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What Exactly Is A Generational Coach?

Guest post by: Barbara E. Friesner

Article Overview: It’s easy to give you “technical” stuff about Generational Coaching . . . ~ That I help family members know what to do and how to do it so that their elderly parents will willingly do what’s in their best interest; ~ That I work only with the family members, never the senior; ~ That all Generational Coaching is by phone; ~ And that I work with one person – or several people – by conference call so they will work together to confront the issues – not each other.

What Exactly Is A Generational Coach?

It's easy to give you "technical" stuff about Generational Coaching . . .

~ That I help family members know what to do and how to do it so that their elderly parents will willingly do what's in their best interest;

~ That I work only with the family members, never the senior;

~ That all Generational Coaching is by phone;

~ And that I work with one person - or several people - by conference call so they will work together to confront the issues - not each other.

All important information but it hardly does the job. So I picked 3 cases that are pretty typical of the hundreds I've worked on over the years that I think will give you a better understanding of what Generational Coaching is.

1) Alan and his brother Brian's 87-year old father, Dad, lived alone in his own home. After a serious illness, the brothers moved Dad into an assisted living community to recuperate. When escalating health problems made the move permanent, Dad became angry and abusive. Hurt, frustrated, and fed up with Dad's verbal abuse, Brian refused to speak to or help him. Alan, unwilling to abandon Dad, called me - and convinced his brother to join our sessions. In our first session, I helped the brothers understand the reasons for Dad's behavior, and Brian agreed to re-engage. We created scripts for them to use to talk with Dad to help him get over his anger and embrace the fact that this assisted living community was his new home. By the end of the 9 sessions we worked together, Dad finally unpacked his suitcases, joined a woodworking group, and finalized his legal and financial arrangements, which allowed the brothers to sell the house and pay Dad's bills.

2) Ann's Mom became increasingly unable to take care of herself or her home but refused to allow in-home help and/or home-delivered meal service. As a result, for two years, Ann visited every few days to cook meals and spent almost every weekend doing chores. Although free transportation was available for seniors, Mom refused to use it, which meant that Ann also had to take Mom to numerous appointments. Increasingly distracted and/or absent from work, Ann feared her job was in jeopardy, but her pleas for Mom's cooperation fell on deaf ears. Overwhelmed and resentful, Ann called me. We started by looking for substitutes for Ann's efforts. We also created exercises she and Mom could do together to demonstrate to Mom how other options would better address her needs. Working with Ann for less than 2 months, Mom accepted in-home help, goes daily to the local senior center via community transportation and now both lives are back on track.

3) Cheryl, Christopher, and Curt's Mom has become increasingly forgetful since her husband's death and they are very concerned about her continuing to live alone. All three of them spoke to her about moving into an assisted living community but within hours, Mom had forgotten they had even had a conversation. All 3 siblings want what's best for Mom but were at their wits end figuring out what that is when they called me. The 3 sibs and I worked together for 1 month and now Mom is safely - and happily - in an assisted living community.

Thought you'd also like to read a few of the thank you comments I've gotten:

• "I never thought my father would agree to move into an assisted living home but he did! And I never, ever thought my brothers and I could work together. But we did - and are even closer now than every before. You anticipated everything so I knew just what to do and say every step of the way. You made it so easy! Thank you!" Gayle Morris, Houston, TX

• "As you know, I called you just before seeing a divorce lawyer. It was the best call I ever made. After just 2 months working with you, my wife and I finally have her mother's and my father's issues organized and under control. And all of our assorted siblings are finally working together toward the same goal." George Stein, Bellingham, WA

• "I struggled for 2 years with my mother's dementia and never felt I was getting a handle on how to take care of her. Thanks to you, it's finally under control. I just wish I'd called you sooner! Thank you!" Anne Walker, Denver, CO

• "It works! And the best part is that I'm using what you taught me to deal with things before they become problems. I can't thank you enough, Barbara. I'm no longer overwhelmed!" Sage Holbrook, Hartford, CT

Now you know what Generational Coaching is, so if you are concerned about your aging parent and you don't know how to proceed, I urge you not to wait for a crisis to develop. Even if you think that your issue is so unique that it will be impossible to resolve, or that your parent is way too stubborn, or that you and your sibs will never be able to work together, please contact me for a complimentary "get acquainted" conversation. Believe me when I say we make it happen! I don't want you to have to do this alone.

Barbara Friesner

Generational Coach

AgeWiseLiving LLC

Eldercare Issues Resolved by Choice, Not Crisis

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Article Tags: best interest, caregiving, coach, crisis, elder care, elderly parents, family, family members, generational coach, siblings



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