's day but this time not one prisoner came. (Bringing up the Boys page 60)

So the penny drops. Maybe for some of us tonight the light can go on. This stressful drive in me to perform, to achieve, to succeed, to work and to try and earn the love or approval I never got from my dad, will simply not cut the mustard! And will unleash colossal tsunamis of stress on us.

 So what can we do because if you and I are driven by the approval trap it's a restlessness in us that on some days may feel productive but on other days it will eat at you, gnaw at you and deceive you into thinking that restless volumes of activity are scratching what feels like an eternal itch. Actually there's another way We can make a small but practical start.                                                                                   Slide 13

 One starting point is to sit down one evening and write down every way in which your father failed you, hurt you, damaged you and let you down. Gill and I have done this ourselves and done it with scores of others. Write it down as a debt he owes you, like an accounting column DEBT. Whether he is alive or dead makes no difference to this little exercise. Now we can release one of the most amazing and powerful life-changing forces that will ever be our privilege to wield, we are going to forgive him.

 You say but wait a minute, he really did damage me and effect me, and he was never sorry. He never did say well done or I love you. I could never please him. A common response is 'Why should I forgive?' He's still not said sorry, for some it may even be that the damage is still being done. So why should I forgive? The best answer I can give you is because you can. And because it's good for us. Why let the past continue to stress us now?

Forgiveness is not weak,  it's not woolly it's tough very tough for some. But it also real power because you stop them having any further hold or torment in your life. Forgiveness does not brush it under the carpet, it means you face up to the reality - they do owe you. It was your right you should have been able to expect unconditional love and he should have expressed that to you and there is a real debt there. But you and I are going to cancel that debt tonight. Forgiveness can be massively tough for some but the alternative - unforgiveness has an even tougher toll on our lives through stress and distress.

 On our little sheet of paper we write debt cancelled and we cross it through and then if you want set fire to it.

The word forgiveness simply means let it go. It's like blowing up a balloon, when it's blown up it seems so big doesn't it Then we simply release it, we let it go.