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Playing the Big R Game

Guest post by: Brad Swift

Article Overview: What is one of people's greatest fears -- the fear of dying? Of public speaking? Spiders? The I.R.S.? Sure, many people share these fears, but the one I'd like to explore today I believe is larger than all of these put together. It's the fear of REJECTION -- the Big R. And while a lot of people in sales struggle to overcome this fear every day, no one is immune. Let's face it, one of our greatest desires is to be accepted and loved. And often times, being rejected feels like the exact opposite. So, how might we overcome this innate fear of rejection? How about a little 'purposeful play' to lighten the load. Here's a game I created over twenty years ago that served me well then and with a little modification, a number of other times.

Playing the Big R Game

What is one of people's greatest fears -- the fear of dying? Of public speaking? Spiders? The I.R.S.? Sure, many people share these fears, but the one I'd like to explore today I believe is larger than all of these put together. It's the fear of REJECTION -- the Big R. And while a lot of people in sales struggle to overcome this fear every day, no one is immune. Let's face it, one of our greatest desires is to be accepted and loved. And often times, being rejected feels like the exact opposite. So, how might we overcome this innate fear of rejection? How about a little 'purposeful play' to lighten the load. Here's a game I created over twenty years ago that served me well then and with a little modification, a number of other times. Back when I was breaking into becoming a professional freelance writer I created the Big R Game. The object of the game was simple: Collect 100 rejection letters as fast as I could while writing as well as I could. These letters, commonly known as query letters, were written to magazine editors pitching my freelance writing services and ideas I had for writing articles for them. Why you might ask would I want to play a game with the results being rejection? Here's why. I knew that rejection was a part of the profession (as it is with just about all professions and all of life). But I also knew in collecting 100 rejection letters I would be accomplishing two other important things: 1. Writing query letters, and 2. Submitting them to editors Truth be told I think I got to about 50-60 when I declared the game complete because by that time I had plenty of paying assignments, and the game had accomplished what I ultimately wanted from it. ================= What Could Your Big R Game Be? ================= So, where might you create your own Big R Game? While it lends itself well to business matters, it can also be adapted to other areas of life. For example, what if you're single and you have a commitment to be in a "committed, romantic relationship." (Which is one of the first phrases I heard Ann share over 22 years ago which prompted me to sit beside her in the workshop we were in....but that's a story for another time.) Now, there might be some preliminary work you want to do, as there was for my magazine writing project. You see, I knew there were certain kinds of articles I wanted to write and certain kinds of magazines for whom I wanted to write. So, you might first want to create a list of qualities and attributes of your ideal partner...and then start your Big R Game. How many people could you ask to introduce you to someone with these qualities, as well as people you might meet and ask to get to know better. Gulp? You mean I have to ask someone on a date? Probably so. But remember, the object of the game is to get a NO/rejection while playing the game to the best of your ability which would include asking out those people you feel might be a good match. But if asking someone out is too big a step, start a smaller game -- maybe to share your desire to be in a committed romantic relationship with ten people. The main point is to start playing. You may find, as I did, that the more "Big R's" you collect the less charge they have. So, what Big R game will you create this week to move your life on purpose forward?

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Article Tags: desires, fear of rejection, fears, game, innate fear, overcoming fear



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