Speak to Me of Love

Dovid Grossman, a coach and father of nine, recently told me that his father and he had fought constantly through his growing up years. Through it all his mother was the referee. Finally when Dovid was 17 years old he sat down with his father and said, “I want to have a close relationship with you.” He was flabbergasted when his father said, “I’ve tried to do that my whole life but I don’t know how.”

The conversation made a strong impression on me because I too had a stormy relationship with my father. I tell people I had sibling rivalry with my father! Gary Chapman, pastor and marriage counselor, noticed that if you want to truly connect with your loved one you need to know and speak his or her love language. A love language is the way we express our devotion and commitment, and it can be learned or changed to touch the hearts of our partners.

Chapman says there are 5 Love Languages. They are:

Receiving Gifts – Presents and physical tokens of affection move you.

Quality Time – This can be expressed either through those intimate tête-à-tête discussions or via doing things together.

Acts of Service – You prefer to show your love through favors and chores and doing things for others.

Physical Touch – You want to give and/or receive affection physically.

Words of Affirmation – You need to hear praise to know you are loved, and you may also prefer to express your affection verbally. Everyone has a preferred love language.

Most of us just naturally assume that because we like to have love expressed to us in a certain way that the other person wants to have it expressed to him or her in that same way. Now that I think about it my father was a hugger but I preferred going on outings with him and hearing him praise me. It is no wonder that we struggled! Perhaps something similar happened between Dovid and his father.

Gary Chapman has written several books on the topic. One, The Five Love Languages, is for couples; there are also volumes that address men, singles, children and teenagers. Do you make the assumption that your significant other, children, and family all want to hear your feelings of love for them in exactly the same way? Are you interested in “Connecting powerfully on a deep emotional level”? If so then Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages may provide you with the tools to do just that.


Alvah Parker is a Practice Advisor (The Attorneys’ Coach) and a Career Changers’ Coach as well as publisher of "Parker’s Points", an email tip list and "Road to Success", an ezine. Subscribe now to these free monthly publications at her website http://www.asparker.com/samples.html and receive a free values assessment. Work becomes more meaningful and enjoyable when you work from your values. Alvah Parker began her career as a high school chemistry teacher. She later ...

Go Deeper | Website

Want More?

New Graphic
Subscriber Counter