What do you want?

What do you really really want?

When was the last time you asked yourself that question?

Most of us are wrapped up in the day to day of our lives, and like a hamster, we run and run as fast as we can, panting and puffing, making a lot of noise running within his wheel, only to come out to have a look around and see that everything is the same, in exactly the same place. Nothing has really changed. From time to time, it is just necessary to stop and ask ourselves, what we want and if we are "running" in the direction of our dreams, and unlike the poor little hamster, going nowhere! A Life Coach will firstly involve you in that exploration, stop the wheel and ask you probing questions to assist you in discovering what you want.

A feeling of dissatisfaction arises from feeling we don't have what we want. The tricky thing is that some of us don't know what that is. So we go through our lives feeling unhappy and dissatisfied. We have a fleeting desire - a glimpse of what we think we want and then go off in the pursuit of it, only to feel just as bored and discontent even after achieving it. This can be likened to a hungry baby who is given a pacifier instead of milk to suckle on, satisfying his need to suckle but not his hunger.

So, the first step to getting what we want is identifying what that is.

Once we have some idea of what that is, and by the way, the top 3 are:

1. Make money

2. Find Love

3. Lose Weight

Or some variation of those three, a life coach would then get specific with you. Clarifying exactly what you want. Often, what we want so much is a feeling rather than a material possession or a situation - most of us want to be rich because we want fame and freedom, we want a relationship because we want to feel loved and appreciated. We want to lose weight, because we want to feel accepted and attractive.

A life coach will guide you in identifying the wants, and the underlying desires that drive these wants. They would then work out a realistic time frame by which you want to achieve these "wants" and then work backwards with you to work out strategic steps to get you there. A coach is like a vehicle, carrying you from here to there. Where you are to where you want to be. Cheering you along the way, nagging you with incessant emails and text messages, encouraging you and questioning your excuses, but above all, the most important thing the coach offers you, is that they will hold you accountable to doing what you say you are going to do.

Striving to get the best out of life is not only natural, it's achievable. The hard part is finding the motivation to overcome your stalling. Setting smart goals is easy, making resolutions are common every 1st of January, signing up with a gym is too easy too, the challenging thing is sticking to the plan. Staying motivated to act inspite of habit, laziness, boredom or any other excuse we can conjure up.

Everyone's dreams are different, but whether you want to shed a few more kilos, land a better job, pay off a mounting credit card debt or even find love, you'd be amazed how far you can get with a practical plan and some help.

A Life coach who is also trained in NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) can help you to re-phrase your goals and your desires in the positive. This tool itself can change your life. For example, instead of saying I want to lose some weight, go for a positive goal like wanting to fit into that red dress, or those jeans from 1997.

NLP can also assist you in creating new neurological paths offering you alternate routes from the habitual one. This is a great tool to have to help break habits and to interrupt unfavourable patterns in our day-to-day lives. "Life coaching is all about changing bad habits, replacing them with new habits"

By devising a 12-week step-by-step program - customised to suit your individual needs - they encourage you to think about the areas you'd like to improve on (or change completely) and the feelings you want to banish. To help you get there, they monitor your progress weekly. A good life coach would usually encourage you to go solo after 12 weeks, not wanting you to use them as a crutch, often clients would go back when they have new goals or even just for maintenance calls probably once in 2-3 weeks.

Certified Life Coaches are bound by confidentiality agreements, so don't worry about all your vices and antics being broadcasted or advertised. We all could use someone who dedicates time every week just to listen to us. Friends and family buy our bullshit and help us make excuses for ourselves and other people - a coach will not. A coach would spot your excuses and your limiting beliefs and work ways with you to enrol you into effective action. They would mirror your attitudes and beliefs back to you and give you feedback if you allow them to do so, after which they would suggest alternate perspectives and beliefs that would be more conducive to you getting what you say you want. Your relationships and communication improves as you become more clear and specific, and one of the most common "by-products" of "fixing" any area of your life, is that your key relationships improve.

Life coaching can be a very confronting and spiritual experience. Whether you change small or big things, the experience is introspective and will leave you with tools to use all throughout your life.

Signing up with a life coach is like having a personal trainer for your life!

Whether life coaching is for you or not, the underlying principle of setting positive goals within a fixed time scale has been proven to unleash impressive results. There's no hidden secret to the process, but you have to be willing to take the step.


Malti Bhojwani, 38 is a Sydney mum, trained life coach and in NLP. She possesses a great sense of humour with which she touches lives across the world. Seeing someone take responsibility for their life by declaring what they want and then working towards it, is what she thrives on. Malti coaches using powerful techniques to help discover strategies and create new ones much after they complete coaching with her. Join her facebook page:

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