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How to be more assertive at work

Written by: Talyn McArthur

Article Overview: Assertive at work

How to be more assertive at work

There are many words that the dictionary associates with assertiveness. Some of the words are: Assured, Bold, Confident, Certain, Decisive. An interesting note in the dictionary is "authoritarian is tyrannical while authoritative is respectful."

Being assertive in about recognizing one's strength and being able to communicate these strengths. It is about knowing where you stand and not compromising. Truly assertive people do not fear what others think of them . The benefit of being assertive (as opposed to an intolerable authoritarian) is one's ability to be approachable and respectful. Assertive behaviour is not defensive nor bullying, rather, it allows one to respect oneself and allows one to respect those they are interacting with.

The interesting thing about an assertive person is that they have spent the time to reflect and know their true thought, feelings and opinion about what honors their lives; and because they see the importance of being true to one's self, they respect what is important to others.

Like most skills, assertiveness is a skilled that is learned. Here are some useful tips in becoming assertive and not authoritarian:

• Know thyself: Establish unselfish practices that allow you to question and understand the true motivations for your behaviour. Make changes and acknowledge that this is a life long process.
  
  
• Have Healthy Boundaries: Once you know what works for you and what doesn't, it is important to communicate your boundaries decisively. Whether someone agrees with you or likes you for it; is not your goal. Your goal is to be able to live your best life without being swayed by people pleasing.
  
  
• If it doesn't work for you, say No, thank you.
  
  
• Do not assume: When interacting with others, it is necessary that you understand where they are coming from. This requires that regardless of whether you agree or not, that you let the person express themselves without interruption and when it's you time to speak, make sure that you are clear, specific and uninterrupted
  
  
• Let the good in and let go of all that harms: it is about taking small but significant steps; but it is also important to identify the people/situations that contribute to your well being and those that take away from it. A simple test is to allow yourself to think of spending time with that person or in that situation. Are you excited or not? Why or why not? If changes need to be made: What changes need to be made for you to be able to enjoy yourself in these situations? Is there a need for a conversation about the need for changes or is this a relationship that should be let go of?
  
  
• Be gracious: with yourself and others. Remember you are learning a skill and it might feel unnatural, taking you out of your comfort zone. Remember you are taking a positive step in your personal growth.
  
  

One of my favourite assertive tools is a quote by Elaine Cannon, "There are two important days in a person's life: the day we were born, and the day we find out why."

Related Articles
  Dont Say Yes When You Mean No
  Assert your Skills in Sales
  Practicing Assertiveness
  Ten Tips For Becoming More Self Assertive
  Facets of Assertiveness

Article Tags: assertive behaviour, assertive people, assertive person, assertiveness, benefit, dictionary, feelings, healthy boundaries, interacting with others, li li, motivations



Related Forum Posts
Re: PLEASE JOIN ME . . . . - Hey buddy, no problem. I don't think there will be any voting out or probation or anything like that. I know where you were coming from. I've let excitement get the best of me on forums before. We all do at some point. I was just pointing out that one post on a topic is enough and it doesn't look good for new members coming here when we delete their duplicate posts but allow us mods to get away with it even if we aren't doing it to promote our businesses. No real harm done though. The way to get more members and let everyone know we are here is to promote outside the forum and get people to come here. Once they are here we don't need to be quite so assertive. All members can see all the sections of the forum and post wherever they see fit. Glad to have you on board!
Re: PLEASE JOIN ME . . . . - Hey Trent, I appreciate the advice. I was just sending an invitation to everyone I could. I was introducing myself and OUR objective. I knew this move would be controversial and I apoligized to everyone up front. I'm not hustling the other members for business or Marketing my business. I'm doing this for all of us. I want to build this forum as a team. . . . . Not "my section" but I want to build the Whole forum. We have an incredible team here but we only have 1000 members. I believe that we have so much to offer the world. I believe we have to be more assertive and let the world know we are here. I'm on probation and if you and the team need to vote me out I truly understand that. I take no offense at all....... My personality and the way I build a business is not for everyone. Thanks again Regards Barry
How to develop sales contacts? - You have the best plan going right now....you have to be assertive, and talk to people like people...don't sound to much like a sales person...I have been in corporate sales for over 15 years, I have sold over $15 million dollars in contract sales...here are the keys to selling: 1) Know your product better than your competitor. Not just what it does, but why your brands are better...do a comparison...be the EXPERT! 2) COLD CALL!! You have to put in your time, make your calls, build relationships, and if they tell you to follow up in 3 months, get yourself a great follow-up CRM. $15bucks a month, you can enter all of your prospects, notes, letters, etc..and they have a calendar for follow up calls...keep all your prospects in one place for daily access... 3) Did I mention COLD CALL!!? Also, once you have built your customer base, you then have the opportunity to ask for referrals. Follow-up with your customers every few months to make sure they are happy...especially with CORPORATE customers...the hotel business is a great start, you want the to think of you when they need more TV's!! I call it, "be everywhere."! Stick to corporate sales, you get more for your money...although if you want to sell to individual's try e-bay, or classifieds, but don't waste a ton of time trying to sell 1 tv, sell in BULK! 4) Nothing happens overnight, you have to earn the big money...put in your time, work your A__ off, and give great customer service! GOOD LUCK! Hope this was helpful...
The Celebrity Apprentice - Episode 4 - I've enjoyed watching the show. Kevin, you mentioned something that I've been thinking, too. You said, 'it's always using the quiet "nice girl" as the scapegoat.' Perhaps the nice girl could step up to the plate more, but I see value in that she doesn't try to usurp the leader, she supports her. I've been thinking something similar. Actually, Gene Simmons brought it up last week when he brought Amarosa back. His explanation was that you want to surround yourself with people you trust. It's great to have women who are assertive, but must business be so hard and cold to be effective? No wonder Donald Trump suggested the corporate world is not a nice world. As an ambitious person, I love being around other ambitious people. I find it fun to bargain, debate or bounce ideas off one another. I see no reason to be mean about it though. In fact, I believe we are far MORE productive when we are enjoying what we do and inviting others to enjoy it with us. I also want to have people on my team that I can trust. I'm curious if others really feel you have to be mean to be effective. Would you hire the person with a cold edge that you really can't trust? This type of behavior is creating incredible stress and costing big corporations more money due to low productivity (caused by fatigue and less job satisfaction); more sick days; increased usage of health care dollars; breakdown in the employee's home life which then affects the office life even more negatively; and loss of great employees who are looking elsewhere for a better place to work. It's a pretty high price to pay.
Re: Workaholism May Be Killing You - Hi Evan, Thanks for this post, I found the article very interesting and I do regularly work 12 hours or more but that is a total of my day job then Internet work when I get home, I must say that I agree with Michelle that I only feel that I work at my day job and my Internet work I really enjoy although some nights I go to bed absolutely shattered. There is an old saying that I think I may have used here before but it is something like “If you enjoy what you do then you never do a days work in your life”. If I ever get to the stage when I work form home full time then this would be the case for me because I love this work and would do it full time from home tomorrow if I could. regards, Mal.


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