Resentment

Examples of Resentment include:

  • Feeling angry against a person or group of people whom you feel have treated you badly
  • Unresolved anger over a negative event which may have happened to you in your childhood
  • Unresolved anger over a past event
  • Lack of forgiving and the inability to let go and forget
  • A grudge against a person or organization which you feel has mistreated you in some way
The main issue with resentment is if left to fester, it can leave you in a constant state of unbalance, irritability and can leave you feeling depressed or despondent. You can become annoyed when you even think about the person or situation and after a while, start to feel hostile, cynical or take a sarcastic attitude towards them.

However, although you feel all these negative emotions, the resentment does not have any effect on the person being resented! They don't know you are feeling resentful and it really does not have any effect on their emotional wellbeing - except for the deterioration of the relationship!

So think about it, who is resentment really hurting? Who is really getting upset and feeling bad? YOU! An additional issue is that when you feel resentful, you are literally attached to this person by your thoughts - think about it, do you really want to take this person or situation with you everywhere you go? The truth is, most people don't even care if you are hurt and angry!

We hold on to our resentments only when we are still trying to prove that we are right and someone else is wrong. Resentment can also become an excuse for not taking control of our own lives and we can use our resentments to poke the finger of blame at others for why we are not living the life we want to live.

No matter what your reason for holding onto resentment, if you want to move on, then you need to let go. You need to decide to do this for yourself - not to allow that 'thing' you are holding onto to effect you anymore. A great question I was once asked when discussing resentment was ' Why are you allowing this person to make you feel like that'. Think about it. Holding on to our resentments does not do us any good and we are literally giving that person or situation the power to make us feel bad.

A key point to remember is that we don't have to agree with what happened, but we do need to choose to let it go because it is having a negative effect on our life.

Tips for letting go of Resentment

  • 1) Write the person / situation a letter. Get angry with your words and write down how you really feel and how much it hurt you. When you are finished, burn the letter and let it go.
  • 2) Play some really loud music and beat your bed with your pillows. Do this at least 3 times a week. This will help clear out the stored up anger in your body
  • 3) Visualise a picture in your mind of the person you are resentful against and have a conversation with them. Tell them how you feel. Also, wait for their answer!
  • 4) If possible, have a conversation with the person you feel resentful towards. Yes, often a brave move but this may help clear things up. In this situation, you have also taken your power back. Tell them how you feel
  • 5) Try putting yourself in the other persons shoes. Why do you think they behaved like that?
  • 6) Learn to forgive. Ultimately, forgiveness is the key for dealing with resentments. Remember, just because you forgive, it doesn't mean you agree with the others persons actions. It merely means that you are not willing to be tied to this person anymore.
  • 7) Try these affirmations:
  • By releasing the past, I set myself free
  • I now choose to release all anger and resentment from my body
  • Forgiveness has given me back my freedom

Author:.

Lisa Phillips is an award winning Life and Confidence Coach based in Sydney Australia.  She is also the author of ' The Confidence Coach' book ( www.theconfidencecoachbook.com)   Lisa appears regulary on TV and radio and her work is featured in a wide range of international magazines. 

For more information, please see www.amazingcoaching.com.au

 

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