|
|
Like this article? PLEASE +1 it! |  |
|
Basic Eldercare Realities
Written by: Barbara E. FriesnerArticle Overview: I always say that for the best results, talk early and often with your aging loved so you can resolve your eldercare issues by choice, not crisis. The earlier you start talking, the easier it is to get plans in place. The better the planning, the easier it will be for them and you in the long term.
 |
Free Download - Elder Caregiving: How to Help Family Members with Denial By Barbara E. Friesner |
Basic Eldercare Realities
I always say that for the best results, talk early and often with your aging loved so you can resolve your eldercare issues by choice, not crisis. The earlier you start talking, the easier it is to get plans in place. The better the planning, the easier it will be for them and you in the long term.
Before you begin to have your conversations with your aging loved one, however, there are some very important basic realities to keep in mind. Remembering these basic realities will help you have conversations that produce more than stress and frustration.
Basic Reality #1: THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES
Ideally your aging loved one will come around to your way of thinking but the basic reality is that they may not! It's important to try - and to keep trying - but there are no guarantees.
Basic Reality #2: YOU CAN'T MAKE ANYONE WANT TO CHANGE
Trying to impose your will over theirs is likely to have one of 4 effects:
a) they will stop talking to you
b) they will become even more stubborn
c) they will comply grudgingly, with anger & resentment and do their best to undermine your efforts
d) they will surrender to you altogether and become completely dependent on you
You will be more successful if you are willing to give a little, find ways to compromise and make accommodations, and accept that you will have to accept whatever comes - even if it falls short of your wishes.
Basic Reality #3: YOUR AGING LOVED ONES HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS
As long as they're capable of making their own decisions, your aging loved ones have the right to make their own decisions. Sometimes you can do little or nothing to help them. Contrary to popular belief, you never become your "parent's parent". Even if you're the caregiver, the best you can hope for is for it to be a collaboration. Remembering and respecting this is essential if you're going to have a workable relationship. Sometimes being patient and just letting it be for a while is your best plan of action.
Basic Reality #4: "YOU DON'T SEE THINGS AS THEY ARE. YOU SEE THINGS AS YOU ARE."
As the Talmud says, "You don't see things as they are. You see things as you are." In other words, it's human nature to think that everyone sees things the way we do - especially our parents who are, after all . . . our parents. But the reality is that we all see things from our own unique perspective through the lens of our own generational, emotional, and personal experiences - even the same situation!
Keep this in mind as you work with your aging loved one. Know that sometimes the solution will be illogical from your point of view. As you approach your aging loved one, remember that it's not about YOU - it has to be about THEM. Therefore, to improve communication, try to see things from their point of view and adapt your communication style and approach to theirs.
Basic Reality #5: TIMING IS EVERYTHING
I had a client who before calling me, flew in to talk with his mother. The plane was delayed so he didn't arrive until 9:30 at night. Although he was stressed from the flight, he still insisted on talking with his mother that night. With a start like that, needless to say, the entire trip was a bust. Had he waited until he was calm, he would have had much better results.
These are difficult conversations so you have to be flexible about when you bring it up. If you force the conversation just because that's the time you planned to have it, it won't work.
Timing is everything. You may want it "solved" now so you don't have to worry about them, have another conversation, etc. but a number of small, calm conversations will serve you much better in the long run.
Basic Reality #6: EVEN IF YOU CAN'T AGREE, SOMETHING GOOD MAY COME FROM TALKING.
Even if you can't agree on what's in their best interest, talking will help open the lines of communication. If nothing comes of the conversation other than clarifying each other's wishes and concerns, it will have been worth it. At least they know you are concerned and it may start them thinking. And if you start early, you can try again later. Basic Reality #7: KNOW WHEN TO HOLD ‘EM, WHEN TO FOLD ‘EM, AND WHEN TO WALK AWAY
If your aging loved one is of sound mind then they don't have to do anything. Ideally with your help, they'll want to do what's in their best interest but if they don't want to do something, they don't have to! So sometimes it's better to step back or actually walk away so you can try again another day.
That's why I can't stress enough how important is to START EARLY! Even in a crisis, things don't happen over night.
Barbara Friesner
AgeWiseLiving LLC
Eldercare Issues Resolved By Choice, Not Crisis
Caring for Aging Parents: What's The Best That Could Happen?
Caregivers' Cost Companies Billions
HELP I hired an Idealist
Become an Organized Caregiver: Master the Art of Herding Cats
Taking Control of Eldercare Paperwork
Article Tags: agewiseliving, aging parents, anger, caregiving, communication, dad, eldercare issues, family, generational coaching, mom, realities, stress
|
About the Author: Barbara E. Friesner RSS for Barbara E.'s articles - Visit Barbara E.'s website  In addition to her FREE weekly Senior care newsletter filled with tips for taking care of the elderly, Barbara is the Eldercare Expert and writes a monthly senior care guide column for the National Association of Baby Boomer Women. In addition, Barbara has been quoted in newspapers and magazines throughout the US. For over 25 years as a senior care manager, first for her grandmother and for the past 17 years for her mother (with dementia), Barbara learned firsthand how overwhelming, stressful, and time consuming senior care can be. As a result, Barbara started AgeWiseLiving to help others navigate through this challenging time, and avoid the emotional and frustrating task of finding the answers themselves and trial-and-error implementation. Barbara has collaborated with hundreds of family members who are providing senior care, professionals with Senior clients, and employees of Assisted Living communities to help them successfully build relationships and address critical senior care issues. As an adjunct professor at Cornell University, Barbara created and taught "Seniors Housing Management" at the School of Hotel Administration. Prior to starting AgeWiseLiving, Barbara was the Director of Education & Development for Loews Corporation and Dean of Loews University. She received her Master of Business Administration from Boston University. Click here to visit Barbara E.'s website   Great Gifts for Your Aging Loved Ones What Exactly Is A Generational Coach Communication that Works with Aging Parent or Older Clients Recognizing the Clues to Your Aging Parents Situation Elder Caregiving How to Help Family Members with Denial |
Related Forum Posts
Re: What newsletter program to use?
- Just did a quick review of GetResponse and v6.0 is impressive! but you should go with the Premium package which is $10 more than the Basic package per month.
Does anyone know if they require Opt-in confirmation on imported contacts?
I noticed they also include video emails and twitter integration. Nice product offering.
Re: Book Review - The Freedom Formula
- Hi Shri,
Thanks for your input.
I have read a bit of the book. Now I say something which many may know, true freedom comes from the true source of Freedom. We read this in Luke 4v17-18. ......has sent me to proclaim freedom for the....proclaim of the Lord's favor. Later it reads, the people were amazed.
She mentions God, but what about his son Jesus, who died and rose again. Jesus. Powerful. More and more people asking questions, why are we here and what is the purpose for our life. All the answers are in the Bible, which stands for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
A very successful guy in the US is Joel Osteen from Houston Texas, with over 40'000 people meeting every week. He has written a book: "Your Best Life Now" Well worth reading, too.
Regards
Beat
Contingency Planning and Disaster Recovery: A Small Business
- Contingency Planning and Disaster Recovery: A Small Business Guide
Donna R. Childs, Stefan Dietrich
2002
"Among the countless tragic lessons of 9/11, an overlooked but important discovery was the lack of preparedness among small and midsized businesses for responding to disaster. While most of the media attention was naturally devoted to...., the very existence of thousands of small businesses was determined by whether or not they had adequate insurance, sufficient technological support, and viable disaster contingency plans."
(People who live in hurricane prone areas need this as well...and who knows when a fire might not strike...)
Table of Contents
1. Preparation
2. Response
3. Recovery
4. SAmple IT Solutions
Basic safety practices
Okay, the TOC isn't [i:2fu76idt]too [/i:2fu76idt]helpful, but there's lots of valuable info in this book, as to ensure that [i:2fu76idt]your [/i:2fu76idt]losses won't be catastrophic. How people cope with suddenly seeing their homes and all their possessions gone, what kinds of insurance to get, etc. etc.
Re: Book Review - The Freedom Formula
- [quote="bmueller47":mx7r9l33]Hi Shri,
Thanks for your input.
I have read a bit of the book. Now I say something which many may know, true freedom comes from the true source of Freedom. We read this in Luke 4v17-18. ......has sent me to proclaim freedom for the....proclaim of the Lord's favor. Later it reads, the people were amazed.
She mentions God, but what about his son Jesus, who died and rose again. Jesus. Powerful. More and more people asking questions, why are we here and what is the purpose for our life. All the answers are in the Bible, which stands for Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
A very successful guy in the US is Joel Osteen from Houston Texas, with over 40'000 people meeting every week. He has written a book: "Your Best Life Now" Well worth reading, too.
Regards
Beat[/quote:mx7r9l33]
Hi Beat,
I totally agree with you, but we are living in an age where we have multifacet religions and different opinion on who is who in the spiritual realm. It is so amazing that the first book to be published on earth could not be believed by many. I know all the answers to life are in the bible and I am glad that I am one of the believers in the word of God
Re: Welcome to Entrepreneur University!
- Andy C. responding to your question. I;ve been with Ilearningglobal for a few months.
I went down to their corporate office to check it out, and at their Launch Conference in March.
Amazing company, first class executives running the company, and the Faculty are the best of the best in the world. I personally met Brian Tracy, Dan Clark, Bill Bartman etc. Simply great individuals.
As Brian Tracy says, "Learn from the experts, you'll never live long enough to learn it all yourself"
If you join as a Preferred Customer for $79.95, the Marketer who's website you signed up through, will earn a commission. If all you want is the Basic Membership, it's $79.95.
In order to earn commissions you need to be a Marketer. It is a one time $20.00 to be a Marketer.
For the $20 you receive:
1) Your own personal replicated website for marketing ILearningglobal.
( as people join, they are linked to you)
2) Provided with your own back office website to manage your business
( tracks your commissions, shows your customers & marketers etc. in your group)
3) Access to tools and training by ILearninglobal
All for just $20.
Every month thereafter, just your Membership of $79.95 qualifies you for commissions as people join.
Where can you operate a global business, with a huge potential for so little.
Andy C.
Share this article with your friends. Fund someone's dream.
Leave a comment below or share on the left and you'll help support entrepreneurs in Africa through our partnership with Kiva. Over $50,000 raised and counting - Please keep sharing! Learn more.
by: Dave Kurlan, Sales Assessment Expert
Learning From Experience: Opportunities & Constraints
Introvert Myth - Are Introverts Aloof Or Something Better?
Website Navigation: Heart of Web Design
The Gravity of Failure
MLM Businesses: What Is The Deciding Factor In Your Success In MLM
Get advice & tips from famous business
owners, new articles by entrepreneur
experts, my latest website updates, &
special sneak peaks at what's to come!
LISTENING SKILLS IN COACHING
Induction – your first management job
Severance and Separation Agreements
Email us your ideas on how to make our
website more valuable! Thank you Sharon
from Toronto Salsa Lessons / Classes for
your suggestions to make the newsletter
look like the website and profile younger
entrepreneurs like Jennifer Lopez.