How to Deal with Peoples bad Attitudes


How to Deal with Peoples bad Attitudes

There is a growing volume of research that shows staying positive is better for your health, you can cope better with stress. It’s better for relationships; you keep from judging people and getting into negative talk. It also makes your life more fulfilled; just think of how much of your life is spent working. Being positive, living in the present will give you energy and joy in your life.

But how do you deal with people who are rude or have bad attitude? How do you keep your spirits up when you are surrounded by depressed people or people who complain all the time?

Remember when someone offers a put down, when they cross your boundaries. Your worth comes from you; your being, your true self. They cannot change your intrinsic value unless you let them by giving your power away! Make it clear that what they are doing doesn’t work for you, keep your boundaries and move forward.

Boundaries and standards help us to get more energy from life and not be de-energized by the people or events around us; but sometimes, we still get caught in groups of people who don't respect our boundaries or have different standards from ours.

Dealing with difficult people is ... well, difficult for most of us. Hostile and aggressive people put us on the defensive, cause us anxiety, frustrate our coping skills, and take us out of our comfort zones.

Particularly difficult is when those people are within our family or our spouse's or partner's family or the ex's - it goes on and on. Boundary stomping is likely to happen in anyone's life and it's best to plan ahead to deal with groups of people who don't share or respect our boundaries.

Let others know what your boundaries are regarding scheduling, communication, project commitments, etc. and enforce them. Burden, heaviness, and martyrdom come when you allow your boundaries to be overstepped or vetoed.

6 Step Process

I have trained many of my clients the following six step process in dealing with difficult people. These six steps empower my clients to respond in a professional way and escalate the issue in a controlled approach and massively reduce their level of stress. Fill in the blanks according to your specific situation. You might even want to create a cheat sheet for your purse or wallet.

1. Inform

"Are you aware, that when you ................, I feel ..................."

2. Request

"I request, that you ............."

3. Instruct

"What I need from you instead is to respect me by ................"

4. Warn

"You may never treat me disrespectfully by ........! If you choose to continue, I won't agree to ....... anymore."

5. Demand

"I demand you ....... out of respect for my ..........!"

6. Withdraw

"It's really not okay for me that you're ...... It feels disrespectful to me. I'm open to discussing this with you at a later time if you are interested in continuing to work with me. However, I'm leaving now."

Other Tips

Here are some more ideas for diffusing aggressive behavior and getting your needs met.

- Even if you do deal with life and death, each of us can only do the best we can in each situation. On a regular basis, go outside your normal circles to gain a greater perspective on life. Volunteer at local shelters or with children's groups. Hang out with some different people. Keep rotating this.

- If your identity is too strongly tied to the job you do, that limits your ability to grow and enjoy the ride. Success at work can feel like it's necessary for your survival. Get your needs met outside of work.

- Don't gossip. It only adds negative energy to your life and to the organization.

- Do work you love, of course. It naturally feels lighter than the work you are forcing yourself to do for money or whatever reason.

- Work with people you like. Minimize time with people you don't like. And it's OK not to like some people. Do whatever you need to minimize contact with these people: set boundaries, request to be transferred, etc. You will instantly have more energy and lightness at work.

- Make it a game. Consider life doesn't inherently have meaning. Remember you chose this game, and you might as well enjoy it, or choose another. See it as a big laboratory to experiment, observe and learn from.

- Watch your verbal tone, speed and pitch, body language, and posture. Maintain eye contact. Talking too fast gives away your nervousness in confronting the situation. High pitch and tone comes across as hysteria and emotional, not rational. Eye contact lets the person know that you are expecting resolution.

- Ignore counter-attacks. Avoid responding to the attacks, focus on your message like a broken record. (Nowadays maybe more of a broken CD...)

- Avoid "feeding into" the accusations. You don't need to respond or explain your position; you only need to state it as fact. You want to state your boundaries without having to defend or explain them.

- Subscribe to my monthly newsletter with lots of positive and uplifting thoughts, tips and information for your success at

Final Thoughts

Please be aware that this is a new way of behaving for you and that change doesn't happen immediately, so give yourself enough time to learn how to stand up for yourself and to get your boundaries honored.

As you are learning to stand for yourself you are also teaching other people how you expect them to behave around you, so be persistent in helping them understand what you are asking of them.

The people who really care about you will play and support your efforts towards a more successful way of living; the others will vanish out of your life and that's okay and a part of the process. Later you will be surrounded by caring and loving humans who respect, support and honor you and your boundaries. It's never too late to begin!

Your business, career and life success is my passion!

Karl Ruegg, MBA



Phone: (361) 549-3790


Dr. Karl Ruegg is a Small Business Marketing Strategist and published Author. He can help any Small Business Owner find a minimum of $10,000 in additional revenue in 45 minutes and will do this all for free - guaranteed!

He offers a FREE Video titled "Everything You Know About Marketing Is WRONG!" and his Book is a...

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Have a question for Karl?

Suzi Endrina
17th July 2014 5:39pm
I have always been a pretty positive person, always looking at the bright side, I married my current husband 5 years ago and he is so negative and I feel it rubbing off on me. For the first time I am always negative about everything and this is a horrible way to live. How can I be positive again with the negativity always around
18th July 2014 1:14pm
Dear Suzi, sorry to hear that your current environment is rubbing off on you. I recommend you visit my website and download my free special report. It explains how our 9 environemnts (relationships is one of them) are very powerful, so powerful that having a positive attitude alone will not be enough to turn things around. Please visit and download the report and if you like also enroll in my complimentary online course. Feel free to contact me any time with more questions. To ... Read More

6th December 2014 7:50am
Hi Karl, I own a very small beauty business, we are three people working. One asthetision , one front desk person and my self. Aesthetician has a attitude
problem, one day she will say hello, next day she is quite ignor me , talk with front
desk girl laugh and act like child. I am her boss but she act as if is boss over rule what I say. I don't want to be her friend but I want her to know that I am her boss..
Coach Karl
11th December 2014 1:05pm
Hi Nina and thanks for reaching out to me. I would love to help you resolve this issue. The first step is to better understand your employee's behavior and motivation. In order to achieve this I would love to provide you a complimentary online personality assessment for you and your staff. Then you and I can debrief the results over the phone and I will show you how to change the situation for the better. Is that something you'd be interested in? Warmest regards, Coach Karl

27th May 2015 2:44am
I live in a nursing home at the moment, but I hate it because these horrible, rude & nasty nurses don't treat me properly, and then I have got a horrible, nasty, and digusting person who has to comment on everything I do or say to the nurses, it is causing me a lot of stress, I keep coming up with horrible cold sores, what can I do about this situation please? Can you please help me please? Thankyou.Silvana.
Coach Karl
27th May 2015 12:45pm
Silvana, thank you for your question. I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a bad experience. The only thing under your control is your attitude towards the situation. Think of your surroundings as a mirror that reflects back to you what is going on inside of you. As humans we are genetically hard wired to avoid pain and therefore tend to focus on detecting negativity. Your reticular activation system is constantly on the search for familiar, unusual and problematic things in your ... Read More

Anita Nel
7th August 2015 9:23am
Dear Karl, I am Doctor Relationship Manager at a big private hospital. Dealing mostly with different issues regarding Doctors. They complain daily (and I experience it myself) about nursing staff rude and not caring enough towards their patients and themselves. I also walk in and the nursing staff sometimes do not even return my greeting. We have been discussing this millions of times, but do not seem to getting any answers! So HOW do you change attitude?
20th October 2015 11:56am
The only attitude you can change is yours Anita. Once you see the frightened little kids in those adult bodies you will understand that their behavior towards you has absolutely nothing to do with you. Stop giving your power away.

Sophia Bonsubre
2nd September 2015 3:56pm
I was thanking God and always will for such a human kind like you. I was having a problem with my co-student- or should I say, with his attitude towards my other classmates. He sure do respect me. Though I doubt it when I turn my back. I happen to be the President of the class and I am aware of my responsibilities. I will be attending my class in less than two hours by now and was deeply thinking how to resolve this issue- until I read your article. Thank you and hope you continue to help ... Read More
Dr. Karl Ruegg
3rd September 2015 5:02pm
Dear Sophia, you just made my day! I'm always happy to hear that my humble contribution was able to help you play the game of life. If you like, you can register for my free game of life game at Keep up your great attitude Sophia! Warmest regards! Karl

5th October 2015 3:29am
Hi mam I want to know that I speak polite with everyone and somes are like dat they ignore me or do not take me seriously .can u tell me why it happens nd even I want to face them tell me wat I do
Dr. Karl
13th October 2015 1:22pm
Hi Ashu, people treat you the way you let them treat you and the way you treat yourself. Do you take yourself serious? Remember that your environment is just a reflection of your inner world. Think of your surroundings as mirrors reflecting back to you who you are.

pratap rai
6th October 2015 3:02pm
hlo karl i am workng at dpt store. my onwer has a attitude
problem, one day she will say hello, next day she quite ignores me, talks with other staff, i feel so sad n guilty.
20th October 2015 11:58am
Hi Pratap, people treat you the way you let them treat you and the way you treat yourself. Do you take yourself serious? Remember that your environment is just a reflection of your inner world. Think of your surroundings as mirrors reflecting back to you who you are.

Machris wokage
5th November 2015 7:29am
I and my wife had lived together since 2002 ,the beginning was sweet because we lived very close to my cousins house but later built my own house and packed in but ever since then, my wifes attitude changed towards me,she became hostile, disrespectful and unsubmissive. Approximately, we quarrel every 3 to 4 times a week. We jointly run bottle and sachet water factory, gave her the post of manager and i in vehicle maintainance section but her attitudes which I couldn't endure any longer is ... Read More

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