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Keeping in Touch: How to Avoid Return to Sender
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| Guest post by: Barbara E. Friesner |
Article Overview: I've always been a big postcard sender and this vacation was no exception! Watching me write the cards, one of the friends with whom I was traveling, a woman in her 80's, mentioned how sad it is that she's lost contact with many of her friends over the past several years. She said she doesn't know if her friends are sick, have passed away, or moved, and she doesn't know how to find out.
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Free Download - Elder Caregiving: How to Help Family Members with Denial By Barbara E. Friesner |
Keeping in Touch: How to Avoid Return to Sender
I've always been a big postcard sender and this
vacation was no exception! Watching me write the cards, one of
the friends with whom I was traveling, a woman in her 80's, mentioned
how sad it is that she's lost contact with many of her friends
over the past several years. She said she doesn't know if her
friends are sick, have passed away, or moved, and she doesn't
know how to find out.
Two of the most common reasons she hasn't heard from them are 1) physical or cognitive issues have made it impossible for her friends to communicate; and 2) her friends moved and forget to tell anyone; told only their closest friends and forgot to tell their "extended" friends such as people on their holiday card list; or was unhappy about the move and wasn't ready to tell anyone. Unfortunately, when they do want to communicate, often the contact information is lost.
It's easier now to locate old friends through the internet but that's not always possible, especially if the friend has moved into a senior community or nursing home and no longer has an address or phone in their own name. If your aging parent is about to make a move, you can help them avoid losing contact by placing the address book and/or holiday card list with other important papers and moving those separately.
Ideally, after the move, your elderly parent can and will contact their friends on their own. If not, however, you may want to do it for them. With so much to think about when helping an aging parent make a move, this may not seem all that important. However, the support of friends can be critical to making the transition easier for your elderly parent, thus making it easier for the family as well. This is true both in the short and the long term.
I had a friend with whom I worked over 30 years ago. Over the years, our correspondence had settled into annual holiday letters. Several years ago, I received a holiday letter - not from my friend but from her niece. She reported that her aunt had suffered a stroke and was now living with her in Texas. She also said that, while her aunt could no longer write herself, she was mentally alert and would love to hear from friends. I sent cards every 3-4 months and received brief updates from her niece about twice a year. Then, several months ago, I received a final group update telling of my friend's passing, adding how much our cards had meant to her aunt.
Contacting your aging parent's friends doesn't have to be time consuming. It can be anything from sending out "new address" postcards to sending out one or more updates a year, such as when there are major changes or at the holidays to setting up a website. Nor do the updates have to be individualized. For example, you can send a letter to your aging parent's social group such as their Rotary Club, their church/synagogue or the senior center and ask that it be posted.
I was pleased how much my cards meant to my friend. I often think about how much her niece's updates meant to me.
Barbara Friesner
AgeWiseLiving LLC
Eldercare Issues Resolved By Choice, Not Crisis
Article Tags: 80s, aging parents, cards, caregiving, dad, elder care, friends, mental alertness, mom, postcard, transitions
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About the Author: Barbara E. Friesner RSS for Barbara E.'s articles - Visit Barbara E.'s website Senior Care Consultant, Barbara E. Friesner, creator of The Ultimate Caregiver's Success System, is an expert on issues affecting Seniors and their families. Barbara hosted her own radio talk show - Age Wise Living - on VoiceAmerica/Variety.com, and has been featured on NY1 TV's "Focus on Seniors", "Coping With Care giving" and on radio shows regarding senior care across the country. In addition to her FREE weekly Senior care newsletter filled with tips for taking care of the elderly, Barbara is the Eldercare Expert and writes a monthly senior care guide column for the National Association of Baby Boomer Women. In addition, Barbara has been quoted in newspapers and magazines throughout the US. For over 25 years as a senior care manager, first for her grandmother and for the past 17 years for her mother (with dementia), Barbara learned firsthand how overwhelming, stressful, and time consuming senior care can be. As a result, Barbara started AgeWiseLiving to help others navigate through this challenging time, and avoid the emotional and frustrating task of finding the answers themselves and trial-and-error implementation. Barbara has collaborated with hundreds of family members who are providing senior care, professionals with Senior clients, and employees of Assisted Living communities to help them successfully build relationships and address critical senior care issues. As an adjunct professor at Cornell University, Barbara created and taught "Seniors Housing Management" at the School of Hotel Administration. Prior to starting AgeWiseLiving, Barbara was the Director of Education & Development for Loews Corporation and Dean of Loews University. She received her Master of Business Administration from Boston University. Click here to visit Barbara E.'s website Become an Organized Caregiver Master the Art of Herding Cats Talking With Your Aging Parents About Planning For the Future Finding A New Job While Caregiving Another Eldercare Issue Hoarding Helping Your Aging Parents Help Themselves Step Two |
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