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Communication that Works with Aging Parent or Older Clients

Written by: Barbara E. Friesner

Article Overview: Do you want to open the lines of communication with your parents? Do you sell products or services to seniors and want the most effective communication possible?

Communication that Works with Aging Parent or Older Clients

Do you want to open the lines of communication with your parents? Do you sell products or services to seniors and want the most effective communication possible? As one of my clients said to me, "When it comes to communication, men may be from Mars and women may be from Venus, but I think my parents are from an alternate universe!" The funny thing is, this statement is not far from the truth. Baby Boomers were born at a time of unprecedented prosperity. Their parents lived through the Great Depression. The two generations look at the world very differently.

Many are unaware of the profound impact of the Great Depression. But understanding this terrible and deeply traumatic time is key to understanding those who survived the Depression, because it shaped their attitudes about so many important aspects of their lives.

Some relevant facts:

• The stock market crash of 1929 marks the beginning of the Great Depression.

• In 1930, 1,300 banks failed, including the Bank of the United States. Since this was before the Federal Government was insuring deposits, most who had their money in banks lost it all.

• In the beginning of 1931 the unemployment rate was 3%. By the end of 1931, the unemployment rate was 25%. Those who didn't lose jobs saw their incomes drop in half.

• Men were primarily breadwinners. Their "job" was to support their families, and was how they defined themselves.

• By 1932, 20,000 children were in institutions and another 200,000 were abandoned, on the streets, or sent to live with relatives or strangers, because their parents were unable to feed or clothe them.

• By 1934, two-fifths of homeowners lost their homes.

• Women were primarily homemakers and mothers, and that was how they defined themselves.

SAVE FOR TOMORROW

The Depression taught them to save for a rainy day They lived at a time when every tomorrow could be rainy. It is not surprising, then, that the older generation tends to save everything, even scraps of paper, aluminum foil, and plastic bags (waste not, want not). They fix rather than toss. And World War II taught them to sacrifice for the future.

Having experienced a major stock market crash, those that lived through the Depression tend to believe that investing in the stock market is as risky as gambling. Those who do invest tend to prefer the safety of "Blue Chip" stocks and government bonds. For many, their homes are sacrosanct and a legacy for their children. Even programs such as reverse mortgages may be perceived as putting that legacy in jeopardy. Depression-era survivors also tend to be private and proud, often refusing to discuss personal things such as their health or finances.

LIVE FOR TODAY

Baby Boomers, on the other hand, have never known a really rainy day. As a result, they tend to buy on credit (Spend today, let tomorrow take care of itself), toss rather than fix, and will talk about anything no matter how private. And, unlike their parents, many of whom have lived in the same home their entire adult lives, Baby Boomers move their nest with ease.

So you see, when it comes to money, home, and family, we really are opposites! This can make it difficult to establish and/or maintain a close relationship. But knowing the essential differences between the generations, the road to improved communication becomes much smoother.

Here are a few tips to opening the lines of communication:

Let them know they are valued.

Talk with older family members and invite them to share their experiences. This is the best way to understand and respect what they went through, what they worked for, with all the sacrifices along the way. It's also the best way to appreciate their feelings about their homes, family, and finances.

Let them know you are interested.

Encourage older family members to talk about their growing-up years and family relationships. Not only is it interesting but it will also provide you with valuable information that can be useful later when you start making care decisions. You will have learned a lot and you will have opened the lines of communication in a way that's non-threatening for either of you.

Find a fun topic that will get your loved one talking and start now. The earlier you start, the more time you will have to establish trust and improve communication before you have to talk about serious topics.

An afternoon spent looking at family pictures, creating a family tree, or going through "treasures" in the attic together can be enjoyable and enlightening for members of both generations. For a wonderful story and an insightful look at the Depression-era generation, rent the movie Avalon by Barry Levinson to watch with them.

See things from their point of view.

If you are selling a product or service to seniors, you will probably be more successful if you show value: how what they are buying will save or protect their money so they will have more for that rainy day or more to leave to their children.

Barbara Friesner

AgeWiseLiving LLC

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Article Tags: aging parents, caregiving, dad, effective communication, elder care, family, generational coaching, Great Depression, mom, parents, seniors



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