Forget The Sugar Water - It's Too Late For That
That President Obama ROCKS! I know, right? I mean, we need to re-elect that dude right away, if for no other reason than his awesome health care reforms... he's a man with a plan for our country. An end-of-life plan.
When I was a kid, we had a great TV show called "Emergency!" which featured dramatic depictions of the daily work of our failed health care system of the past. (Come to think of it, "Emergency!" might've been more of a depiction of our failed TV networks of the past... but I digress.) Right there on the TV contraption, every Thursday night, we saw brave paramedics dashing to the scenes of various calamities. They'd rush to the fallen victim! They'd fire up the CB radio! They'd call back to the hospital, and talk directly to the doctor! Or, at least, to a guy who played one on TV! And what did the doctor ALWAYS direct? In every case? One hundred percent of the time?
Say it with me, fellow '70s viewers: "Start an I-V with D-5-W, and transport as soon as possible."
My mom, who drove an ambulance back in those days, told me "D-5-W" was, essentially, sugar water. Aw, shucks, I thought. Another made-for-TV deception. More evidence that TV writers (now "news" writers) never let realism or facts get in the way of a good story. So whatever the Emergency! personnel barked into that radio: "We've got blunt force trauma to the head! We've got a bad hang-nail! We've got gunshot wounds to the neck and torso! We've got pimples! We've got an eerie feeling of disquiet! We've got a bug-like alien in an Edgar suit who leaves a green spectral trail!" - the initial prescription, apparently, was sugar water.
Well, no more. The time of sweetness has passed. These days, we have all-new diseases, and we need all-new (government) health care to fight them. I mean, did you ever watch an old war documentary and see medics carting guys with "restless leg syndrome" off the battlefield? I don't think so. Sure, they had their own peculiar maladies, such as dust-pneumonia in the Dust Bowl, but would those ancient docs have had a clue how to deal with persistent heartburn, or overly-rosy cheeks, or erectile dysfunction? No way. We need new medicine for a new age. And President Obama and his Demediacrat "health" reformers are here to help in this Emergency!
I hear they're thinking of remaking that old TV show, this time with modern hospitals and the most highly-competent doctors we can expect once "Obamacare" takes full hold of our medical system. Now, no matter what the malady: "We've got radiation poisoning from a terrorist attack! We've got unprotected promiscuity! We've got jack-boot wounds to the throat! We've got air pollution from stinky protestors!" - the guv'mint doc can bark a new order into the radio. Say it with me.
"Start an I-V with end-of-life counseling, and transport as soon as possible."