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I'm Dying -- But Not to Worry

Written by: Brad Swift

Article Overview: What a way to start off an article -- "I'm dying but not to worry." Well, it's because as I approach my 60th Birthday I have noticed a new relationship evolving to life and to death. It started when I heard this past week that Dom DeLuise had died at the age of 75, and for the first time, I counted up the difference between his age and mine. And even though I'm not the greatest at math, it only took me a few minutes to figure out the difference was only 15 years.

I'm Dying -- But Not to Worry

What a way to start off an article -- "I'm dying but not to worry."  Well, it's because as I approach my 60th Birthday I have noticed a new relationship evolving to life and to death.

It started when I heard this past week that Dom DeLuise had died at the age of 75, and for the first time, I counted up the difference between his age and mine. And even though I'm not the greatest at math, it only took me a few minutes to figure out the difference was only 15 years.

And that's when it hit me.  I'm dying.  And so are you, and so is the rest of the world.  The moment we come into this life, with each moment we come closer to our death.  Of course, we don't relate to it like that for much of our life.

I shared with my 17-year old daughter, Amber, my 'first' of counting the difference between Dom's age at death and my current age.  She looked at me like I was from planet Mars, which really is OK.  After all, she's 17, and while there's no guarantee that she'll live for many more decades the odds are in her favor.  Much more in her favor of living another 50, 60, or more years than in my favor that I'll live that much longer.

So, I'm dying, and not to worry.  I'm not worried.  I'm finding I like this new relationship to life and death. I'm so much more appreciative of every minute of the day, even the minutes when something isn't going along with my preferences.  Even those moments are deeply appreciated because they prove to me that I'm still alive even while also being aware that I'm dying.

Now, you might ask what does this have to do with living a life on purpose.  Well, a lot.  Because living a life on purpose is all about enhancing our time here on planet Earth.  While it's not about alleviating all suffering, it is about minimizing the suffering by eliminating that portion which is unnecessary, which I believe is a large portion.

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Is There Suffering On Purpose - Maybe So

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For example, when my mother died about 14 years ago, I moaned her loss for several days, and then to a lesser degree for a few weeks. Truth be told, I wouldn't want to eliminate that process of grieving and letting go.  Again, it helped me to appreciate my life that much more.

One of the most tender moments of my life was the morning I learned the news of my mom's death and I had to inform Amber, who was not quite 3-years old.  I remember the exact room we were in as I bent down to her level and held her on my knee.  I remember, tearing up and struggling with the words, and her small arms surrounding my neck and her soft voice saying, "It's OK, Daddy. It'll be OK."  And how surprised I was that it was she who comforted me instead of the other way around.

No, I wouldn't want to eliminate any of those moments from my memory.

But then there's all the unnecessary worry, struggle and fearful thinking that doesn't add one iota to the quality of our life.  And when I'm present to the fact that I'm dying...that my life here on this physical plane is temporary and fleeting, it puts all that 'stuff' in perspective. Like the book that was so popular a few years ago, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff -- and It's All Small Stuff." 

So, living a life on purpose is about living life so at the end of it, you can look back with a minimum of regret, knowing that you lived a life that was true to your core values, to your vision for what's possible, and true to the essence of who you really are.

It's about knowing that you were the best you you could be, and that you did the best you could, and that your presence in life contributed in some way to the overall life on Earth.  So, let's all celebrate our lives as we draw nearer to whatever is next.

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Article Tags: 60th birthday, few minutes, math, relationship



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Re: Stay happy everyone - Thanks for that Evan, your post reminded me of that song 'Don't Worry Be Happy' by Bobby McFerrin which I was shocked to learn was a hit in 1988, seems like yesterday, regards, Mal.
Ladies Who Launch Profile: Heidi Flammang - Heidi Flammang Top Dog, Camp Bow Wow When one of the country's first doggy day cares opened next door to her dad's business, Heidi Flammang and her husband, Bion, would sneak over to hang out with the dogs. They fell in love with the concept—and the dogs—and were soon making trades of services with the owner to have their own dogs stay there. When the owner of that business wasn't interested in franchising, Heidi and her husband started brainstorming and the business plan for Camp Bow Wow was born. They were searching for their first location when Bion was killed in a plane crash, in 1994. Heidi received a $1 million insurance settlement after his death, and in the following years attempted a number of ventures, including a financial consulting business to help others handle sudden wealth. But Camp Bow Wow was never far from her mind. In 2000, with the help and encouragement of her brother, she dusted off that old business plan and set out to bring her and Bion's dream to life. Within weeks she had found her first location, and from that point on she never looked back. Camp Bow Wow has now sold more than 205 franchises, 125 of which will be open by the end of the year. It is the premier upscale doggy day care and boarding company, and is expected to generate $18 million in systemwide sales in 2008. What we learned from Heidi: To persevere and never lose sight of your dreams. Heidi was a young widow who tried financial consulting, pharmaceutical sales, and launching a high-end baby-bedding catalog before coming full circle to find success with the idea that she'd loved all along. Not Just Fun and Games "A lot of people come into this business thinking how fun it's going to be to hang out with dogs all day. But we are taking care of people's furry children, all day and night, 365 days a year! It is an all-consuming business and you have to know so much more than people think—everything from dog behavior to disease management, in addition to the nuts and bolts of running a business. We get franchisees from so many different backgrounds and they all have a love of dogs in common, but we have to teach them to be businesspeople and to market the business and not just focus on the dogs. It's a challenge to find people who want to make it a real moneymaker and not just a labor of love." Getting the Word Out "We receive a lot of leads on possible new franchisees through word of mouth from our existing franchisees and open Camps. Also, we've been featured on AOL's main page, Donny Deutsch's The Big Idea, in Pink magazine, and in some other great media outlets, and we advertise in the airline magazines and do quite a bit on the Internet, utilizing our Web site as a marketing tool. All of these have been great resources." 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Networking Is Not Just For the Dogs "People in the dog-boarding business are very protective, so it's not as easy to network and meet people with like businesses as it might be in other industries. I found great mentors at the International Franchise Association, other people who had been there and done that in terms of franchising. I'm very involved with that group and work to champion other women entrepreneurs. I'm also part of a CEO support group called Vistage. There are 12 of us in the group who meet for a day once a month and it's extremely valuable, but I am the only woman in the group. So I also have an informal group of women who I meet with in Denver to share professional successes and disasters. Women are just so much more open to that type of dialogue." Like Mother, Like Daughter "I'm writing a book about starting and running a successful woman-owned business called Tales From the Bark Side. 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I really strive to live in the now, focus on solutions that are in the moment, and not worry too much about things that may never happen." Recommended Reading "My favorite dog book is Marley & Me. But I have two business books that I find invaluable: The E Myth Revisited (a fantastic book to help you figure out whether you have the right personality and skill mix to be an entrepreneur) and The Question Behind the Question (a great management book about instilling personal accountability in your people)." Parting Thoughts ... "I will retire when ... every dog has a home." "My greatest strength in business is ... my flexibility." "My dream is ... to give back as much as I get from my life. I have been so blessed with so many things and I want to respect the universe and give back." This featured lady was profiled by Noelle Pechar Hale, a freelance writer living in Los Angeles.


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