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Fear and Relationships: Two More Tips for Value Based Networking

Guest post by: Jim Dryburgh

Article Overview: Very often, fear is what keeps us from maximizing our contacts with other people. Human beings are full of fears: fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of looking ignorant or stupid, fear of hearing the word “no.” What you should really be afraid of is missing an opportunity because you didn’t make the contact.

Fear and Relationships: Two More Tips for Value Based Networking

Very often, fear is what keeps us from maximizing our contacts with other people. Human beings are full of fears: fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of looking ignorant or stupid, fear of hearing that four letter word: NO. So, what do we do? We procrastinate, we rationalize: "Oh, he'll never agree to that, why bother asking, he'll just say 'no.'"

Don't let fear keep you from asking. What you must remember is that the thing you should really be afraid of is missing an opportunity because you didn't make the contact.

There is a story from Harvey Mackay that goes like this: In 1990 the then Soviet Premier Mikhail Gorbachev announced plans to visit the United States. Everyone assumed he'd visit Washington, D.C. However, Rudy Perpich, the Governor of Minnesota, thought that perhaps Gorbachev might like to visit some other parts of the country. So he wrote him a letter. And he asked seventy Russian students on the campus at the University of Minnesota to write him letters as well telling him how great it would be for him to see the Heartland of the US.

Perpich asked for the visit, risked being turned down, and to everyone's astonishment, he got what he wanted. For a day in June, Minnesota was able to welcome one of the most influential leaders in modern history.

Now this is a quote from Mackay's book:

"The moral? Never say no for the other guy. Most people avoid risks their whole life by assuming the other guy is going to say no. ... All you have to do is ask. I guarantee you, if you get enough nos, you're bound to get a few yeses. So don't say no for anyone. You never know when you'll create for yourself an opportunity of a lifetime.

Is your focus on short-term gain, or a long term relationship? If it's the former, you're going to have difficulty connecting with people because most folks can detect someone who has a motive or agenda. You must first establish acceptance and a friendship and you do this by taking a genuine interest in other people. Demonstrate through active listening (look it up if you're not sure what that means) that you not only want to get to know them but you want to learn from them. Most people are flattered when someone asks their opinion on anything; people love to share their knowledge and opinions. And ask questions.

The sooner you find something you have in common with the other person, the sooner the connection will occur. It's the common ground that gives you something to talk about with them and you need to be willing to invest the time and effort to uncover the things you may have in common.

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Article Tags: management roles and responsibilities, networking, onboarding process, value based networking, work life balance definition, work life programs
Referred by: http://www.MichelePW.com



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