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Recognizing the Clues to Your Aging Parents' Situation

Guest post by: Barbara E. Friesner

Article Overview: Singing Christmas carols, lighting Hanukkah candles, roasting chestnuts by a roaring fire - things most of us will be doing in the next few weeks. This is also the time of year when we see parents and other aging loved ones that we may not have the opportunity to see the rest of the year.

Recognizing the Clues to Your Aging Parents' Situation

Singing Christmas carols, lighting Hanukkah candles, roasting chestnuts by a roaring fire - things most of us will be doing in the next few weeks. This is also the time of year when we see parents and other aging loved ones that we may not have the opportunity to see the rest of the year. Regardless of how often you talk by phone throughout the year, seeing a loved one in person tells you a lot more than phone calls alone can reveal. The clues are all around you if you know what to look for. And the best part is that you can look around without making it a big deal for you or for your elderly parent.

Here are some things to look for:

Overall:

• Is your loved one clean and well groomed?

• Is s/he properly dressed with clean clothes?

• Has s/he gained or lost significant weight?

• Is s/he walking well (eg: good balance and posture)?

• Do you notice changes to his/her hearing, sight or speech.

• Is s/he is more timid, apprehensive or withdrawn?

• Do you notice a change in short term memory? Does s/he seem confused and/or lose her/his train of thought easily and/or often? Does s/he ask the same questions and/or tell the same stories over and over?

If you go to their home:

• Has the neighborhood changed? Does it look safe?

• Is the exterior of the house maintained?

• Is the interior of the house neat, clean, and well maintained?

• Is the refrigerator stocked with fresh (or at least edible) food?

• Do you notice excessive clutter and things like piles of unopened mail, lots of sweepstakes offers, etc?

• If the home has stairs, can s/he navigate the stairs safely or does it look like s/he is now living on the ground floor because of an inability to navigate the stairs?

What you see can run the gamut from "everything is fine" to "something is definitely wrong". If you see something critical or alarming, obviously you have to take action immediately. If you don't see anything out of the ordinary, then this is a great opportunity to deepen and strengthen the lines of communication.

However, if you see something - or even just sense something - that just doesn't "feel" right but you are not sure of the extent of the issue, you need to dig deeper. Use the opportunity to talk with your aging loved one face to face. Express your concern and gently ask questions about what you have observed.

With family gathered, this is a golden opportunity to get their input on the situation, too. In addition, as opportunities arise, discretely talk with your aging parent's friends and neighbors and see if they have noticed any changes and ask them to let you know if they do. For example:

"You see Mom more often that I do. How do you think she is doing? She seems a little more forgetful (distracted, frail, etc) than usual. Have you noticed it too? Have you noticed if she has been like this for a while? You know I worry about her so if you do see anything, would you please give me a call?"

And remember, if you are concerned that your elderly parent needs help now or may shortly and you don't know how to proceed, I urge you not to wait for a crisis to develop. Please call me toll-free (877) AGE-WISE or email me at Barbara@AgeWiseLiving.com for a complimentary "get acquainted" conversation. I'm here to help!

Barbara Friesner

AgeWiseLiving LLC

Eldercare Issues Resolved by Choice, Not Crisis

Related Articles
  The (Aging) Parent Trap
  Basic Eldercare Realities
  How to Begin the Conversation About Estate Planning
  Elder Caregiving: Oy, The Guilt Already!
  How to have financial conversations with your parents

Article Tags: aging parents, carols lighting, christmas, hanukkah, hanukkah candles, roasting chestnuts, singing christmas carols, time of year



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