Tha Damage Of Goals

There is however a sinister dimension to goals and the hidden danger occurs when our sense of importance our self worth or our self esteem is dependant on the successful achievement of that goal. It's not always easy to see in myself but at least knowing it might be there can help me spot it in time.

Stress responses work like this, anger can reflect blocked goals, anxiety or worry can reflect uncertain goals and depression can reflect an impossible goal. Let's look at each one.

Anger. If your normal stress emotion is anger it may well be that we have some deep rooted sense that our life goals are blocked. And more commonly when our activity in a relationship or a project at work results in feelings of anger, it's usually because someone or something has blocked your goal in that endeavour. Block that and you get anger - big anger. A must have is thwarted.

Anxiety worry fear. Remember we saw just now Emotions tell us about the cause of our stress. Anxiety worry fear are stressful responses that can indicate a goal whose attainment seems unlikely or unsure. These feelings will often indicate that we have put our trust or hope in an outcome but we are unsure that the objective will be realised. We are hoping something will happen but we have no guarantee it will. You can control some of the factors but not all of them.

 For example a teenager may believe her happiness at school depends on her parents allowing her to attend the school dance. Not knowing how they will respond she is anxious. Her self worth her status her street cred may in her perception be based on a positive answer.

Depression can signal an impossible goal. When you base your future success on something that cannot happen you have an impossible helpless goal. Your depression can be a signal that your goal no matter how noble, or how desirable may never be reached. This is a common source of stress in relationships where you and I are desperate for the attention or affection of one individual. Sometimes that is just impossible and it can produce depression.

 Of course there are depressions that can be triggered by other factors notably chemical imbalance. But if there is no physical cause for the depression then that depression may well be an expression of hopelessness. The book says hope deferred makes the heart ...... sick -that's a depressed heart.

How does this information help us with stress?

1. If I don't believe the goal is SMART then I need to challenge myself or my boss until together we believe it is or we change it. Or at least negotiate it.

2. If the goal depends on other people or life events beyond my control in order to be achieved that will be stressful and has a very uncertain outcome which quite naturally will lead to anxiety - simply because I don't have the ability on my own to achieve it. I need to think through is this a must have or a want. I may need to challenge my perspective.

3.  If in my heart I believe the goal is uncertain or impossible then I need to catch challenge and change something somewhere and I would be well advised to think this through until it's clear

4. If my goal is a must have - I need to do a soul search. Is this goal in reality a hidden or overt attempt to get my significance, self worth, self esteem or status. Because if so if I'm blocked I will see red - anger, if I'm uncertain of it's fulfilment I will be anxious and if it seems an impossible goal then I will get depressed.

This is not just unnecessary stress this is danger time and I will do well to catch challenge & change something at my very core.