Quit Trying to Change Your Life
Quit Trying to Change Your Life
My heart went out to this troubled soul who wrote:
"I've come to the point that I believe in nothing, my self esteem is in the gutter, and I don't know what to do with the rest of my life. changing careers and going back to school just seems too daunting. I need the line of work that I'm in to pay the mortgage even though I think I'd rather be doing something else."
So I wrote back:
"My heart goes out to you. It really does.
I'm wondering though -- are you ready to do something about your situation? I know this may sound overly dramatic or confronting but I'm going to ask it anyway. Have you suffered enough in your present stuck place to do something that will be effective in moving forward?
I know how daunting these dark night of the soul experiences can be. If you don't believe I know, download the book excerpt from my home page and read the intro. I also know that we all have different 'thresholds of pain' and until we reach our limit, it's tough to make any real or lasting difference.
Are you there yet?"
Perhaps I was too much on the ruthless end and didn't balance it with enough compassion, but to date I've not heard back. But I've kept this person in my prayers, and just this past week I read the following coaching joke online:
How many coaches does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer:
One. But the light bulb has to want to change.
Kind of cute, yet in another sense it's no laughing matter. Change is tough for a lot of people. But is there a way to make it just a little bit easier...maybe even a lot easier?
Maybe it's time to quit trying to change your life, and begin to create it instead.
===============
The Creative Tension of the Gap
===============
The number one 'coaching tip' I would offer to our friend who finds himself quagmired in his life right now, and anyone else wanting to make changes but not knowing how would be to shift the frame from 'wondering how to change' to asking the question:
"What do I want to create?" As Robert Fritz points out in his book, The Path of Least Resistance: Learning to Become the Creative Force in Your Own Life, it is a vitally important question to ask.
When you ask it, it begins to move you out of the circumstances of your life and into a new future. You see, as long as you're stuck in the circumstances -- "I hate my job but can't afford to quit, I'm not getting along with my spouse, I don't know what to do with my life, etc. then the best you can hope to do is to get creative with your problem solving. And problem solving, even creative problem solving isn't creating. From Fritz:
"When you are solving a problem, you are taking action to have something go away: the problem. When you are creating, you are taking action to have something come into being: the creation. Notice that the intentions of these actions are opposite."
So, what do you want to create in your life? Step out of the current circumstances of your life, whatever they may be, and step into the future, and create a visionary reality for yourself. What do you want to create your life to be like? Don't worry about the 'how to' at this point. Just have fun creating. To spark the flame of your creativity, ask yourself the question:
"If money, time, talent and resources were unlimited who would I be and what would I create my life to be like?"
Sit with this question in meditation and prayer. Talk with your loved ones about it, ponder upon it, write about it. Have fun with it. Don't worry if at first nothing comes up clearly. Often times our creative dream machine needs a little oiling. Just hang in with it for awhile and see what begins to be born.
==============
A Few Purposeful Pointers
==============
Here are a few suggestions for making your visionary reality a tool for attracting the resources that will make the vision a reality:
1- Imagine you've stepped into the future when your life is really working and then describe what you see. Include what it feels like, smells like, and even tastes like. Since you're standing in the future as you describe it, write it in the present tense.
2- Make it as detailed and multi-sensory as you can. Swing out and really have fun with the description.
3- Focus on what's present rather than what's no longer present. For example, rather than writing, "I'm no longer feeling stuck in a job I hate," try writing, "I love the work I'm now able to do that not only provides me with plenty of money for all my needs. It also allows me to express my creativity and make a real difference in the world." Can you feel the difference.
Quit Trying to Change Your Life - To learn more about this author, visit Brad Swift's Website.
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Several weeks ago I received the following message from one of our readers.
My heart went out to this troubled soul who wrote:
"I've come to the point that I believe in nothing, my self esteem is in the gutter, and I don't know what to do with the rest of my life. changing careers and going back to school just seems too daunting. I need the line of work that I'm in to pay the mortgage even though I think I'd rather be doing something else."
So I wrote back:
"My heart goes out to you. It really does.
I'm wondering though -- are you ready to do something about your situation? I know this may sound overly dramatic or confronting but I'm going to ask it anyway. Have you suffered enough in your present stuck place to do something that will be effective in moving forward?
I know how daunting these dark night of the soul experiences can be. If you don't believe I know, download the book excerpt from my home page and read the intro. I also know that we all have different 'thresholds of pain' and until we reach our limit, it's tough to make any real or lasting difference.
Are you there yet?"
Perhaps I was too much on the ruthless end and didn't balance it with enough compassion, but to date I've not heard back. But I've kept this person in my prayers, and just this past week I read the following coaching joke online:
How many coaches does it take to change a light bulb?
Answer:
One. But the light bulb has to want to change.
Kind of cute, yet in another sense it's no laughing matter. Change is tough for a lot of people. But is there a way to make it just a little bit easier...maybe even a lot easier?
Maybe it's time to quit trying to change your life, and begin to create it instead.
===============
The Creative Tension of the Gap
===============
The number one 'coaching tip' I would offer to our friend who finds himself quagmired in his life right now, and anyone else wanting to make changes but not knowing how would be to shift the frame from 'wondering how to change' to asking the question:
"What do I want to create?" As Robert Fritz points out in his book, The Path of Least Resistance: Learning to Become the Creative Force in Your Own Life, it is a vitally important question to ask.
When you ask it, it begins to move you out of the circumstances of your life and into a new future. You see, as long as you're stuck in the circumstances -- "I hate my job but can't afford to quit, I'm not getting along with my spouse, I don't know what to do with my life, etc. then the best you can hope to do is to get creative with your problem solving. And problem solving, even creative problem solving isn't creating. From Fritz:
"When you are solving a problem, you are taking action to have something go away: the problem. When you are creating, you are taking action to have something come into being: the creation. Notice that the intentions of these actions are opposite."
So, what do you want to create in your life? Step out of the current circumstances of your life, whatever they may be, and step into the future, and create a visionary reality for yourself. What do you want to create your life to be like? Don't worry about the 'how to' at this point. Just have fun creating. To spark the flame of your creativity, ask yourself the question:
"If money, time, talent and resources were unlimited who would I be and what would I create my life to be like?"
Sit with this question in meditation and prayer. Talk with your loved ones about it, ponder upon it, write about it. Have fun with it. Don't worry if at first nothing comes up clearly. Often times our creative dream machine needs a little oiling. Just hang in with it for awhile and see what begins to be born.
==============
A Few Purposeful Pointers
==============
Here are a few suggestions for making your visionary reality a tool for attracting the resources that will make the vision a reality:
1- Imagine you've stepped into the future when your life is really working and then describe what you see. Include what it feels like, smells like, and even tastes like. Since you're standing in the future as you describe it, write it in the present tense.
2- Make it as detailed and multi-sensory as you can. Swing out and really have fun with the description.
3- Focus on what's present rather than what's no longer present. For example, rather than writing, "I'm no longer feeling stuck in a job I hate," try writing, "I love the work I'm now able to do that not only provides me with plenty of money for all my needs. It also allows me to express my creativity and make a real difference in the world." Can you feel the difference.
Quit Trying to Change Your Life - To learn more about this author, visit Brad Swift's Website.
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Cheryl MatthynssensCheryl is a life skills coach, licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor and a 20 year entrepreneur. Cheryl's dedication to achieving a life of balance led to her expanding her teaching from the simple managing of life's daily challenges to adding financial well being as well. A direct marketer with DrinkACT, she is gaining ground in the online community with her concepts of making sure business owners, entreprenuers and employees have well rounded life styles. She opened up a small affiliate site - The Balance Guide- to help others find resources for mental and emotional well being. Visit Cheryl's blog to see more of the diversity beyond business she has began offering online at www.thebalanceguide.blogspot.com - Visit Cheryl Matthynssens's Website |
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Leanne Hoagland-SmithAre your sales where you want them to be? Will you be one of the few who achieves sales or business success or one of the many who have failed to change? Are you tired of being told you are like everyone else? Then you may find my first book on sales of interest. Be the Red Jacket in the Sea of Gray Suits, The Keys to Unlocking Sales available at Amazon or at http://www.processspecialist.com/red-jacket.htm. This book is a reflection of my no-nonsense approach to improving sales to overall business results. If you are truly committed to making sustainable changes, then I can help you secure a positive return on your investment because I focus on executable solutions not telling you the problems you already know you have. From training to corporate (group) coaching to executive one on one coaching, my approach is to assess, create awareness, build a goal driven action plan and then execute. The bottom line question is "Not do you or your employees know it, but do you or they want to do it?" Please call for a free strategy session at 219.759.5601. - Visit Leanne Hoagland-Smith's Website |
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Anne BarrAnne Barr has over 26 years experience in sales and marketing, six years as a franchisee. She has assisted over 367 business owners and purchasers to achieve their goals in career change, transition and exit strategy. She holds the designation of Certified Franchise Executive from the International Franchise Association, Certified Business Intermediary from the International Business Brokers Association and Board Certified Broker from the Texas Association of Business Brokers. Anne is active in professional organizations, networking groups and volunteers for non-profit entities. As owner/operator of four successful businesses, Anne has proven people skills and enjoys helping clients find the right "fit" in business ownership. Visit www.FranchiseOpportunitySpecialist.com for more information about me and my company. - Visit Anne Barr's Website |
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Dave KurlanDave Kurlan is the founder and CEO of Objective Management Group, Inc., the industry leader in sales assessments and sales force evaluations, and the CEO of David Kurlan & Associates, Inc., a consulting firm specializing in sales force development. Dave has been a top rated speaker at Inc. Magazine's Conference on Growing the Company, the Sales & Marketing Management Conference and the Gazelles Sales & Marketing Summit. He has been featured on radio and TV, including World Business Review with General Norman Schwarzkopf, in Inc. Magazine, Selling Power Magazine, Sales & Marketing Management Magazine and Incentive Magazine. He is the author of Mindless Selling and Baseline Selling – How to Become a Sales Superstar by Using What You Already Know about the Game of Baseball. He created and wrote STAR, a proprietary recruiting process for hiring great salespeople, and he writes Understanding the Sales Force, a popular business Blog and is a contributing author to The Death of 20th Century Selling and 101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Volume 2. - Visit Dave Kurlan's Website |
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George LudwigGeorge Ludwig is a recognized authority on sales strategy and peak performance psychology. An international speaker, trainer, and corporate consultant, he helps clients like Johnson & Johnson, Abbott Laboratories, Northwestern Mutual, CIGNA, and numerous others improve sales force effectiveness and performance. Though it's George's strategies and processes that help corporations increase productivity and performance, it's his tremendous energy and dynamism that spark the transformation. Again and again, clients remark on his amazing ability to unleash human capacity and inspire men and women to break out of their comfort zones. The result is a whole new type of salesperson. His customized presentations teach achievers to make stunning advances in their lives. From helping salespeople realize cherished dreams to helping corporations exponentially accelerate revenue streams, George Ludwig leaves audiences and individuals empowered, emboldened, and clamoring for more. George is the best-selling author of Power Selling: Seven Strategies for Cracking the Sales Code and Wise Moves: 60 Quick Tips to Improve Your Position in Life & Business. - Visit George Ludwig's Website |
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