Caring for Aging Parents: How Do I Know the Right Thing to Do?

Guest post by: Barbara E. Friesner
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Elder Caregiving: How to Help Family Members with Denial - By Barbara E. Friesner

I get asked this question a lot from my Generational Coaching clients: When making decisions for my aging parent, how do I know what is the right thing to do? The first question you will always ask is "What is in the best interest of my aging loved one"?

Great way to figure out what is in the best interest of your loved one is by asking yourself these 2 questions (which are also your goals):

~ Will this solution make him/her safe (safer)?

~ Will this solution help maintain or improve his/her health?

(By the way, keep these 2 questions in mind because everything else that follows will be about providing these 2 goals.)

But what do you do when you have several solutions that are equally acceptable?

1) If your elderly parent is involved in the conversation, their preference should be the deciding factor.

2) If they're not a part of the conversation, then look at what was agreed upon with your sibs - which should have been established before getting started.

Some examples:

The family member who puts in the most caregiving time should be the one to have the final say regarding caregiving decisions.

The one handling all the finances should be the one to make all the financial decisions.

No decision are made unless all family members agree.

(See the chapter on working with siblings in "The Ultimate Caregiver's Success System" for lots of other examples).

I've been wishing people a "happy new decade" because it's a dramatic thing to say. It was pointed out to me, however, that 2010 is not the start of a new decade. 2011 is. (Didn't we have this conversation in 1999?) (When I Googled "Is 2010 the start of a new decade", 37,100,000 results came up so there is a lot of discussion and everyone has an opinion!)

I have also spent a lot of time in the past few months trying to decide what I should call this year. Should it be "two thousand ten" or "twenty ten". (This must be a very important decision for me because when I say "a lot", I mean a lot! But then, what do you think about when you're cleaning?) Anyway . . . I have finally decided to use "two thousand ten" when I say it and "twenty ten" when I write it. I've found it is easier to write the correct year that way.

The reason I mention all this (because let's face it, there would need to be a pretty good reason to admit how weird I am!) is that there are often 2 ways to look at something. Some answers are obviously right. Some obviously wrong. Others not so much. The good news is that when you're making an eldercare decision, using these questions will bring the issue into focus and help you come up with the right decision.

Barbara Friesner

Generational Coach

AgeWiseLiving

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Elder Caregiving: How to Help Family Members with Denial - By Barbara E. Friesner

About the Author: Barbara E. Friesner

RSS for Barbara E.'s articles - Visit Barbara E.'s website
Senior Care Consultant, Barbara E. Friesner, creator of The Ultimate Caregiver's Success System, is an expert on issues affecting Seniors and their families. Barbara hosted her own radio talk show - Age Wise Living - on VoiceAmerica/Variety.com, and has been featured on NY1 TV's "Focus on Seniors", "Coping With Care giving" and on radio shows regarding senior care across the country.
In addition to her FREE weekly Senior care newsletter filled with tips for taking care of the elderly, Barbara is the Eldercare Expert and writes a monthly senior care guide column for the National Association of Baby Boomer Women. In addition, Barbara has been quoted in newspapers and magazines throughout the US.

For over 25 years as a senior care manager, first for her grandmother and for the past 17 years for her mother (with dementia), Barbara learned firsthand how overwhelming, stressful, and time consuming senior care can be. As a result, Barbara started AgeWiseLiving to help others navigate through this challenging time, and avoid the emotional and frustrating task of finding the answers themselves and trial-and-error implementation.

Barbara has collaborated with hundreds of family members who are providing senior care, professionals with Senior clients, and employees of Assisted Living communities to help them successfully build relationships and address critical senior care issues.

As an adjunct professor at Cornell University, Barbara created and taught "Seniors Housing Management" at the School of Hotel Administration. Prior to starting AgeWiseLiving, Barbara was the Director of Education & Development for Loews Corporation and Dean of Loews University. She received her Master of Business Administration from Boston University.

Click here to visit Barbara E.'s website.

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